“Smoke dreams
From smoke rings
While a cigarette burns
I keep yearning for you…”

It’s about time that Z and I got around to this particular Canadian chanteuse, because k.d. lang saved my life.

I started smoking in High School and unlike most people’s experience, I didn’t start smoking because of peer pressure. In fact, nobody that I knew smoked. That’s not to say that tobacco use was uncommon, just that most of the people in my school preferred it in the form of snuff, or chaw or those stupid little tobacco teabags - Skoal Bandits. I, being that most clueless or rebels, preferred the more lethal delivery system that a cigarette offers.

Once I got to college, however, I let my smoking out of the closet. Virtually any participant in the college parties that I frequented would have a Marlboro Light hanging out of their mouth at some point in the evening. College is where I got properly hooked and became a smoker. Being a smoker meant that chances are if you saw me between classes or on a break from work that I would have smoke pouring out of my mouth and nose. Being a smoker meant that I was a rebel, not afraid of death or social conventions. Being a smoker meant that I smelled like the bottom of an ashtray most of the time and struggled to climb more than three flights of stairs without taking a break. Being a smoker meant that I literally burned up thousands of dollars a year on something that was slowly killing me (that’s some impressive marketing). And, as time wore on, being a smoker meant that I was in a constant battle to quit smoking.

I can’t tell you how many times I tried to quit smoking, I can tell you that the battle spanned a couple of decades. Every time I ran into a health professional of any sort, I was encouraged to quit and I occassionally listened. I tried patches, gums, inhalers, Zyban, cold turkey, Alan Carr, tapering down, hypnotism, and not trying. Sometimes I would quit for a few days, weeks or even months, but ultimately I was sucked back in by the lure of nicotine induced peace of mind. It was largely the physical addiction, the strength of which I can attests to, but a big part of the problem is that my whole identity was tied up in being a smoker. Nobody, outside of Mormons and marathon runners, was a non-smoker. Smoking was part of my image, part of my style and I didn’t know who I was without a hard-pack in my shirt pocket and a Zippo in my jeans.

But as I write this today, I do so as a proud non-smoker, as someone who hasn’t smoked in over a year and a half. What happened is nothing magical, there was no pill that I took that made me into a non-smoker. In fact, the last time wasn’t that much different than any of the scores of times that preceded it. One big thing that was different was that we had just found out that Dr. O’C was pregnant. I had always said that if she got pregnant then I would quit, but I don’t think either of us had very high hopes. Something had changed, though, and this time it just worked. Take home lesson – if you want to quit smoking then go get someone pregnant.

It was still hard work and I shouldn’t be so glib. I used patches and these new nicotine lozenges, which taste like sugar-free breathmints, for ages. I am, in fact, still addicted to (non-nicotine) sugar-free mints. I re-read Allen Carr’s book. I think that his “Easy Way” franchise is a bit of a scam, but there are some gems in there. Particularly the idea that when you quit, rather than envying smokers you should pity them. There’s nothing like a bit of healthy self-righteousness to get your blood flowing in the morning. And, I listened to k.d. lang’s “Drag” album over and over, especially when I got the nicotine withdrawal crazies. “Drag” is an album of covers, all of which involve smoking in some form or another – hence the name. Now, if you think it is a bit masochistic to listen to an album that is all about smoking whilst trying to give up smoking, then you don’t know me very well. The songs on “Drag” are so smooth, so lush, so languid that just listening to the opening strains of “Don’t Smoke In Bed” was enough to drive the fiercest nicotine craving out of my head. k.d. lang saved my life or at least extended it a little bit.

“I have a habit i have been trying to lose
Everyone thinks that they know what they want
Sometimes your drug chooses you
There are some things that I’ve promised myself
Things I haven’t done yet
It’s my last cigarette
This is my last cigarette…”

—————-

These posts, of late, seem to be drifting away from their stated purpose. Beyond it’s powers in the realm of smoking cessation, “Drag” is just a fantastic record. It’s probably the best cover album ever recorded. Lang’s at the top of her game vocally and the musicians that she’s brought forward with her after the disaster that was “All You Can Eat” seem to have gotten her conceit perfectly. You can tell from the cover that this album is going to be be playful and slightly twisted. With her cabaret cover of  Steve Miller’s “The Joker” and the tongue-in-cheek sincerity of “Theme From Valley of the Dolls”,  Lang shows that she’s not taking herself too seriously. But then with heart renching performances like “My Old Addiction” and “My Last Cigarette” she just blows you away. Her voice is fantastic – sensual, rich and smoky.

Z did get a hefty dose of k.d. this Saturday afternoon as well as this story and a bonus lecture on the dangers of smoking. One of the reasons I quit when Dr. O’C fell pregnant was that I didn’t want to expose my child to second hand smoke and didn’t want him to think that smoking was cool. (That’s assuming that he’ll think I’m cool, an unlikely scenario).  Although, in my sample size of two it seems that children are less likely to smoke if their parents do – Dr. O’C’s folks smoke and she’s never had a cigarette; mine are vehemently anti-smoking and both my sister and I smoke(d).

It’s neither here nor there as the lecture and story were pretty well ignored – a response to which I should probably get familiar. But he liked the music. Z’s a sucker for a good sing-song, and if  accompanied by melodramatic lip-synching and maraca shaking, he can be held rapt for a good two to three minutes.  Z seems to like a good torch song.

“Don’t Smoke in Bed” opens “Drag” and “I Dream of Spring” is from k.d. lang’s newest release “Watershed”. Both of these are available from k.d. lang.

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