Who was that masked man?
Not thinking things through is sort of the story of my life. I prefer to call it charmingly impulsive, others (the glass half-empty gang) call it recklessly impetuous. Either way, I’m here today with all limbs intact, so who are you going to side with?
When I was setting this blog up, my friend Nichole was my model and I pretty much fashioned everything after her site. This meant being very open about who I was, no mask of anonymity for me to hide behind, no sirree bob. I’ve regretted that once or twice since then largely because I have to be nice. I can’t slag people off like some of you are prone to do. I can’t moan about my family, or Dr. O’C’s family, or Dr. O’C for that matter - not that I would want to, of course. It would just be nice to be able to do so with immunity. Alas, in addition to not thinking things through, I’m also just lazy. That is why I can’t be bothered to change things up to become reasonably anonymous. One day…
My letting it all hang out style also means that I don’t blog much about work. As that is pretty much all I’m doing these days, it means my material is fairly limited. I really don’t know how either of my employers would feel about being the subject of a blog post. But I do know that some employers have been rather humorless about their portrayal on the interwebs.
Which is really a shame, because I would love to tell you about one of my employer’s (not mentioning any names) recycling policy. Before you think I’m some sort of vandal or Republican, let me just say that I’m all for recycling. In fact, I spent most of my time in Britain digging out all of the non-recyclable things that Dr. O’C used to put in our recycling bins. She’s got many gifts, my lady, but reading the side of recycling bins isn’t one of them. She didn’t seem to be able to grasp that putting a shitty nappy in the plastic recycling might gloop the system up a bit. (Brings a whole new meaning to the “This Bottle Made from 100% Recycled Consumer Waste” label, doesn’t it).
But I think sometimes people take the whole recycling thing a bit too far. At this unnamed employer, they basically run a zero tolerance recycling program. You recycle. End of story. The cleaners double as detectives and if they find anything in your trash can that could have been recycled, then a yellow card is placed on your desk. As well as the offending item, presumably. If it happens again, you receive a red card. It’s not entirely clear to me what happens then, but I’m fairly certain that I’m going to find out. I mean, in the spirit of scientific inquiry and all.
If I had a little bit more of a veil of secrecy in place, I could also tell you about another one of my current employers, who operates a strict no food or drink in the lobby or elevator policy. Strict to the point that some of my new co-workers have regaled me with stories of being called to the building superintendent’s office where they receive mind-numbing lectures on the costs of cleaning dried cola beverages from marble floors. Each of the employees have asked the obvious question - how did you know I was eating in the elevator? The answer - surveillance. Surveillance that makes the Bush Administration drool. Security at this building is not watching for thieves and terrorists, they’re watching for people eating lunch on the fly. So, now when I go to work I get that same warm feeling as I do when I’m unlucky enough to have to fly through the U.S. - that comfort that comes with excessive and ineffectual surveillance. The same part of me that wants to shout “oh my god he has a gun” in the TSA line at the Orlando airport wants to take a big old bite of a jelly and cream filled donut as I’m stepping into the lobby.
Actually, jobs aren’t easy to come by these days, so I’ll probably repress my spirit of rebellion and just accept. The problem will come when I get them confused. With two jobs I run the risk of forgetting where I am at any given time. I’m pretty sure it’s all going to blow up in my face on the day I dump my recyclable food waste in the elevator.
Popularity: 21% [?]
I can’t imagine any office building in Adelaide with a marble floor. Perhaps times have changed since I last lived there…
headbang8’s last blog post..Wir sin Papst…er, Champions.
26 Jun 2008 at 6:47 pm
Yeah, there should probably be a “faux” in that sentence.
Bloody pedant.
(See, if I were anonymous you wouldn’t have known it was me calling you names!)
26 Jun 2008 at 7:14 pm
Gees, that’s a bit extreme! Yellow cards, red cards… And we Aussies are all supposed to be so laid back and easygoing! Maybe it’s an SA thing.
You must all be doing well at your jobs though, if that’s the only thing they can find to whinge about.
