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With apologies to William Shakespeare, Kat Stratford and poets everywhere:
- I hate the way you cannot count and blame you for the last eight years.
- I hate your endless strip malls. I hate your garish beachfront condos.
- I hate your big flying roaches and all your violent crime.
- I hate you so much it makes me sick — It even makes me rhyme.
- I hate your overpriced theme parks. I hate your tourist traps.
- I hate your phallic capital and its corrupt political denizens.
- I hate your Disney franchise. And the money it will cost me as a Dad.
- But mostly I hate your Florida Gators — Percy, Tebow, Meyer; I hate them most of all.
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Ha! I agree! Terrible strip malls. Tower after tower of ugly condos (much liek the Gold Coast). Gross Palmetto bugs that fly in your face and somehow always end up in your house/bathroom (no matter how hard you try to keep me out). The Gators suck and the Hurricanes are worse (go Seminoles). And yes… blame Florida for eight of the worst (if not the worst) years in presidential history.
With all of that said. I miss the sound of the cicadas in summer, the Spanish moss on the trees, manatees, fresh springs, fried clams and hush-puppies, key lime pie and various other wonderful things about Florida.
It isn’t all bad!
Erins last blog post..Saturday- Shopping, Salmon and Sleepers
…(much LIKE the Gold Coast)…
Although I was educated in the appalling Florida education system… I can spell. Most of the time.
Erins last blog post..Saturday- Shopping, Salmon and Sleepers
I hate the way native Floridians refuse to sweat. Because my stained pits are like a beacon: “Pick my pocket, y’all! I’m a TOURIST!”
Ginnys last blog post..It’s Friday, and If I Had An Office Job, I’d Be Doing That Half-Assed Too
Er…..was that ten? Only eight dot points but at least 11 ‘hates’ and a couple of double ups with ‘and’….I dunno…just saying. Maybe Shakespeare could only count as well as he could spell.
Oh, and on the Disney thing? Methinks thou doth protest too much.
arizaphales last blog post..Not Necessarily Smooth Sailing
I´m gonna have to do one of these weeks on my blog about Arizona, in an attempt to cure my homesickness. Weird how I can simultaneously miss and hate a place at the same time. Flying cockroaches…now THAT I wouldn´t miss. SICK.
Bluestreaks last blog post..Today I had my citizenry questioned (and probably deserved it, but whatever, Dipshit)
You’ve done it! You’ve finally found something we agree on, AFM!!
Just so the record is clear, I hated Florida and all that it holds BEFORE they kicked our guts out this past weekend.
I’ve been to Florida 3 times in my life. First time I was mugged, second I was stalked, third I met my now ex-husband.
And Tebow.
All that makes even the flying cockroaches look okay.
I am so jumping on the “I hate Florida” bandwagon.
*Oh, and I loved that movie. It was my first love affair with Heath.*
take a chill pill dude….. man most of our oranges come from Florida, dont they? is it’s motto the sunshine state, or is that CA?
I think you have some issues hon. I mean seriously, isn’t hate a bit strong…..
Glad I didn’t chose the orange and blue ball for Zach or all this vitriol could have come raining down on me and Zach.
Erin – I agree, there are some good things. But it’s Georgia-Florida week, so we’re going to overlook those good things for the time being.
And the public education system, I forgot about that in my list!
Ginny – I never developed that trait during my time in FLA, but then I wasn’t a native. It’s the inbreeding.
Arizaphale – http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ywKy3MxtXl8&feature=related
Bluestreak – I’m not sure how much I miss FLA, but like Kat Stratford, it’s a love hate. Except for the Gators, that’s a hate hate.
Angel – Sound’s like some pretty good reasons. I imagine that 62-3 spanking they put on you this weekend didn’t endear you to them either.
SSG – Most of your oranges come from Spain.
Dr. O’C – I have issues with the Gators. And I would have made you return the orange and blue ball.
FWIW, Disney is really a California franchise…although you could easily sub in USC for the Gators in your rhyme.
Agreed. Florida blows.
(And 10 Things I Hate About You is a total guilty pleasure for me. Although it’s not much of a pleasure anymore because it just makes me sad about Heath Ledger all over again.)
I think we’re going to have to start keeping track of the 10 things I hate about you references you make. I know this is at least the second (though I think the first was over in our blog)!
I’ve never been to FL, but I love key lime pie. Does that make me a bad person?
Aprils last blog post..One month to go
Damn. Tell me how you really feel.
Kat Stratford would have been pleased. Especially as I don’t imagine you typed your list, then ran out of the room in tears.
NATUIs last blog post..Thematic Photographic 2 – Happy
I hate jellyfish.
(I’m thinking I might leave that comment on every blog I read tonight, just for fun. Make them wonder.)
Nathan – pedant.
Courtney – does that mean you’re going to cheer for the Dawgs this weekend?
April – There’s been a few, huh? I may go and buy that movie today.
CMGD – Hate, hate, hate, the Gators.
NATUI – I did actually. It was very emotional.
Maggie – I totally think you should!
FL blows goats. I’ve always thought we as a nation should have a domestic policy towards FL called “saw saw push.” As in, saw it off and push it towards Cuba where it belongs.
Plus, I know the Tide can easily just beat UGA again in Atlanta in December.
It’s great to be a Florida Gator hater!
Gypsys last blog post..Who cares what I think?
Muskrat – I firmly agree with your first point and take strong objection to your second. Let’s just hope we get a chance to find out!
Gypsy – As a FSU fan, you’re exempted from Florida hating.
Florida freakin rocks ya’ll.
Good huntin and such
God bless ya