With apologies to William Shakespeare, Kat Stratford and poets everywhere:

  • I hate the way you cannot count and blame you for the last eight years.
  • I hate your endless strip malls. I hate your garish beachfront condos.
  • I hate your big flying roaches and all your violent crime.
  • I hate you so much it makes me sick — It even makes me rhyme.
  • I hate your overpriced theme parks. I hate your tourist traps.
  • I hate your phallic capital and its corrupt political denizens.
  • I hate your Disney franchise. And the money it will cost me as a Dad.
  • But mostly I hate your Florida Gators — Percy, Tebow, Meyer; I hate them most of all.


Wilco’s “Being There” is available from Against Me!.

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