Agnes’s last blog post..Ditties From Down Under & Odd Spot #7
26 Jun 2008 at 8:25 pm
If I demasked myself and blogged about my employers I’d be deported. Or shot. Or both.
Actually, sounds like a good way to end the misery….
Xbox4NappyRash’s last blog post..Mind the gap
26 Jun 2008 at 9:15 pm
Uh Dude, I was the one who used to make you recycle! and I didn’t throw a dirty nappy in the recycling.
Thought I would throw in the ‘Dude’ word because I know how you like my SoCal heritage.
26 Jun 2008 at 9:34 pm
dude, you’ve spent too long with Mark Waters
and I love the word dude in a billnted / big lebowski way
26 Jun 2008 at 10:06 pm
Nobody I know in the real world is chagrined by what I write because it’s usually just a (possibly) exaggerated depiction of what actually happened…then again, you, sir, are obviously a nice guy, whereas I get away with saying atrocious things because, I guess, it sounds like I’m joking…
Hell, I’ll take it - as long as the girlfriend understands…Christ, am I overdoing these ellipses or what?
26 Jun 2008 at 10:19 pm
Real world people know about my blog, and I’ve told them time and time again, if you don’t want me to write about you pissing me off, don’t piss me off.
I totally undertand the impulsive part of your life. My family hates that side of me, and it’s certainly gotten me into more trouble than I want to discuss. I knew a lady once who I thought absolutely hated me. Later in life, in a letter, she actually did admit she didn’t care much for me. She said it was mostly from jealousy. In the letter she included the lyrics to Garth Brook’s “Standing Outside the Fire” and said that’s how she saw me, and she hated me for it. It blew my mind and was the biggest compliment I’d ever gotten.
I absolutely do believe that once you’re more comfortable in your jobs and have made yourself completely indispensable, you will test them both!
26 Jun 2008 at 10:28 pm
Your yellow/red card analogy is totally lost on 95% of your US following…
26 Jun 2008 at 10:59 pm
Elevator surveillance against malicious foodery, eh? If it wasn’t for the fact that your job may be on the line, I’d say that’s a challenge.
Oh what the hell. I dare you. Smuggle in a PB&J!
Hezamarie’s last blog post..Fee-nah-lay (Finale) Whoa ah oh
26 Jun 2008 at 11:22 pm
Sinead, you know you should never let truth get in the way of a good blogstory!!
And card systems? Lectures on cleaning costs? Do they think any of that s*** actually works with employees? It certainly doesn’t with school kids. Just makes em more determined to find ways to ‘get around the rule’. Hang on, do I detect a theme here?
arizaphale’s last blog post..Of Viruses and The Best Medicine
26 Jun 2008 at 11:45 pm
Jeff decided I had taken the recycling thing too far when I came home with 100% recycled toilet paper. I TOLD him it wasn’t made from old tp, but it still grossed him out. Still, getting cards for not recycling?? If Grayson pulls his red card at home, he gets a spanking from his dad… Wonder who does the spanking at the office? teehee
Jessica K’s last blog post..She Builds, part 2
27 Jun 2008 at 12:11 am
This reminds me of when I lived in DC and there was this whole big thing about food and drink on the Metro.
Gypsy’s last blog post..Helmet Head
27 Jun 2008 at 12:42 am
Ha! I had to read part of this post out loud to someone because it made me laugh so much.
I’ll agree with you about the whole eating and drinking in the lobby/elevator thing being a bit excessive, but the zero tolerance recycling? That’s sort of awesome. I wonder if they make you volunteer a Saturday at a recycling plant if you get too many warning cards.
courtney’s last blog post..I Say To My Reflection: God, Please Spare Me More Rejection
27 Jun 2008 at 1:23 am
OMG. I KNOW you are going to make a small hole in your pant/jacket pocket and leave a trail of breadcrumbs on the floor. You’ve just GOT to.
