If this image triggers a sense of forboding in you, then you are more perceptive than me.

A number of you predicted that The Battle of Fountain Valley Pond wasn’t going to be the end of my goose troubles – lack of faith that I dismissed with, in hindsight, hubris. I mean, I know that birds are smarter and more organized than we give them credit. But I really thought our glorious rout of the geese of Happy Valley would put an end to it – what kind of response would a flock of geese bullies really be able to put together.

Well, I know that animal behaviorists (and presumably birds) bristle at the term “bird brain”. I know that these animal behaviorists have been looking at the “social intelligence” of groups of birds. But I had no idea of their capacity to organize and communicate. It seems that the birds of South Australia have declared a fatwa on A Free Man and his family.

And they’ve gotten nasty. As you’ll no doubt recall, Baby Z was left as a reserve force in our glorious victory last week. He was a virtual innocent, merely observing from a distance. Apparently these  avianofascists have no chance in a pitched battle, so they’ve opted for back biting and cowardly terrorist attacks.

We spent Saturday at the Adelaide Zoo, our first visit to Australia’s Second Oldest Zoo (This is really one of their selling points. Maybe time for a marketing shake up.) Z had mixed feelings about the animals. Most of them he found pretty dull, particularly the ones that just laid about. But he was enchanted by some – the gibbons, the yellow footed rock wallabies, the goats and the bird that you see at the top of this post.

I should have seen it coming. This bird clearly has the crazed glint of an extremist in his eye. I keep playing it all back in my head, in slow motion – Z’s fingers reaching through the mesh, the muscles in that bastard bird’s neck tensing for the strike, the horrible sound of beak on flesh followed by Dr. O’C’s screams. It will haunt me for the rest of my days.

The battle is well and truly joined now, you feathered fiends. No more Mr. Nice Guy, no more casualty free confrontations. You have uncorked the wrath of A Free Man. If I can borrow the words of another great American warrior – “Bring it on.”

And I’ve got to give Z credit. He’s battle tested now  and rather than retreating meekly to the rear as some babies might, Z was back on the front lines the very next day. Here is is staring down some of the enemy on Henley Beach.

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Terror Bird is a Vancouver, BC trio that I’m sure is going to be thrilled to be tangentially associated with the quixotic ravings of a man embroiled in his own personal war with birds. But I couldn’t resist posting their Siouxsie-esque track along with this post. Their debut 7″ is out on Summer Lovers.

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* A bush thick-knee apparently. Endangered my butt. I’m fixin’ to show it endangered.

 
icon for podpress  Terror Bird - "Shame Is On Your Side" [2:42m]: Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

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