Misery is optional.
Some of you may know that I have fallen out of love with academic science. This is hardly a new break up and there are lots of reasons for the cooling of my passions. But lest this post become an indictment of all the things wrong with academia, I’ll refrain from bitching. I kind of knew that the academic life wasn’t for me about four years into my Ph.D., but at that point you just finish things up - no sense wasting that much time. The easiest thing to do after finishing a Ph.D. is a post-doc, and being a fairly lazy man I took the path of least resistance. And I gave my post-doc a good go, but the academic life requires a real passion and real drive and I realized after a while that it just wasn’t going to happen. But, with a family on the way, no right to work in Britain other than for Oxford University and the incredible cost of living in Britain, I needed to keep working. Fortunately I’ve got a good boss and when it became clear that the academic life wasn’t for me, she gave me options rather than just showing me the door. We came to some understandings - my role became more technical and the expectations shifted. I really shouldn’t bitch about my job as much as I do.
And that’s the thing. While academic science has lots of flaws - long hours, poor pay, an inherent narcissism, poor job security, etc. - it’s also a pretty good way to make a poor
living. The university atmosphere is dynamic, there’s no dress code, hours are inherently flexible and eccentricities of all sorts are tolerated, if not encouraged. The latter is one big reason that I got as far as I did. I’m on the verge of joining the real world and I think after so long in academia it could be a real shock. There’s a lot of fear as well, after 8 years wrapped in academic cotton wool, I’m not sure that I’m competent to take on the pace and rigors of a “city job”.
I think that fear is starting to lift. I met up with a friend yesterday who made a transition in his life from doing things that he had to do to make a living to doing what he wanted to do and making a living at it. These days, he spends part of his time trying to help other people to make the same kind of transition. It was great to talk to him about it because, while I’ve been thinking of making a change for quite some time, this is the first time that I’ve had someone talk me through it step by step. And for the first time, I can see how it could work. Taking simple actions while always bearing the greater goal in mind. He assured me that I don’t have to do anything to put my livelihood at risk.
I know it all sounds a little “airy-fairy” as Dr. O’C likes to say. But it’s really just a change in attitude. From being afraid and saying “I can’t” to being confident and saying “I’ll try”. And its up to me - I can be unhappy doing something I dislike or take some steps to finding a job that I love. Misery is optional.
Oh and yes, I do realize that I haven’t said what my plans are.
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The beginning of your post made me think of an Air Supply song…
Your post was really good. It was as if you were writing from my head. I understand the anxiety you are going through. I have been actively looking for new employment outside the academic realm. My boss and I had a talk as well and he made me the “lab manager” which means I do research but also handle most of the day-to-day operations stuff, too. For a long time I thought it was some sign of weakness to admit that I was done with academic science but now I understand that I have to do what’s best for my family. And what’s best for my family is for me to be doing something I enjoy. Becuase you and I both know–whatever is going on at work, we bring home, for better or worse. I’ve been sleep-walking through my career for a long time now and decided that it was time to do something about it. So Chris, whatever you decide to do, go for it and know that you have our support.
23 Aug 2007 at 8:19 am
I think there comes a point in everyone’s life (if you’re willing to acknowledge it) when you take a look around and ask yourself “Is this all there is?” Some people say “yes” and continue on their path. Some say “I don’t know” and wander without quite grasping what they seek. Then there are those who say “NO!” They are the people who row boats across the Atlantic… alone. They’re the ones who discover the artist within. They’re the ones that pop awake in the morning knowing that the day is filled with wonder and joy. They’ve made the choice to create a life worth living.
Chris, you have proven you can accomplish anything you choose.
And one more thing… to paraphrase a “wise” being, Yoda said “There is no try, do.”
23 Aug 2007 at 9:48 am
For me, the drive and passion that allows me to enjoy my career comes from the potential positive impact I can have on others. Even research in an corporate setting didn’t give me that feeling of fulfillment. It really took a career change to do that for me. It was a bit scary, but I think if you go into something like that with some humility and an open mind, the transition can be fairly painless.
And I’ve found that khaki pants are much more comfortable than jeans.
24 Aug 2007 at 11:36 am
[…] an article or two from one of the big scientific journals. This new theme corresponds a bit with a recent post about career goals, so I would be eternally grateful for any comments regarding the Science Tuesday […]
28 Aug 2007 at 3:53 am
I feel for you. I found your blog browsing Wordless Wednesday and it was fun finding out you are a science type. I’m a refugee from academia. I have an M.D. Ph.D. and never thought I’d be anything but an academic but after two academic positions taught me that I couldn’t deal with the politics and lifestyle issues I’m a private practice physician. I think I’ll always mourn not being a scientist as I was trained to be but it’s pretty clear I’m a better mother and happier person the way things stand. Good luck with whatever you do.
29 Aug 2007 at 4:30 pm
[…] for the writing, when I wrote this post a couple of weeks ago I was intentionally vague about what my plans were. This is largely because […]
20 Sep 2007 at 8:48 am