As for the card system, I assume yellow is the warning. Red is the last chance card. The next offence finds you to be smuggled out back, the offending object shoved up your tranny. You would then be paraded around the lunch/conference room as an object lesson to anyone else witless enough to jack with the recycling system.
But that’s just my guess.
NATUI’s last blog post..Lining Up Those Ducks
27 Jun 2008 at 3:56 am
I’m not one who necessarily believes in anonymous character assassination, deserved or otherwise. I actually quite admire blogs where someone reveals who they really are, rather than veiling themselves simply to allow for engagement in cagey snark. There are enough disingenuous, navel-gazing, “bitch blogs” out there.
That said, right on about the recycling.
Ray’s last blog post..Hot Time: Summer in the City
27 Jun 2008 at 4:50 am
Hear ya on the anonymous thing, Gypsy Princess is a great way for my professors to ring their hands over my academic talent going to waste.
I dont recomend blogging about work and naming it. They dont like it very much. I do recomend finding obscure things that straddle the recyclable line and tossing them in the bin. Germans are nutters for recycling, and it entertains me in a vicious petty small minded kind of way.
Sherrie’s last blog post..Family Love
27 Jun 2008 at 5:36 am
I fully support a scientific inquiry into finding out what happens when you get a red card. The whole ‘card’ thing struck me as odd and I am not sure I can LIVE without knowing. Go undercover and see if you can find out for me????
Vixen’s last blog post..Wordless Wednesday ~ looking back
27 Jun 2008 at 8:13 am
I’m with Ryan and Arizaphale, the best story is the one in which skeletal facts are adhered to but the minor details are ripe for embellishment.
Hence marble floors, Headbang. I went in this morning and they’re actually carpeted. And covered in stains.
27 Jun 2008 at 8:47 am
Oh, and NATUI, I’ve worked out the meaning of “tranny” by context but what’s the etymology?
27 Jun 2008 at 9:13 am
Ah damn. Here we go.
Tranny http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/tranny
Short for (car) transmission, which is typically found in the undercarriage. Undercarriage being the bottom of the car.
http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/undercarriage
Undercarriage also meaning
http://www.peevish.co.uk/slang/u.htm
ones genital area. Ergo having something shoved up one’s tranny.
I knew I should have just said ass and been done with it. This is what happens when I try and clean up my vocabulary. Gah! LOL Though now that I have had to type through what my thought process was/is, no wonder no one ever seems to know what the fuck I am talking about. God, my poor non-native English speaking husband. Someone ought to pour the poor bastard a drink.
NATUI’s last blog post..Lining Up Those Ducks
27 Jun 2008 at 1:15 pm
[…] talks about no tolerance […]
27 Jun 2008 at 11:11 pm
By the way, I sent this post to Allie’s Answers (www.alliesanswers.com), an eco-friendly blog. She gave you a shout-out! Hope you don’t mind.
courtney’s last blog post..I Say To My Reflection: God, Please Spare Me More Rejection
28 Jun 2008 at 12:05 am
Holy crap! Sounds creepy. Oh well. Keep your head down, don’t meet eyes with anyone, and go about your biz. Sheesh.
29 Jun 2008 at 10:06 am
honestly, i’m all for recycling, but going through your garbage? that’s a bit excessive. are they reading your trash, too?? i think that bothers me more than the cameras in the elevator. at least they might catch a crime or something useful like that.
mjrc’s last blog post..I’m Not As Young As I Used to Be, But I Can Still Have Fun
29 Jun 2008 at 11:46 am
Hmm, the only person who has ever gone through my garbage looking for recyclables…was my mother, when I was a teenager;) One thing I enjoy about working/living in Australia is the more mellow atmosphere.
Feel free to come join the Expats in Adelaide group Chris…we’re having our first meet up in July. Also, did you know there is an Australian American Association here in Adelaide? I tend to prefer more diverse crowds but I’m going to the 4th of July picnic, on the 5th. Can’t beat a proper bbq…with hot dogs and burgers:)
Suzer
suzer’s last blog post..Top Tips for Expat Transitions
29 Jun 2008 at 4:35 pm