And your feet are shaking cause the earth is shaking
There was a crazy guy on my bus home last night.* I’ve encountered enough people that have crossed over that invisible line that separates “sanity” from madness line in my time to recognize one when I see one. As we were getting on the bus we briefly made eye contact and I saw that slight wildness in his eye, that need to be understood. It had been a long day, and I just couldn’t fit that much crazy into my commute home, so I sat about as far away as the confines of a city bus allow. Shame really, because a conversation with this stringy-haired flourescently vested fellow might have made this a better blog post.
This particular crazy man was one of the ghost talkers - he spent the ride having apparently one-sided debates with phantom companions. Some of these got pretty heated, so much so that they occasionally earned him nervous glances from the other passengers and even broke through the sonic buffer that my iPod provides. But he was mostly harmless.Seems that every big town, and probably small, has a whole subculture of people that - let’s put it kindly - march to the beat of their own drummer. Some of them are frightening, some (like your man on the bus) are mildly irritating and some are entertaining. There’s a guy that I see on my way into work in the mornings who rambles around Adelaide’s Rundle Mall singing the same tune over and over. He’s not particularly talented and I’ve not a clue what the song is, but he seems to not care one way or the other. A few years back, when I lived in Seattle, one of my favorite local characters was a fellow who used to wander Pioneer Square and Downtown singing Al Green songs. Only Al Green songs. He was actually pretty good but like the Rundle Mall singer, other people’s opinions seemed of little interest to him.
There was a big part of me that really used to envy these guys. From the outside of their heads - things seemed pretty good for them. Obviously I don’t know what goes on in the inside - what’s shaken loose. But, compared to myself, trudging through life Atlas-like with the combined weight of all my problems on my shoulders, their lives appeared simple, even happy.I’ve been pretty quiet on the blogging front lately. A fair bit of that has to do with work and not really wanting to spend any more time on the computer when I get home. But some of this has to do with the absence of that weight that I used to carry around on my back. I firmly believe that most good writing is fueled by angst or conflict or melodrama.** I don’t know if its age, exhaustion with the energy that being angstridden requires or what but lately, I’ve been tacking toward the street singing state of mind. I just don’t feel it so much these days. I even find myself singing, sometimes, in the street. Maybe that’s how it starts, with a quick chorus of “Jelly Man Kelly” on the way to the bus stop and then it’s a slippery slope to “Let’s Stay Together” on repeat and yelling at invisible assailants on the 721 bus.
This tendency to break out into song stems from the fact that things are pretty good for your underwhelming narrator. On the crazy man bus last night I got to thinking about things and realized that I’m approaching that El Dorado of the spirit I’ve heard referred to as “happy”. I like both of my jobs, a definite improvement from the recent past. I’ve got a beautiful family. I live minutes from the beach (13 to be exact). I’ve got feets to walk, arms to reach and ears to listen. And, crucially, I seem to be developing an ability to leave the buts behind. Like, for example, but:
- We’re still borrowing a car.
- We’re still renting a house.
- Said house is way the hell out in whoop-whoop.
- My daily commute is pushing two hours round trip.
- Australia does, in fact, have a winter and it is now.
- My family is very far away.
- I don’t get to the beach nearly as much as I would like to.
- Dr. O’C won’t let us get the cable TV so we can watch something other than “Home and Away” and reruns of “Neighbors“.
- I only get to see my son awake for about half an hour a day.
- I have to do something this weekend that I really don’t want to do.
- I don’t have enough money to buy an iPhone.
- I appear to be getting older at an alarmingly fast rate.
Huh, when I put it all together like that, it’s actually a bit depressing. But the fact is that on a daily basis it’s all manageable. And actually liking my job, from someone who spent far too long in a job that I hated, makes all the difference in the world. That list above is daunting, but I don’t actually face it up on a daily basis. I can ride the bus home, and just chill the hell out. Just enjoy what’s in front of me. I probably smile sometimes for no reason, occasionally whistle a happy tune or tap the rhythm of that tune a bit too vehemently. To the random observor, maybe this whistling tapping glint-in-the-eye guy looks a little bit crazy. Maybe that’s why the seat next to me is often unoccupied on the busy bus trip home.
* I realize, dude, that “crazy” is probably not the ‘approved nomenclature’, but just don’t care that much.
** This post has really just been a long-winded excuse as to why I’ve not written a thing this week. And an opportunity to show off my kid. Sorry to put you through that.
