As of Friday, I am no longer an employee of the second best university in the world. It was a day I had been looking forward to with some relish – I’ve been unhappy in my job for quite some time. I expected to bound out the doors of my building with a spring in my step that only “freedom” can instill. But if I’m telling the truth as I walked out the door for the last time, I was a little bit sad.
For nearly the past year, my work has been a slog. Academic science, if you’re not inspired by it, can be truly unrewarding. I found myself stuck – afraid to make a change but unhappy with the status quo. What made my job at all bearable in that last year was the people with whom I worked. Three of us started within a week of each other back in the autumn of 2004. We were joined from time to time by other folks that came into and out of work – some of whom were just absolute joys, some of whom were, um, not. You spend so much time at work that you end up making some of your closest friends there. I didn’t spend much time out of work with my co-workers, but nonetheless I consider some of them great friends – that picture above is of three of my closest – and the source of that tinge of melancholy of Friday afternoon.
When I walked out the door for the last time on Friday afternoon, the three of us who started in 2004 were still there. I suck at goodbyes and did a pretty poor job of it on Friday – handshakes and platitudes and “I’ll keep in touch” promises. I just don’t know what to say – chances are I’ll never be back to Oxford – it’s not my home, I have no ties here and no reason to return. Chances are I’ll never see any of my work pals again – Adelaide is a long way from anywhere. The most appropriate thing to say would be “It’s been great knowing you. Have a nice life.” But the manners that were bored into me growing up just won’t allow that sort of honesty. What I should have said was something like what I’m writing now. You guys are my friends and I’ll miss you. Goodbye.
Friday morning was a similar situation. I’ve been meeting the same group of people nearly every Friday for breakfast for the past two and a half years. Sort of my own personal Breakfast Club. These people are some of the best friends I’ve ever had anywhere and have been a source of sanity for me through some trying times. In addition to struggling with goodbyes, I struggle with being the center of attention these days. I had to deal with both on Friday morning. As I did at work, I muttered and mumbled and didn’t say what I should have – you guys are my friends and I will miss you.
When I see Oxford receding behind me out the back window on Tuesday morning, I am going to be a little bit sad. Oxford is not my home and I have no ties here, but it’s been an incredibly important place in my life. My son was born here and no matter how much his mother tries to deny it – he’ll always been an Englishman. I learned a lot here, appropriate for a center of learning, about myself. I learned about strengths and weaknesses. I learned a little bit about how to be a better man. Oxford – I will miss you.
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by Trish
31 Mar 2008 at 01:25
I know how you feel, a little bit. I’ve left some great jobs (but never left this great country) and I miss some of those colleagues. Just now, I was going through some old archived Contacts in my inbox and found myself deleting people who used to be good mates, but who are in my distant past. If I ever ran into them again I’m sure we could be friends, but in the meantime the reality is that I barely have time for the relationships I have, let alone the ones I used to have.
I hope you’ll meet some great new friends in Adelaide.
Trish’s last blog post..Take THAT, girlfriend!
by Nichole
31 Mar 2008 at 01:52
In my book, all of those things are your ties to Oxford. Even if you don’t ever make it back there, you’re always going to have the memories of your friends and those first days as a parent.
by Maggie
31 Mar 2008 at 03:46
I love this. Love it love it love it.
Maggie’s last blog post..two minute break
by Hsien Lei
31 Mar 2008 at 10:11
*pat pat* That was beautifully written.
You may be surprised at how many friends you retain. What with your blog, IM, and the Internet in general, it’s much easier to keep in touch. And you know EVERYONE wants to visit Australia so perhaps they’d be in your neighborhood someday.
Hsien Lei’s last blog post..Recognition
by SSG
31 Mar 2008 at 10:43
dude, what are you talking about? just try and stop me visiting. and you are welcome in oxford or wherever i am to come and stay and when you go ireland or sweden as you will defo do then hop over and say hi. we will all miss YOU too i hope it rocks in adelaide. i met a random guy in the street who convinced me to give free hugs to people and he is from adelaide and says he knows ‘a lot of cool peope’ there so i’ve got his email address if you want it. yeah.
and will i ever find another job where i can happily stab my coworker, twice? or throw ice over the desks to hit a mexican? or leave notes pretending to be from a certain RA to a certain postdoc? those were quality times my friend and you made my shitty times in science work much better. let the bitching commence. ah i’ll miss you!
by CDV
31 Mar 2008 at 11:51
um, actually, ssg I wasn’t talking about you. That was just the only picture that I could find of Mark and Armando.
by CDV
31 Mar 2008 at 14:58
Though, it was pretty nice sitting back to back with you…
by mjrc
31 Mar 2008 at 15:00
now you’ll have to come up with a new internet moniker–chrisfromoxford is so yesterday! : )
mjrc’s last blog post..Variations on a Theme
by SSG
31 Mar 2008 at 15:31
ok, maybe i wont miss you so much THCS
by CDV
31 Mar 2008 at 15:42
What’s THCS?
by Jessica K
31 Mar 2008 at 16:19
Aww, it’s hard to leave people you care about. It says something about you that you’re strong enough to follow your own path, though, even when it’s hard. I hope you guys have a safe trip over to Adelaide. I imagine it will be a long one for little Zach.
Jessica K’s last blog post..Toasty tootsies
by SSG
31 Mar 2008 at 16:56
you know it it’s your daily greeting to me in the lab, along with how’s your mother
by Not Afraid To Use It
31 Mar 2008 at 19:26
HL already said it, but I will reiterate: Between Facebook, Skype and other internet goodies, you will be able to keep the best of your old life while entering your new. Enjoy Sverige, and please keep us updated as to how you guys are hanging in there.
Not Afraid To Use It’s last blog post..Still Droolworthy
by arizaphale
31 Mar 2008 at 21:32
Having said goodbye to more wonderful friends and amazing places in the the world than I care to recollect, I felt every word of this post. Everyone has said all the salient things but for my two cents I am always amazed by the people who DO keep in touch. Often not the ones you would have thought….
THCS…
that hair cut sucks?
arizaphale’s last blog post..Best Shot Monday: Cavorting on the Beach
by Bobbie
02 Apr 2008 at 02:24
Sounds like the hard part — leave-taking — is behind you now. Nothing to do now but look forward to the next phase in your life. All best wishes to the three of you as you begin this important transition.
by Andrew
03 Apr 2008 at 05:07
I can’t believe I didn’t find this blog earlier. Another American here in Oxford, Florida-born and raised. I’m at that tiny little school up the hill (Brookes), but nevertheless I know every single place in your photos. In fact I might have run into you at the Democrats Abroad primary a few weeks ago. Best of luck on your adventures in Australia. I myself am off to Japan in August for a year and then I’m back to Oxford. I think the previous poster is correct; your memories of this place *are* your ties to it. As much as I was convinced I’d never live here when I first arrived, it’s grown on me and now I can’t really imagine living anywhere else. Best of luck in the future and remember that people here certainly still remember you
Andrew