This Week on the (Dr.) OC: In praise of needles
With Dr. O’C returning to the ranks of the employed in a few weeks, this feature is likely short-lived. Maybe if we talk real nice to her she’ll continue - or at least get Baby Z born…
September 10, 2007
Chris and I had convinced ourselves that the baby was going to be late, so when my waters broke a week before my due date, I had to keep smelling my skirt to make sure that it wasn’t just a collapsed bladder. I walked back to the house, leaking as I went, in a bit of shock, giggling almost hysterically. When I get nervous I have a tendency to laugh. I think the reality was finally setting in. Poor Chris has to harass me to call the hospital to find out what to do next. We call our friends to pick up the dog, load up the car, call some family and head to the hospital. They confirm that my waters have broken (no shit, Sherlock) and offer us the option of either staying put and being induced or going home to see if things happen naturally overnight. Two things go racing through my head at this point - 1) There is no way I am ready for this baby to come now and 2) I don’t want my baby to born on September 11th. So, I convince Chris that we should go home and take the natural approach of wait and see.
We wake bright and early, after a surprisingly good nights sleep (for me anyway). I call the hospital to see when we can come in but they are busy so we wait. I have some email conversations with friends and we laugh and things are a bit surreal. Contractions haven’t started, I am in no pain but I know that we are going to have a kid, like, soon.
We eventually get the go ahead to go to the hospital and get sent to a ward to start the IV antibiotics. Chris and I waste away the afternoon playing scrabble with Chris nervously checking his watch every 10 mins. His patience was wearing thin when we had been waiting nearly 6 hours before they would take us to a delivery room. For me, I would have been happy to wait as long as they wanted!
The next 54 hours are like an out of body experience.
I hate needles, yet I have them sticking out of both arms until I leave. I hate pain and yet I know that labour was not going to be pain free. In the words of one of my wise friends “There is only one way out now”. I am a private person and yet I know that all types of people are going to be poking and prodding me and at some point it is going to get really messy. I have drips coming out of both arms, a contraction monitor and a fetal monitor strapped to my belly. Chris unplugs vital equipment to plug in his iPod stereo. He had been working on the playlist for months! I explain to the midwife my birth plan, which in one short word is DRUGS. I further explain that red heads are scientifically proven to be more sensitive to pain and when she had a minute she should line up the epidural. A natural birth was NEVER EVER an option. Personally I don’t see the point. The kid ain’t going to remember or care.
They start pouring the oxytocin into me. Contractions finally start and I cope well for a while. They wire me up to a TENS machine which does nothing but distract me from the pain because it is inflicting another more annoying type of pain. Some crazy substitute midwife (whilst the normal one was on a break) offers me a lavender footbath to relieve my increasing pain and I nearly tell her to fuck off, but restrain myself. I start calling for an epidural but it was a few hours before they would let me have that and when they do the relief is immediate. I love modern medicine- the whole keep-still-whilst-I am-shoving-this-needle-into-your-spine is a bit scary, especially when the contractions are coming hard and fast every minute or so. But damn that needle is a godsend.
The next few hours are a blur - a mix of sleep, epidural top-ups and internal examinations. But over forty hours after my waters break I am finally given the green light to push. Now there really is only one way out.
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Dr. OC, I am sooo jealous. I was induced and once the oxytocin took hold I was miserable. I had three, yes three epidurals and none of them took. At first they thought it was in the wrong place, so they redid it. Then the redid it again. Then they were confused. My anesthesiologist was barking at me, ‘You drug addict? What you take?(English was his second language) You take amphetimines, tell me now or you might die.’ I did not take drugs which I emphatically tried to relate while keening in pain. Apparently I have some sort of drug metabolic problem. I went in for a c-section eventually and they had to knock me out with Ketamine because I started FEELING the surgery. My husband was miserable, I think I got a back rub every night for the next six months because of it. The best part? We paid for all those epidurals that did jackshit and I was in full contraction with the maximum oxytocin and no pain relief for about 20 hours. Yet as every woman says, well nearly every woman, it was all worth it. Eventually.
23 Jul 2008 at 2:55 pm
Jesus, FF! I know I’m a guy, and thus weak, but if I were in charge of childbirth, mine would be a single child family.
