What did I do to offend you, Mr. Brown? Seriously, your prime minister-ship, what have I done to become your nemesis? A couple of weeks after you lost my bank details it seems as if you’ve chucked my driver’s license information away somewhere in Iowa of all places. Why were my driver’s license details in Iowa?

Either of these things considered alone I could believe were purely coincidence, accidental. But how many learner drivers have recently applied for child benefits? I must believe that you have it in for me, Gordon. I know that you are not likely doing these things personally, but please could you call your henchmen-buffoons off?

Is it any wonder that your Labour party is trailing the Tories by 13 points in the latest polls? Please, Mr. Brown…

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