Half a year in Oz
In my obsession last week with an impotent hatred of the State of Florida, I missed out on a couple of significant dates in my expatriate journey. As of last week, it’s been four years since we left the U.S. and six months since we arrived in Australia.
A lot of the expat bloggers who I read have written lately of the things that they miss from “home”, of the visceral homesickness that often strikes fast and dark like a midwestern thunderstorm. I’ve found that the longer I’m away the less I’m affected by that storm - the fewer the things that I miss from the States. Most of the day-to-day bits of life can be replicated abroad. The world is a pretty small and increasingly homogeneous place these days. If I want a Big Mac, I go and get a Big Mac. If I want to watch a bad American TV program, chances are that it, or an Australian replicate, is on Channel 7. There are a few things that are so much a part of me that I think I will always miss, but they are mostly trivial - things like comfort foods and secret places (most of them no longer existent in the form in which I remember them).
And my family. This yearning is getting worse rather than better. Australia is incredibly far away from anything else, moreso than I really understood before I got here. The sense of isolation is tangible here, even the distances between Adelaide and other cities in Australia is daunting. Britain always felt cozy and tight. If worse came to worse I could hop on a flight from Gatwick and be back on the East Coast of the States in six hours or so. The trip back to North America from Adelaide is a journey. Both Dr. O’C and I occasionally question our decision to move here, when we think about how far away family members are.
But it’s the decision we made and the die is cast so to speak. We are in Australia for the long haul. I wouldn’t say I’m never coming back to the States, never say never. But after four years away in two different countries it’s becoming clear to me, at the risk of being labeled one of the G.O.P’s “fake Americans”, that for me the American dream is increasingly more accessible from outside of America. I find it difficult to imagine living in the U.S. now, raising my son there. Right now, Australia is the Land of Opportunity for my family.
Which leads me to that second significant date - six months in Australia. I can not complain about how things have gone for us in a short time in Oz. Let me rephrase, I should not complain about the state of things in Oz. I’m not thrilled with our living situation and in self-pitying times, complain voluminously about it. But with a sane attitude, things have gone incredibly well for us Down Under. Both Dr. O’C and I are employed and making more money than either of us ever have. Despite having two jobs, I’m about to cut down to four days a week and have an extra day free with my son every week. I have a beautiful son and a beautiful partner, both of whom bring a smile to my face when I see them after a day at work. Boy Z is happy and healthy and loves to be outdoors in the balmy Australian sunshine (I’m told it gets a bit less friendly come January and February). We’re on the verge of buying the first new car that either of us have ever owned. A home of our own is not too far out of reach. We’re a short trip to either the beach or the country while living in a manageable urban area. We’ve made friends easily and reasonably quickly. Australia is offering me a life that is beyond my wildest dreams.
The homesickness - no that’s the wrong word, my home is here. My home is where I and Dr. O’C and Boy Z are on the day. The inborn tie of blood, the almost painful longing to be in the same room of my family - that is something that I just have to deal with on a daily basis, that I have to accept as a consequence of the lifestyle that is available to me here, one that I firmly believe would not be in Britain or America. Skype and e-mail and phone calls are great, but they always leave you hungry for more, sometimes even makes the longing worse. I guess this just gives us more motivation to save money for those long trips abroad.
I try and focus on the day at hand and to appreciate all the wonder and beauty that surrounds me. It’s springtime in Australia and even though actuarial tables would put me more at midsummer, I feel like it’s the springtime of my life.
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I’m very pleased for you that the move to Adelaide has been such a success. I’m sorry that your country of birth has changed so much in your absence. Come Tuesday maybe everything will be put right again. Or, left. Fingers crossed.
Trishs last blog post..You know who you are.
03 Nov 2008 at 11:51 am
In a way, I’m sad that Australia is becoming home. I suspect that I’d very much enjoy meeting you, but that is unlikely to happen with you way over there!
That old saying… “home is where the heart is”… seems to be somewhat on target. I think you’ve found a new home, which is good considering that you live there!
Laras last blog post..How to make me smile
03 Nov 2008 at 11:58 am
I know it is such a cliche to say how fast time flies, but is true for a reason. It really does feel like you just got there. We’re glad these six months have gone so well for you guys, and I’m glad you’ve got Timmins along with you.
NATUIs last blog post..My Only Political Post
03 Nov 2008 at 12:10 pm
Beautiful post AFM, if I may say. I, for one, am very happy that you all decided to move here. I also share your longing for family and (ohboyohboy) did I mention mine will be here soon?
arizaphales last blog post..161st …..
03 Nov 2008 at 12:31 pm
Home is what you make of it, and it sounds like you are making Oz a great home for you and the family. Kudos for that.
Have any of the 3 of you developed an Australian “twang” to your voices yet?
Joes last blog post..Useless Items v.1.0
03 Nov 2008 at 12:37 pm
Six months down and a lifetime to go???
I totally agree with everything you’ve said here…
You do eventually find replacements for things you liked in the U.S.– or at some point you just don’t care anymore about that stuff.
But the pure isolation of being in Australia I don’t think will ever get easier. It truly is too far for most anyone to come just to visit.
Florida Girl In Sydneys last blog post..Sculpture by the Sea 2008
03 Nov 2008 at 1:26 pm
I’m in California but as far as my relatives are concerned, it might as well be Australia. I miss family, especially when we need a babysitter or the kids have a birthday. Still, I think moving away from home and all that is common and familiar has made me grow in so many ways.
