Hot like wasabi when I bust rhymes
The world’s your oyster shell
So what’s that funny smell
You eat the bivalve anyway
And you’re sick with salmonella
You get your Ph.D.
How happy you will be
When you get a job at Wendy’s
And are honored with employee of the month…
Toad, who is rapidly becoming my favorite music blogger, has been writing a lot about “Dad Rock” lately. You know the genre, the kind of music that your Dad sings along to when it came on the radio, the compilations that they sell at the gas station on Father’s Day for forgetful children, the songs that he knows only a few lines of and sings repeatedly rather than learning the whole tune. Well, what’s vaguely disturbing is that some of the music of my youth is becoming today’s Dad rock. I guess that’s appropriate since I’ve become a Dad myself. I’d like to humbly offer another band that fits squarely in the Dad Rock genre - The Barenaked Ladies.
I became a fan of the Canadian pop group with a marketer’s dream name upon the release of “Stunt” in 1998. In the autumn of that year I was in the hunt for a Ph.D. program and for reasons that are still unclear to me, I was a hot prospect. I felt like what a top shelf high school football player must feel like when it’s recruiting time for the big colleges. I had colleges phoning me, colleges flying me out to wine and dine me and colleges throwing fat stipends at me. It was a glorious time. (My eventual choice, the University of Missouri, probably regrets the expenditure now.) During one of my visits, to Iowa State, I heard this record for the first time. I remember my hosts singing along happily to “One Week” on the drive from the Des Moines airport to Ames and being instantly attracted by the Ladies’ clever penmanship and tongue-in-cheek ‘rap’.
Like Kurasawa I make mad films
Okay I don’t make films
But if I did they’d have a samurai
Gonna get a set of better clubs
Gonna find the kind with tiny nubs just so my
Irons aren’t always flying off the back-swing
Gotta get in tune with ‘Sailor Moon’
Cause that cartoon has got the boom anime babes
That make me think the wrong thing…
It was three years later when The Barenaked Ladies really made their way into heavy and permanent rotation in the soundtrack to my life. In the late spring of that year my grandfather took ill while visiting my parents in Florida. He and my grandmother had to fly back to Canada for medical treatment leaving their van down south. I was in the second year of my Ph.D. and a bit bored, so I offered to fly over to pick up the van, drive the van up to northern Ontario and fly back down to Missouri. Despite the obvious sad nature of the circumstances, I looked on a road trip as an opportunity that might relieve my ennui. And I just might have had an ulterior motive.
You see, I had met Dr. O’C in February and we were undertaking a very complicated** and long-distance relationship. Now, I’m nothing if not cagey (Machiavellian, some have said) and I thought maybe I could have a chance to see this woman that I had fallen so heavily for if I pitched this as a trip to an exotic part of the world. The wilds of northern Ontario, don’t you know, bears and moose and the rugged frontier of North America. Remarkably enough, it worked. I convinced Dr O’C to fly out and meet me in Toronto and accompany me the rest of the way. With this to anticipate, as I hit I-95 north from Florida, I was a man with a mission.
A few days and eleven hundred miles later, I picked Dr. O’C up from the airport and after a couple of nights in Toronto, we headed north for the eight hour drive to my grandparents’ home. I’ve never had the love of the road that a lot of my countrymen do, but I didn’t want that stretch of the trip to end. We would have listened to a lot of music on that trip - probably Gomez, Steve Earle, The Dandy Warhols, Lucinda Williams and Barenaked Ladies. I had “Stunt” on this weekend and it brought this trip back to me in a flood.
The Barenaked Ladies never sounded better than they did on that road trip. They’re not a great band, but their sharply clever lyrics were tailor made for barreling out of North Bay, through ramshackle old mining towns like Temagami, Englehart, Swastika (really) and Cochrane. The Barenaked Ladies’ irresistible pop licks sound perfect when listened to in a minivan driving through the granite strewn hills and around the azure lakes of northern Ontario with a woman that you’re falling in love with.
We didn’t see any bears on that trip and we didn’t see any moose. We did nearly get devoured alive by the most ubiquitous wildlife in that part of the world, the black fly. We decided to stop for a picnic by a lake just outside of Tarzwell. As we opened up the back of the van and started to make sandwiches, the sky went dark and before we knew what was happening we were under attack from all around. Recognizing a losing battle, we hopped back in the van and took off, but even with windows wide open I think we still had a few of those blood thirsty bastards in the van as we pulled in to my grandparents’ driveway.
There’s a lot I will never do
Some fantastic, I know it’s true
But none as much as my want to be with you
It’s over seven years since that trip and our relationship is a lot different. For one thing, happily, it’s much less complicated. We have a son together and three continents under our belt. We’ve been through some tough times and we’ve been through some wonderful times. But over every single day of that seven years, I’m as happy to see Dr. O’C as I was when I picked her up in Toronto in 2001 and “Stunt” will always make me smile as I remember this road trip.