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there’s a woman near us now who shouts every night to herself in her house for about an hour and talks to no-one on the bus but the air. She doesnt seem a nice person though by the things she shouts. mental illness is scary though, it’s not like a broken leg- xray diagnosis and 4 month prognosis, it’s something you never know which side of the line you’re always on and you don’t know when, or if, you’ll get better. bit scary. i try not to think of it for fear of going crazy. yeah that poppy shakespeare was scary too.
Good you’re going El Dorado, but you mean you’re not bitching and moaning at your colleagues and calling their mother a whore? they don’t know what they’re missing!
ssg’s last blog post..Still no internet
11 Jul 2008 at 4:51 pm
There seems to be some dispute about whether to spell it Whoop-Whoop, or Woop-Woop. I prefer the hless version.
But it seems a nice enough place, and I trust it’s cheap-cheap.
Right now, be happy that you’re renting! With home prices falling, and the obscene levels thaey reached in Oz, hold out ’til you can find a distress sale.
I’m thinkin’ that you and the good doctor are Unley kinda people. No? Maybe the better foothills burbs? Or if you’re beachy types, I’m a big fan of Glenelg.
You definitely need to whine Dr. O’C into submission about the cable, but. I love the place, but the only decent media content to come out of South Australia is “Picnic at Hanging Rock” and Humphrey B. Bear. (I don’t think they’ve replaced Humphrey’s suit in the last twenty years, actually). Ask Arizaphale about our youthful encounters with “A Touch of Elegance”.
headbang8’s last blog post..Wir sind Papst…er, Champions.
11 Jul 2008 at 5:22 pm
My husband is an amazing writer and actually had a blog once. Now that we’re married and he gets laid on a regular basis, he rarely writes anything. I worried about it in the beginning, thinking maybe being with me had taken away his muse. He was very sweet to point out that he writes his best when his life is troubled and filled with angst. So apparently he’s happy now?
I know all too well what it feels like to be in a career you hate. My degree put me flat into it, and I couldn’t have been happier once I realized that and got out. It really does make all the difference in the world.
Don’t even think about those random smiles on the commute home. Someone is seeing them and NOT thinking you’re crazy which is making them smile, too, no doubt. It really is contagious.
11 Jul 2008 at 9:39 pm
For what it’s worth, I’d think you were a crazy person even if you weren’t smiling. So smile away, buddy. At least they’ll think you’re a friendly crazy guy.
I saw a giant stuffed Georgia bulldog at Target yesterday, and for a split second I thought, “I should send that to Zach!” But then I thought, “It would cost a million dollars to send a bulldog that big to the Whoop-Whoop.” And anyway, Sinead would’ve hated it. It was terribly large.
11 Jul 2008 at 10:07 pm
I was told this week that I talk to myself while working.
It also seems I get quite animated while writing SQL queries and have started to attract an audience.
Unknown to myself I am hopping and dancing around my laptop, muttering to myself all in the course of earning a crust.
I don’t want to be the crazy fella on the 2nd floor.
Xbox4NappyRash’s last blog post..The best laid plans
11 Jul 2008 at 11:33 pm
Chris, our lives sound a lot like you and the Dr.OC, except we do own the home we live in, to the tune of a $3000+ mortgage, we actually miss the days(2 years back) when we we’re still renting and someone else had to fix the broken bits.
My husband has 2 jobs, and we worry about money, and we too have held off on an Iphone because we don’t need to spend $ we don’t have for something that we don’t truly need. I work part time now because of the kids, that was our plan, but I really miss the income some days.
We look at our parents, both of whom are financially very well off but for whom real happiness seems to elude and we occasionally wax on about how much easier our lives would be if we were in the same place.
Then we realize we have each other, we are very much committed and in love even if we occasionally resemble Mr. and Mrs. Bickerson, and we love our kids. And we even love our life, complicated though it may be.
Every now and then I get wrapped up in the worry and the ‘buts’ and then I remember, there will be a day, way too near in the future, where I would probably give anything to be back here again. That’s what I love about Buddhism, trying to live in the now. It’s a continuous process and I’m glad you’re at a moment of grace where it’s coming rather easily. And if you are too happy too be properly inspired, go ahead and write about the less contemplative fun stuff, we like thta too.
formerly fun’s last blog post..I Kissed a Boy
12 Jul 2008 at 1:13 am
You still write well, even when you are not so angsty, so don’t apologize. Especially never apologize for allowing us to gaze upon your super cute little guy. I believe in living life to its fullest for the moment, because you never know what is around the corner.
