This Week on the (Dr.) OC: No joy but lacks salt
I know that I’m about as far from objective as I am from my homeland, but this week’s installment of Dr. O’C’s recounting of pregnancy and childbirth struck me to the quick. I’m not one to be quoting poetry, but her post this week made me think of a Robert Frost poem that I must have read in college:
I craved strong sweets, but those
Seemed strong when I was young;
The petal of the rose
It was that stung.Now no joy but lacks salt,
That is not dashed with pain…
The green light to push. SHIT! Now comes the hard and painful part right? Not so much. I can’t feel anything with the epidural and am completely reliant on the midwife to tell me when I am in the middle of a contraction and when to push. So I push for a bit, rest, push etc. I remember doing the breathing thing like they teach you in antenatal class and Chris doing it in my ear with me. So far so good. All very calm. But then in come the doctors, they chat with the midwife over in the corner. I (naively) assume that they are talking about someone else. A doctor had been in previously to examine me. But then they explain that because I had been in labour so long the baby’s heart rate wasn’t recovering at the end of every contraction. They said it very calmly. Explained that they were just going to help out a bit with a plunger! (Proper term is a Ventouse). Turn the babies head or something and hopefully that would do it. Chris started to get a bit panicky and so did I when I saw the size of the toilet plunger that was about to enter me. Chris assured me later it wasn’t really THAT big, but at the time it looked bloody enormous. Then things got a bit scary. It is all a bit of a blur now, but I remember the panic in Chris’s face when a pediatrician came in pushing an elaborate life support cart. I tried to reassure him, but was a bit frightened myself. We later found out this was completely normal procedure. A few more pushes and out came the baby, it was a boy - Z. He was whipped onto my stomach for some skin-to-skin contact and then whisked away to the cart for some tests. He was fine, but I wasn’t.
The long labour took its toll and I was (to put it bluntly) torn to bits. I lost a litre of blood and knew that things weren’t great when several doctors spent time arguing about whether or not we could get access to an operating theatre. All that kept going through my head was ‘But the baby is born, why would I need to be in an operating theatre?’ The lovely Irish obstetrician spent the next 55 minutes stitching me up. I knew how long it took because I could see the clock ticking by. I remember talking about Ireland, about my Nana who played camogie for Ireland (the OB played as well) and about other mundane things. I remember Chris asking if I wanted to hold Z. I mentally 
couldn’t. This wasn’t the happy but exhausted holding the baby scenario I had imagined it would be after he was born. Mostly I remember the OB telling me that it would only take 20 or so minutes and getting scared when it went much longer. I remember all the bloody gauze that she seemed to be going through. I tried to stay calm but 45 minutes into this ordeal I couldn’t. I started to cry. She finished up, I begged Chris to get me a private room (which you could pay for if available). Finally I was able to hold Z, but to be honest I don’t even remember it now. I don’t remember the first time I held my baby.
A lovely midwifery assistant brought me toast and yoghurt and washed me down and got me into some PJs. She helped me feed Z, which was a very strange sensation. I was wheeled upstairs to a private room thankfully and we just sat and stared at Z. I could barely move, Chris had to go home and here I was left with a baby who was big and swollen and surprisingly clean.
Chris came in the next morning with bundles of blue clothes. Clearly excited and besotted and a little better rested than I. Nurses, Doctors and Physiotherapists came by and checked up on us both. They garbled a bunch of instructions at me but I was too exhausted to take much in. We went off to the pediatrician to have him checked over and he peed on the intern. We registered his birth and I begged to be let go home. I didn’t want to stay in the hospital any longer than I needed. In retrospect I probably should have. I was weak, battered and probably in a bit of shock from the trauma of the birth. I thought if I went home everything would be normal. I finally convinced them and left with a bag of drugs to take over the coming weeks, and a kid! I also left with explicit instructions not to lift anything heavier than the baby for 6 weeks. I think in retrospect they should have told me to consider my wound as serious as a c-section because then maybe I wouldn’t have been so blasé about the whole thing and maybe it wouldn’t have gotten worse.