————————
* The photo at the top of this post was taken in one of those mall photo booths in my Grandparents’ home town. It is still my favorite of the two of us.
**A story for another time, I’m afraid.
————————
The Barenaked Ladies’ “Stunt” is available from 
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Popularity: 50% [?]
Allow me to be the first:
“Chickity China the Chinese chicken
You have a drumstick and your brain stops tickin’
Watchin X-Files with no lights on, we’re dans la maison
I hope the Smoking Man’s in this one”
Because it is, after all, about X-Files!
Awesome story, darlin’. I’ll have to plug that song in for some heavy rotation.
Coal Miner’s Granddaughters last blog post..Flirt
21 Oct 2008 at 11:40 am
You two are so cute. And, like Leanne Rimes, it’s all about values.
21 Oct 2008 at 12:09 pm
Dad Rock… what an awesome term. I wonder if “Cake” falls into that genre. I absolutely love The Barenaked Ladies and have all their albums.
It’s strange to think that in 15 years, the rock I grew up with will be classic rock, and what was classic rock will become the oldies.
21 Oct 2008 at 12:42 pm
And yet another reason to love the Barenaked Ladies!
I am one of those people who find road trips strangely romantic, although 1100 miles might just take the edge off of that!
I’ve heard about, but never seen the famous black flies of Northern Canada - they really come down in swarms like that? (shudder)
What great pictures of you two - I haven’t seen one of those photo booths in forever, have you?
21 Oct 2008 at 12:49 pm
Damn! CMG, you beat me to it!
Great story Chris - I’ve never done a serious road trip (only a few days here and there), I must get around to that one of these days.
Those photo booths - they have them in some shopping centres here. Or at dodgy country shows, where having your photo taken is more exciting than winning yet another cheap stuffed toy or riding the only ride there, usually a rickety old clanker called the ‘Octopus’ or the ‘Hurricane’.
Oh, and I agree, Toad is a fantastic blogger, one of my daily fixes. He certainly has a way with words that one.
Agness last blog post..Sacrifice to the gig gods
21 Oct 2008 at 4:08 pm
CMG - How can I help it if I think youre funny when youre mad,
Trying hard not to smile though I feel bad,
Im the kind of guy who laughs at a funeral,
Cant understand what I mean? you soon will
I have a tendency to wear my mind on my sleeve
I have a history of losing my shirt.
Nichole - But, Bert Kaempfert’s got the mad hits
Joe - Cake’s probably not there yet, but by the time Tyler’s 5 or so for sure.
We Be Toys - I have never been one to let facts ruin a good story.
Agnes - Maybe we’ll look for one and do the same photo 7 years later. Although that could be depressing.
21 Oct 2008 at 4:14 pm
what a great post. great peek into your life. It´s weird how albums become associated with times in your life when you listened to them a lot. There are some albums I can´t listen to, unless I want to sit and have a good cry.
Bluestreaks last blog post..Unattached Shame at the Flea Market (it´s just like a Mini Mall)
21 Oct 2008 at 5:11 pm
Man, I like vanilla, its the finest of the flavours.
Sorry, do we all have to post the lyrics? That photo of you guys is way too… you know, sweet and cool at the same time. Rock out with your caulk out! (been waiting to use that phrase for ages, may as well be here even though it dont make sense).
Dudes do you think weeZ will think you’re cool when he’s older. And I so wanna do a roadtrip, your life has been kinda cool, I wanna do exciting shit when I’m young too! Student forever! Anyways, I would like to do a coast to coast USA road trip, and I miss Canada sometimes. i bet they’re having some nice trees this fall. over.
21 Oct 2008 at 5:14 pm
Just to be pedantic (cause I am), and this part of the story is probably only relevant to those who know the whole of it, is that we weren’t ‘in a long distance relationship’, it was more you were stalking me and I thought it would be a good opportunity to go to a part of Canada I hadn’t been too before.
21 Oct 2008 at 5:38 pm
Bluestreak - Most of the records that I associate with bad memories I don’t listen to much anymore. Except for Sugar’s - “Copper Blue”. That’s too good not to listen to just because I was listening to it during a bad spell.
SSG - I can almost assure you that Wee Z will not think I’m cool when he gets to be about 13.
Yes, bonus points for comments done in the form of Barenaked Ladies lyrics.
Dr. O’C - You say stalking, I say relationship. Potato, po-taht-o.
21 Oct 2008 at 8:00 pm
Love the stalking bit,
almost as much as pitching the backwoods of Canada as a rugged frontier. They pay people isolation pay to teach up there.
Sherries last blog post..Sickie, Sorry!