Advantage of having your baby in a country with single payer health insurance - the epidurals that don’t work are free. As are those that do work.
23 Jul 2008 at 3:46 pm
FF. It initially only worked on one side, but that was better than nothing and I just had to lie on my side so it could work on that side.
Oxytocin induced contractions are bloody painful. I didn’t go into all the details, but they had me on 4 times the recommended dose before they realised my waters hadn’t broken fully. I don’t know what I would have done without the epidural. I am sorry you had to go through that. Did the back rubs go anyway to making up for it??
23 Jul 2008 at 3:52 pm
He unplugged vital machines to plug in his ipod. That’s the funniest thing ever and exactly something I would imagine this stranger I know nothing about doing!
I’m almost speechless after reading this! Childbirth is supposed to be chaotic and freaky! Yours sounds, I’m sorry, like something from a sitcom! Other than the pain, of course. I’m with you all the way on the medication thing. People who needlessly suffer are weird.
Is that true? Redheads are more sensitive to pain?? That explains sooo much!
I really hope you get to continue your segment here, Dr. O’C. I’m really enjoying your posts!
23 Jul 2008 at 8:45 pm
Ahhh I knew it! I’m not a big sook after all…I’m just a redhead! Validated at last…
Agness last blog post..Down With Telstra
23 Jul 2008 at 9:12 pm
I love the part about the iPod. That’s so thoroughly Chris.
Now, onto the needles. The anesthesiologist at Piper’s birth was fantastic. The guy at Graham’s birth, however, had to try the ol’ needle-in-the-spine trick three times before he got it in the right place. The first two times, my left leg went entirely numb and tingly — like it had fallen asleep — immediately. Once everything was in place, the medication was so strong that I was having a hard time breathing.
Nicholes last blog post..Dark of Knight
23 Jul 2008 at 10:21 pm
F*ck needles. Have a water birth. Kid swims like a fish too…..Pleeeease keep writing Dr OC. Call it therapy and claim it on tax.
arizaphales last blog post..Give It Me Baby…ah huh huh…
23 Jul 2008 at 10:29 pm
woah mental, i am never going there, i dont like pain, and it must be weird having something living inside you. if I have a baby, I am going the drugs route, for like the whole 9 months…
looking forward to the next installment… out comes ZDV! maybe i’d just go c-section…
SSGs last blog post..Update again
23 Jul 2008 at 11:18 pm
Drugs were the mainstay of all three of my birth plans. And since they all ended up being induced, the sooner - the better.
I hope you can still fit in a bit of guest posting for us after you start your new job.
24 Jul 2008 at 4:46 am
I think “vital” is a bit strong. It was just the little doo-hicky that measured the baby’s heart rate - hardly “vital”.
SSG - I look forward to meeting your drug baked baby. How many brain cells do you reckon it’ll have?
24 Jul 2008 at 8:09 am
I love the ‘fuck the hippy stuff’ attitude, get it out as fast and painless as possible.
Congratulations on the job, need a babysitter?
Xbox4NappyRashs last blog post..Waiting and donating
24 Jul 2008 at 8:17 am
I may keep on writing a little. My first non-Zach post is going to be bitching about our shipping company, but it wont be posted until we get our stuff. I want to make sure the post is the first to come up when they are googled!
SSG-Apart from morning sickness the pregnancy is a piece of cake. Although having to pee every 30 minutes is annoying.
Ariz-my problem with a water birth is that other people have given birth in that bath! Now unless you can tell me exactly how you clean it and prove to me it is clean, it is NEVER going to be an option. I am a bit of a germ freak.
Xbox-Thanks. you would have to fight my mum for the babysitting job:)
24 Jul 2008 at 9:24 am
http://www.newscientist.com/article/dn2923-red-heads-suffer-more-pain.html
A New Scientist link to prove that redheads are more sensitive to pain. Not sure if the research is up to AFM standards, but hey thats my proof and I am sticking with it:)
24 Jul 2008 at 9:41 am
Freak - full stop.
24 Jul 2008 at 9:51 am
Uh AFM, who is currently cooking all your meals and doing all your laundry and dragging your son into visit you at lunchtimes so you can see him when he is happy and full of energy? You better watch who you callin’ a freak.
24 Jul 2008 at 10:05 am