————————————-
Phantom Planet’s “The Guest” is available from 
and Amazon
Popularity: 78% [?]
lovely catch for Wordless! Mine’s up too hope you can drop by.. Happy WW!
30 Jul 2008 at 5:18 pm
Wow, again I’m thanking whoever that I’m the fella.
I really appreciate the bluntness of this though actually.
Xbox4NappyRashs last blog post..Hiding the body
30 Jul 2008 at 8:14 pm
As stated, objectivity isn’t in my favor here, but I daresay that this is one of the most honest and evocative posts ever to grace this site. Maybe she’s going to surpass me not only in terms of photography, baking and earning power but writing as well. Does wonders for the self-esteem.
I’m with you Xbox, glad I’m the guy.
30 Jul 2008 at 8:31 pm
Valuable reading for people actually. No unnecessary gloss nor gore.
And…how is it possible that the kid is SO bloody cute right at birth, plunger et al?
Normally, and I don’t care what people say, they tend to look like recess monkeys.
Xbox4NappyRashs last blog post..The eagle has landed
30 Jul 2008 at 9:17 pm
Gee shucks boys I am blushing.
No gore, because I don’t want people trying to picture my private parts. Also some people who are pregnant or plan on being pregnant in the future read this and there is no point scaring the shit out of them. Plus everyones birth story is different. Mine was just a bit complicated.
30 Jul 2008 at 9:26 pm
Xbox-He wasn’t wrinkled because he was swollen from the induction hormones being pumped into me. That and great genetics:) Although, he did have a bit of a cone head which you can’t see in these picutres.
30 Jul 2008 at 9:28 pm
I’d like to point out that the good lookin’ genes - those are mine.
30 Jul 2008 at 9:56 pm
Yup, being a woman definitely does not have it’s perks when it comes to birthing a child and being ripped open. After 14.5 hours of natural labor, I ended up having a c-section. Talk about feeling stiff! Not being able to bend into the craddle to scoop up your darling.
But then again, my husband called it right!
Gins last blog post..Uh, okay. If you say so!!
30 Jul 2008 at 11:03 pm
Oh, the post I put in my comment didn’t show. furrypad.blogspot(dot)com/2006/09/hair-growth.html
Just replace the (dot) with a .
Ciao!
Gins last blog post..Uh, okay. If you say so!!
30 Jul 2008 at 11:06 pm
This was an excellent post. I also found it a bit scary, and I’m hoping that April (now 23 weeks along) doesn’t read this (I think she’s nervous enough).
This is another reason why men do not have babies. Sure, there is that whole evolutionary argument that’s pretty valid, but in reality, we wouldn’t be able to handle this … we’re just wimps.
31 Jul 2008 at 1:31 am
Perhaps this isn’t the appropriate post in which to leave this comment, but I must lavish praise onto this new blog-look somewhere, so it might as well be in the bowels of this extremely frightening post.
Speaking for my gender, as I am wont to do, guys ARE fucking wimps; I grimaced so acutely while reading this that my face just melted.
Ryans last blog post..
31 Jul 2008 at 1:55 am
GAH. I am never having children. Thanks for the warning, Dr. O’C!
courtneys last blog post..I Wanna Believe!
31 Jul 2008 at 3:53 am
ouch. how long did the drugs last before the numbness wore off? and would it out you off being pregnant again? man does it mean you gotta stop having sex all the time?
31 Jul 2008 at 6:03 am
Ouch! I sure hope that in about 16 weeks I don’t have to go through the same thing. This post however, didn’t really scare me, mostly because more or less the same thing happened to my mother (so I’ve been scared all along). About 26 years ago they delivered my brother, full-term and completely breech, vaginally, breaking his arm and collarbone in the process, and tearing my dear mom to shreds. She nearly didn’t make it, and had to have serious reconstructive surgery, both right after the birth, and again several weeks later after a hemorrhage. (This was a definite case of malpractice for reasons too numerous and scary to mention here, including drunk OBs, but it was the early ’80s in the rural mid-west and that sort of thing just wasn’t done). The doctors then said no more babies for her, which wasn’t so bad since she’d had the two of us, but it still sucks to have the option taken away.