21 Oct 2008 at 9:07 pm
haha u and dr o’c crack me up! you crack me up howard! he he he!
21 Oct 2008 at 10:32 pm
How sweet to see a happy couple who sets the record straight on the blog!
As for Mom Rock, as I will refer to it…I beg my Teen to turn me on to something current. But oh no. He’s stuck in the 70s while I’m out here stalking Wilco and Bright Eyes and the Sleepytime Gorilla Museum.
Prefers Her Fantasy Lifes last blog post..Joe the Plumber Lives, Breathes and Blogs!!!
22 Oct 2008 at 12:10 am
Ahh, I love those road trip memories. And with a soundtrack? So much the better.
Gypsys last blog post..Hand in the cookie jar
22 Oct 2008 at 12:15 am
Awww. Nostalgic music is the best, especially when it reminds you of good times. But I guarantee that if you and Dr. O’C ever broke up (not that you would, but just hypothetically), you’d hate the Barenaked Ladies like nothing else.
Also, I believe we’re going to need some clarification on this long distance relationship vs. stalking debate. Dare I ask for a point/counterpoint post?
22 Oct 2008 at 1:51 am
My favorite BNL song is definitely “If I had a million dollars.”
So much fun to sing along with:
“If I had a million dollars
I’d buy you a green dress
but not a real green dress
that’s cruel”
So does all of the music from our adolescence/young adult lives become “Dad Rock”?
Aprils last blog post..Wordless Wednesday: Flowers and more
22 Oct 2008 at 3:19 am
Oh God, I had never thought of it before but BNL totally fits into dad rock!
Nice to see some back story on a free man. Very enjoyable. One of my favorite posts - although the battle against the geese will still be #1
Andrews last blog post..East Village Opera Company at Jepson Theatre, 10/20/08
22 Oct 2008 at 3:34 am
Wow. BNL! What a great post. I was a fan back in their Gordon days. Million dollars and Yoko Ono are still two of my all time favs.
If I was John and you were Yoko,
I would gladly give up musical genius,
Just to have you as my very own, personal Venus.
Absolutely, brilliant.
I can remember driving down some freeway in the ATL, the DJ introducing BNL as a “new band” as an intro to One Week, and my screaming at the radio that they were NOT new. LOL Those were the days.
I’ve seen them twice, and if you EVER get the chance to go, I promise you a concert of a lifetime. They are brilliant musically and their sharp-tongue on DC is absolutely nothing compared to live.
Your homework for tonight is to download their version of McDonald’s Girl. It will not disappoint. Let me know if you can’t find it and I’ll get it to you.
I am in love with a McDonalds girl
She is an angel in a polyester uniform
NATUIs last blog post..Leafblowers and Neighbors Who Hate You
22 Oct 2008 at 5:04 am
realtionship/stalker, potato/po-tah-to: you guys crack me up!
It makes me laugh to hear you young things talking about Dad Rock. Geez, in my Dad we didn’t even HAVE Dad rock. The most my Dad ever sang along to was “She Loves You Yeah, yeah yeah”…………
arizaphales last blog post..It Just Keeps Getting Better
22 Oct 2008 at 6:04 am
Sherrie - Yep, my Grandparents lived in one of the northernmost towns in Ontario that could be reached by paved road. North of there was either by plane or 4×4. Always found that cool.
SSG - Are you stoned again?
Prefers - Bright Eyes is fantastic “I’m Wide Awake It’s Morning” is one of the best records of the decade.
Gypsy - It’s been awhile since we’ve had a good one, but I’m pushing for a trip into Australia’s desolate interior.
Courtney - Maybe you can convince Dr. O’C to write her perspective as a post, she’s due for another one. Oh, and it may make me cruel, but there’s lots of music that I thought would be inextricably linked with ex-es. But I listen to most of that now with no thought of the ex. One of the advantages of getting older, water under the bridge. But your right, it would take a while.
April - That’s one of my favorites as well. As for your question, I don’t know. We’ll have to ask Toad, who seems to be the arbiter of Dad Rock.
Andrew - Thanks. I think the goose one is better as well.
NATUI - I’ve never heard “McDonald’s Girl” but would love to. Radio DJs are generally dipshits. That’s why I rarely listen to the radio.
22 Oct 2008 at 6:57 am
Arizaphale - How about “Dad Big Band” or “Dad Vocal Jazz” or “Dad Easy Listening”? I’ve been in touch with your Dad, by the way. I might have shared your comment about people who have to call him “Professor”.
22 Oct 2008 at 7:06 am
dr o’c just made me laugh right out loud.
lovely and lucky, both of yous.
ms picket to yous last blog post..Ruthie’s Daughter
22 Oct 2008 at 10:03 am
love the photo booth shot
nursemyras last blog post..gee whizz
22 Oct 2008 at 4:29 pm
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