This I Believe
Annie Savoy: What do you believe in, then?
Crash Davis: Well, I believe in the soul, the cock, the pussy, the small of a woman’s back, the hanging curve ball, high fiber, good scotch, that the novels of Susan Sontag are self-indulgent, overrated crap. I believe Lee Harvey Oswald acted alone. I believe there ought to be a constitutional amendment outlawing Astroturf and the designated hitter. I believe in the sweet spot, soft-core pornography, opening your presents Christmas morning rather than Christmas Eve and I believe in long, slow, deep, soft, wet kisses that last three days. Goodnight.
I had intended to start yesterday’s post with a kind of statement of things I believe strongly in, the point being that I did not want to argue about the merits of evolution again. A sort of personal manifesto. The post was getting fairly unwieldy, though, so I killed it.
But I’ve been coming back to the list since then and I actually like it a lot. NPR listeners may be familiar with one of my favorite of their programs, “This I Believe”, on which average people read an essay about their core beliefs. One of these days I’m going to write a proper “This I Believe” essay. But until then and with apologies to Edward R Murrow, Michael Stipe and Crash Davis, here is what I believe.
- I believe in Karma, The Golden Rule, reaping what you sow, however you label it. You get back what you give out.
- I believe that a civilized society has an obligation to look after its poor, its weak, its sick. I believe that, unfortunately, government is the only entity that is imparial enough to be capable of doing so.
- I believe that through some bizarre twist of fate I’ve ended up with the most wonderful woman on the planet as a life partner and the mother of my child.
- I believe that we can explain the incredible diversity of life on this planet without invoking the supernatural. I believe in Muller’s Ratchet, Mendel’s Laws, Occam’s Razor and Darwinian Evolution.
- I believe that I am as happy as I make up my mind to be.
- I believe that my son is as close to a perfect expression of humanity as you’re likely to find.
- I believe that a world without music would be a world in which I would rather not live.
- I believe in a personal god of my own understanding.
- I believe that every person has a fundamental right to choose their own path in life. To make their own choices about their bodies, about where, how and if they worship, about what they read and say, about what they do behind the four walls of their home. I believe that their right to choose their own destiny stops when their fist hits my face.
- I believe that it’s getting better all the time. A little better all the time.
And…
I believe in coyotes and time as an abstract
Explain the change, the difference between
What you want and what you need, there’s the key…I believe my humor’s wearing thin
And change is what I believe in
I believe my shirt is wearing thin
And change is what I believe in…I believe in example
I believe my throat hurts…
What do you believe?
——————-
R.E.M.’s “Life’s Rich Pageant” is available from 
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R.E.M.: I Believe…
http://www.afreeman.org/podpress_trac/web/1400/0/REM_IBelieve.mp3…
17 Sep 2008 at 6:32 pm
Absolutely beautiful. Thank you.
Maybe we should all work on posts about stating plain and simple what we believe.
17 Sep 2008 at 7:00 pm
I love this–
This could practically have been my personal “I Believe Essay” —
Except that:
a) You’ve stumped me on #4- I only knew 2 of those.
b) #7 is too drastic for me.
All the rest of them literally could have been written by me!
So glad to have met my male counterpart– Florida Boy in Adelaide. My husband was cracking up at that!
17 Sep 2008 at 8:23 pm
Wow. Wonderful post. I only wish I could express myself so succinctly.
Totally agree with #7 too. I shudder to think…
Agness last blog post..I love the odd cover
17 Sep 2008 at 10:21 pm
Oh my I do like this.
You’ll have me thinking for a while now. That hurts.
I couldn’t possibly agree more with #2 (and #7 incidentally).
Xbox4NappyRashs last blog post..One week wait
17 Sep 2008 at 11:02 pm
I believe you are phenomenally lucky to have achieved no 3. Not many of us do.
The fact that I cannot add anything much to this list is probably the reason I called you in the first place.
Even no 8. I mean there was that whole: ’sacrifice your son Abraham…….naaaaaah, only joking…’ thing.
arizaphales last blog post..You Teach Your Daughters
17 Sep 2008 at 11:30 pm
Nice list. I agree with most of these (especially #7).
Andrews last blog post..Listening to Colin Healy and the Jet Skis
18 Sep 2008 at 3:00 am
Don’t forget Don Williams, the Gentle Giant, the oldest and most beloved of today’s still-living American country musicians, the man who provided the soundtrack of my childhood and who almost got me named “Amanda.”
He wrote a whole song like this, called “I Believe in You.” I can’t say I believe in everything he believes in, but I believe in a whole lot of his sentiment.
In fact, many apologies, I can’t help myself, I have to give you the lyrics in their entirety. Sorry.