Ap;rils last blog post..Wordless Wednesday: A splash of pink
31 Jul 2008 at 7:06 am
Oops, sorry about the typo, can’t even spell my own name!
Aprils last blog post..Wordless Wednesday: A splash of pink
31 Jul 2008 at 7:07 am
I don’t mean to put anyone off childbirth. Mine was unusual and complicated because I had been on high levels of drugs to induce the birth and the labour took so long. Shit happens. To answer SSG’s comment, it doesn’t put me off having another child at all. Second children always come out easier. Also I don’t want Z to be an only child.
April-Modern medicine has advanced enormously, so you will be fine. The reason I never considered, even for a nanosecond, having the baby in a birthing centre, is because I wanted access to all the doctors, specialists and equipment medicine can offer in case anything went wrong.
Boys-Yes you are wimps:) Chris had to leave the room for all the internal examinations. Surprisingly though he was at the tail end when Z did emerge.
31 Jul 2008 at 8:55 am
Gin- Your husband sounds like a wise man.
31 Jul 2008 at 8:59 am
That is one heck of a story. I don’t know how long they took to stitch me up after LittleMan. Like you say, every birth and every baby is different. Great story, and I am glad you shared.
NATUIs last blog post..Who Is Walking Whom?
31 Jul 2008 at 12:41 pm
wow. i had a whole 3 stitches (i tore up around my urethra. rare, but apparently easier to heal than tearing back) and took about 2 seconds. (thats in epidural time of course)
i’m so glad you’re sharing your story. i dont think people are open and blunt enough with birth stories. they are a beautiful, painful, special, tramatic, wonderful, terrifying, amazing experiences that i thinks gives you something as a person… not to mention the little person that typically is the end result.
holly*s last blog post..blackberry season.
31 Jul 2008 at 2:26 pm
Mine was complicated too OC and I’d do it again ten times to get the bebe.
I have to say and it’s not siding with the boys but I almost(key word almost) think you guys have it worse. It’s like watching your kids in pain and you can’t stop it.
My poor husband held my hand and just said over and over as I was keening from the lack of epidural effectiveness, “I’m so sorry, I didn’t think it was going to be like this. Is there anything I can do?”(there wasn’t) He also kept trying to figure out when to take the doctors to task or whether this level of pain was normal, usual…
He held my hand through all the worst parts and even told me I looked like a borg with all the moniters hanging out of my chacha and the wires attached everywhere which made me laugh.
And he held her next to me after surgery when I was too weak and dazed to hold her but wanted her close to me. We might experience all of the pain but we certainly don’t do it alone.
Chriss last blog post..Manscaping the Manzilian - Part One
31 Jul 2008 at 2:35 pm
NATUI-Thanks.
Holly-I think people are only open when they go well. Out of the 8 girls I did an antenatal class with, only two had uncomplicated births. Still, I am glad I wasn’t made aware of all the possible complications that could arise before I gave birth.
Chris-It wouldn’t bother me to watch AFM in pain, if it meant I didn’t have to go through it:) Seriously though, it is a team effort. Whilst I was getting stitched up it was lovely and distracting to see Chris holding the baby and singing softly to him.
01 Aug 2008 at 11:03 am
It was a good idea to let AFM hold the baby. I held mine and was so tired I suffocated her (holding on too tight). They whisked her away when we noticed she was a navy blue colour but she pinked up ok once she could breathe. Maybe that’s why she’s such a blonde? I remember saying after she was born that “I’m never doing that again.” and sadly, I was right.
arizaphales last blog post..Pain
01 Aug 2008 at 3:34 pm
AFM (biased or not) hit the nail on the head when he said this post was honest and evocative. Also as stated, you managed to convey the difficulties without overstating the gore. You are a gifted story teller. Having three kids (and two grand kids whose births I attended) I can relate to much of what you say, as some of them were quite complicated.
02 Aug 2008 at 2:40 am
She puts me in pain sometimes, if the truth be told.
05 Aug 2008 at 3:16 pm