A Free Man

“I appreciate your courtesy, your well earned politesse
But you got yourself into your own mess
You know the demons in the design
A good idea at the time…”

-OK Go - “A Good Idea At The Time”

Well, Great Interview Week began with self-indulgent navel gazing and thus it shall end. Hopefully the bits in between have made the week worthwhile. For those of you that visit here for details of the minutiae of our lives or pictures of our uncommonly adorable baby, fear not. I will be getting back to that format from today. I have, however, enjoyed doing these interviews and therefore don’t be surprised if you see one now and again. Dr. O’C has suggested running a weekly interview feature - what do y’all think?

This is my second, and final, interview for the Great Interview Experiment. Q. over at Where are the naked pictures? came up with a set of philosophical inquiries that would challenge even the best thinkers, never mind your underwhelming narrator. Without further ado…

Q.: You are going on a long road trip from Mexico to Canada. Who would you choose to travel with you? Besides me of course, ’cause I am coming. It was my idea.

AFM: Partner, child, dog (though the former may not enjoy the trip) and Scottish comedian Billy Connolly. The Big Yin is probably one of the best travel guides I’ve ever run across.

Q.: What would your mode of transportation be for the trip?

AFM: Mule pack train. Eco-friendly, pleasing to the senses and a pace that I can appreciate.

A few years back, when doing my Ph.D. in Missouri, we used to go out to Hawaii for our winter corn nursery - hard job, that. On the island where we did our work was a former leper colony that makes an interesting tourist destination - really. To get there you had to navigate a pretty sheer cliff. There were two ways down - by foot or by mule. I chose the former and on the way down felt pretty good about things as I could go faster than the mules and gravity was helping me out. On the way back up it was crucifyingly hard going and the mules had an advantage. Scaling a cliff face for a couple of hours down wind of a pack mule train ain’t a lot of fun. Since then, I’ve always wanted to travel by mule.

Q.: You are given the ability to transform yourself to look like any person in the world for 24 hours. Who would you transform into and what would you do while impersonating him or her?

AFM: Dick Cheney. I would do it on inauguration day and would do two things - first, check out his secret underground lair because I reckon that it is pimped out. Second, just before President Obama is sworn in, would shout from the top of the Capitol Dome: “Election!?!?! You people don’t really believe in that sort of nonsense, do you? Oh wait, I’ve got Santa and the Easter Bunny with me as well. Election - I spit on your election. I’m the King of the World!”

Just to see what would happen.

Q.: Rounded to the nearest 10, how much wood do you think a woodchuck could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?

Mentally: ten to the tenth. Physically: ten. Spiritually: none. As rodents go, woodchucks are notoriously spiritually vapid, as opposed to voles, or badgers.

Q.: In my book, pants are always optional. What piece of clothing can you do without the most?

AFM: Shoes. Which is one of the 100 reasons that we’re Australia bound. Mmmmmm, Antipodean sand between my toes.

Q.: It is your 60th high school reunion and you are definitely going. Who would you most like to meet up with there? Why them? You knew a bunch of people.

AFM: I posted about this not so long ago. If I am definitely going than either a) I’m doing so at gun point or b) I’m getting delusion at my advanced age. Assuming the latter, as I don’t know a lot of gun toting strongmen, then there’s a good chance that I turn up in a state of dishevelment - if not completely disrobed and ranting about high-school letter jackets. I suspect that anyone I might have had aspirations of meeting up with would either creep carefully or run screaming away from me.

Q.: My memoirs are titled “Cold Popcorn. Hot Sex”. What would the title of yours be?

AFM: “It Seemed Like A Good Idea At The Time”

Q.: If you could give yourself any nickname, what would it be?

AFM: I would like to be the Sultan of something. “The Sultan of Sweet”, err probably not. I don’t have the guitar chops to be the “The Sultan of Swing”. Certainly not “The Sultan of Swat” as I spent much of my childhood missing pitched balls with bats. If anyone has a Sultan based suggestion for a nickname, I will use it!

Q.: Who is this?

AFM: Who’s who? When I was a Junior in High School I think I was a “Who’s Who Among American High School Students”. I’m pretty sure that my Mom paid for that “honor”. Money well spent….

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OK Go’s “Oh No” is available from and Amazon.

Image Credits:

Woodchuck

The Sultan of Swing

 

 OK Go - "A Good Idea At The Time" [3:47m]: Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

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