I don’t believe in superstars,
Organic food and foreign cars.
I don’t believe the price of gold;
The certainty of growing old.
That right is right and left is wrong,
That north and south can’t get along.
That east is east and west is west.
And being first is always best.
But I believe in love.
I believe in babies.
I believe in Mom and Dad.
And I believe in you.
Well, I don’t believe that heaven waits,
For only those who congregate.
I like to think of God as love:
He’s down below, He’s up above.
He’s watching people everywhere.
He knows who does and doesn’t care.
And I’m an ordinary man,
Sometimes I wonder who I am.
But I believe in love.
I believe in music.
I believe in magic.
And I believe in you.
Well, I know with all my certainty,
What’s going on with you and me,
Is a good thing.
It’s true, I believe in you.
I don’t believe virginity,
Is as common as it used to be.
In working days and sleeping nights,
That black is black and white is white.
That Superman and Robin Hood,
Are still alive in Hollywood.
That gasoline’s in short supply,
The rising cost of getting by.
But I believe in love.
I believe in old folks.
I believe in children.
I believe in you.
But I believe in love.
I believe in babies.
I believe in Mom and Dad.
And I believe in you.
(By the way, Google tells me this ditty is available in a ring tone, EFF WHY EYE. You’re welcome.)
maggie, dammits last blog post..up for air
18 Sep 2008 at 3:40 am
What until you hear the I believe speech in my latest screenplay.
Trooper Thorns last blog post..Become Immortal in My First Contest
18 Sep 2008 at 7:51 am
[…] from one you last night expressing disappointment with a throw-away line that I left in my “This I Believe” list. It was a joke, albeit a not very good one. One of the limitations with the written word is […]
18 Sep 2008 at 8:58 am
I love “This I Believe” on NPR and I loved your version. Although I did miss the scandalous remark, oh well. Bull Durham was/is/has been one of my favorite movies and Crash Davis’ “I believe” quote IS the BEST part of that movie. So thank you for yet another wonderful post that makes me smile. I would also like to submit my “This I Believe” someday, but right now I’ll just keep believing quietly to myself…
Toastys last blog post..Equal Opportunity Family Bashing
19 Sep 2008 at 4:41 am
Good stuff, and I almost totally agree. I would agree completely but I’ve never met your child or your wife, so I’ll just have to take your word for it.
Also, Bull Durham and Silverado are the only movies I can tolerate with Kevin Costner. Oh, and The Untouchables but that’s only because of Sean.
Gypsys last blog post..And the clouds parted
19 Sep 2008 at 5:09 am
I absolutely disagree with #1…. I’ve given loads of money to the Powerball lottery, and I haven’t received it back.
#7, though…. I 100% agree with that.
Joes last blog post..My baby girl!!
19 Sep 2008 at 7:41 am
Ahh, Bull Durham. One of my favorites.
courtneys last blog post..Hi-Ho, Hi-Ho
19 Sep 2008 at 7:48 am
Leonaut - thanks for linking.
Angel - let’s see your list!
Florida Girl - which 2 did you know? Life without music would be pretty drastic as well.
Agnes/Andrew - I thought y’all might be on board with #7!
Xbox - are you a commie like me?
Ariza - he did a lot of smiting, smiting is kind of dickish isn’t it?
Maggie - I love that song and haven’t heard it in years! I’m inspired to dig that one up from somewhere.
Trooper - I’ll look forward to that, where can I see it?
Toasty - no way. The best exchange from that movie (and I write this from memory, thank you) is:
Crash: Well, he really hit the shit outta that one, didn’t he?
Ebby: I held it like an egg.
Crash: Yeah, and he scrambled the son of a bitch. Look at that, he hit the fucking bull! Guy gets a free steak! You having fun yet?
Gypsy: I wouldn’t have included Silverado. I don’t know why people say that Field of Dreams of The Natural are the best baseball films, it’s clearly Bull Durham.
Joe: I’m not sure that’s the way karma works.
Courtney: Your shower shoes have fungus on them. You’ll never make it to the bigs with fungus on your shower shoes. Think classy, you’ll be classy. If you win 20 in the show, you can let the fungus grow back and the press’ll think you’re colorful. Until you win 20 in the show, however, it means you are a slob.
19 Sep 2008 at 10:41 am
I was familiar with Occam’s Razor and Darwinian Evolution– I really should have paid more attention in class.
Would life without music mean the soundtrack to Mamma Mia would finally stop repeating itself in my head? Though I do love it, I would be happy if it would give me a break for a few hours.
Florida Girl In Sydneys last blog post..Run Daddy Run
23 Sep 2008 at 2:13 pm