Vixen’s last blog post..One Nation In Struggle
12 Jul 2008 at 2:05 am
Quality is better than quantity! (says the paid post whore).
Besides with the trip and getting ready for it I have no time to read or comment, so if you slow down I have less catch ups to do once a week!
Sherrie’s last blog post..Wordless Wednesday: JLog Wants Travel Writers Click Horns For More Info
12 Jul 2008 at 4:15 am
Whew! I’m glad you put that last bit in, I was beginning to think an imposter had taken over cdv.com! All that happy talk…
When I was little, our town had a famous lady everyone called “Crazy Louise.” She was entertaining from a distance, carrying on animated conversations with cigarette billboards and stuff. The rumour always was that you shouldn’t get too close, though, because she carried a brick in her purse and would whack you with it. The highlight of any kid’s day was a Crazy Louise sighting.
Oh, and Jeff’s been bummed lately, because our mobile service provider doesn’t support the iPhone. The closest thing they offer is a blackberry curve, and let’s just face it, it isn’t NEARLY as cool.
Jessica K’s last blog post..Kiddy Collages and a New Obsession
12 Jul 2008 at 6:33 am
Transit in the Bay Area seems to always come with at least one crazy person. And it’s best if it’s only one, because if they’re are two crazy people trying to occupy the same space, all hell can break loose. Around here they can be very territorial.
Most of the crazies around here seem harmless, like this guy who seems to walk loops around our neighborhood everyday. Then there are the scary ones, like the guy we saw walking down the street one day who was biting his lip so hard he had blood running down this face. I kind of miss the mid-west and general lack of crazies out strolling about, probably because of the weather.
April’s last blog post..Wordless Wednesday: Cookies
12 Jul 2008 at 8:04 am
It brings to mind Sarah McLachlan’s Possession “Would I spend forever here and not be satisfied.” I often feel the same as you. When you start listing all the overwhelming things, it starts to feel overwhelming. Sometimes you just have to focus on the little things that make you smile. It sounds as if you are doing an excellent job of that. You can be unhappy everywhere, or happy anywhere. It is all perspective. It just gets hard sometimes.
NATUI’s last blog post..The Last of Her Family
12 Jul 2008 at 12:06 pm
My crazy man story is the guy in Costco who was talking to the Kikkoman soy sauce.
I’ve never thought about soy sauce the same way since.
Anyway, enjoy your winter. I’m not sure you could tell the difference between winter and summer here, it’s been so cool.
KathyF’s last blog post..Guess Who’s Coming to Britain?
13 Jul 2008 at 12:36 am
2,3,4,7 and 9 are related and would be solved in one fell swoop by finding the house of your dreams closer to work and in a beach suburb (let’s call this H of D). 2 is a wise move at this point however and will enable you to do as headbang suggests and wait til the market is just right and H of D is at the best price.
10 will pass.
5 is called variety.
8 and 11 are luxuries which need to be forgone in order to achieve H of D thus solving 2,3,4,7 and 9.
1 is kind of also in this category and anyway, wassup? You don’t like the car????
6 and 12 are real issues and there just ain’t no gettin’ away from them.
Oh and crazy people always sit next to me on the bus.
arizaphale’s last blog post..Apologies To Chris: I Am Not As Clever As I Think I Am.
13 Jul 2008 at 6:24 pm
yeah, there ain’t no fightin’ no. 12.
it’s funny. i have a friend who once told me that i seemed too happy on my blog–me, too happy! but i think what he was getting at is that the angsty shit makes for more heartfelt and “interesting” writing, which it probably does.
but who is the blog for, you or us? you’ve got to write what you feel, and dammit, if you feel happy, then by god write happy! i mean, if everyone was a depressed soul like myself then what would this world be like? i shudder to think!
mjrc’s last blog post..The Big Rock Pile
14 Jul 2008 at 8:18 am
I think I speak for everyone when I say if you’re happy, your readers are happy. Yay for you!
courtney’s last blog post..You Say It’s Your Blogday
14 Jul 2008 at 10:11 am
There was a dude in Annapolis who walked around — well, stomped around — shaking plastic bags. I don’t know why, but I get the feeling it was important work, that bag shaking.
Glad you’re feeling the happy. Send some my way?
Gypsy’s last blog post..Consumed
15 Jul 2008 at 12:16 am
It’s good to read your list. Mine is similar. It passes…
suzer’s last blog post..Since When is Immigrant a Dirty Word?
18 Jul 2008 at 1:27 pm