I have had family visit, it’s certainly a short flight in comparison to yours but they have lives and jobs too so it happens less than we’d like. I also have to contend with family that thinks all of our vacation time should be spent with them and a husband that wants to see the world, not just Wisconsin, with me.
I’m glad you and Dr. OC and Z boy are doing well there, you’re healthcare makes me envious and it’s fun to think I kind of ‘know’ some friends so far away.
Chriss last blog post..Does She Look A Little Green To You?
03 Nov 2008 at 1:36 pm
We are a bi-continental sort here and I will tell you that there are places and faces that are always lacking. After a decade of here or there, it is what it is.
At least we don’t have to make epic sea voyages.
heathers last blog post..Unicorns, fairies, badness, and REAL.
03 Nov 2008 at 2:31 pm
Trish - What happens on Tuesday will hopefully get us back on the right track.
Lara - Yep, and my heart is with Dr. O’C and Boy Z.
NATUI - I know, took me by surprise.
Ariza - Look forward to meeting yours!
Joe - One of us started with one and as Boy Z learns to speak it will most likely be with an Aussie accent.
FGIS - For the first few years abroad I always got Stove Top and Rice-a-Roni when I was back in the States. Doesn’t seem that important anymore.
Chris - The healthcare is a big one. Wouldn’t consider coming back until we get that sorted out.
I think any kind of distance is hard when you’re dealing with family and I’ve struggled with that vacation issue in the past as well!
03 Nov 2008 at 2:32 pm
Beautiful post Chris, but did you really have to say all that gushy family stuff? I’m heading overseas in a couple of months for an indefinite amount of time, and I’m busy trying to convince myself that it’s really not that far, and that emails and Skype will do me just fine, and there you are going on about how painful it is to be so far away from your family! Gees, way to make me feel better!
Seriously, wonderful post though. And just wait for summer to kick in…a couple more weeks I reckon, and the full summer heat will be upon us. It’s actually been a bit kinder this year, usually by now we’d be experiencing consecutive 35+ days but it seems to be taking pity on us for now. Won’t last though!
Agness last blog post..Beneath the lone star neon blue broken sign
03 Nov 2008 at 2:48 pm
i was born in asia, but am not asian.
i lived in California but am not Californian.
i spoke english but was never English.
my life was a series of countries that i have not been able to give to my kids. i regret it…
as expat (grown up) kid living in fully pat world, i’m jealous.
rock on free man for the rest of us…
ms picket to yous last blog post..Life Sneaks Into Boring
03 Nov 2008 at 3:16 pm
I MISS YOU GUYS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
SSGs last blog post..My boyfriend is a pirate and other blogs
03 Nov 2008 at 6:05 pm
Britain is definitely home to me now and I agree that the things you miss usually fade or are replaced with other, similar-enough things. But somehow, every year, autumn makes me incredibly nostalgic and starry-eyed for what I left behind and so I allow myself to indulge in a pity party/trip down memory lane. It helps me to not forget some of the few remaining positive things I enjoy about America.
I can imagine that the isolation of being on another hemisphere is a different thing entirely, a more palpable distance than what those of us expats in Europe have. I’m very glad that you’ve adjusted so well though, and in only six months! That’s very commendable.
noble savages last blog post..Car curse
03 Nov 2008 at 8:03 pm
you know, it doesn’t take 3,000 miles to separate people with an untraversable distance. sometimes it’s as little as 10. (cue tiny violin)
anyhoo, i’m remembering back to when you were first writing about oz and thinking about how far you’ve come in a short 6 months. but actually i think it says more about you and dr. o’c than it does your surroundings. you seem like you have your heads on straight and your hearts in the right places, which makes all the difference in the world when it comes to making a home.
technical question: if you vote absentee as an ex-pat, what state does your vote count in? the last one you resided in?
mjrcs last blog post..Between Today and Tomorrow
03 Nov 2008 at 11:01 pm
There are two people in my life who have moved abroad and aren’t likely to move back: my brother and one of my best friends. I miss them terribly, but they’re both so much happier where they are.
04 Nov 2008 at 2:28 am
Hey, no one ever said the American dream is only applicable to the people living on American soil. Glad you’re spreading truth, justice and the American way Down Under.
04 Nov 2008 at 2:41 am
Like another poster said, California might as well be another country as far as it seems from family and all things familiar. I get through by knowing that Berkeley, for us, is only temporary. It’s not that I don’t like it here, I just miss the family and friends back home. The thing is after this, we don’t know what’s next. I hope we’ll make it back to the mid-west somewhere, but there’s a definite chance we won’t, we may even go abroad. The likely we’ll ever be close (ie less than 30 miles) from family is slim to nil because of our jobs and where our families live. I’m actually surprised how homesick I get considering I spent most of my time very far from most of my family growing up (ahh, split custody, so much fun for kids).
Aprils last blog post..Family Heirlooms and Helga’s Dowry
04 Nov 2008 at 2:50 am
ah yes… australia… why would you live anywhere else
nursemyras last blog post..eat your greens
04 Nov 2008 at 5:24 am
You nailed this one Chris. Home is where you, Sinead and Zach are. We moved around a lot when you guys were young - some places nice some not. But where we were at the moment was home. Because nothing is more important than immediate family, and home is where that family is.You’ve figured that one out - congrats.
04 Nov 2008 at 7:03 am
Heather - Isn’t bicontinentality illegal in some states?
Agnes - Sorry to rain on your parade, but it’s not easy. Where are you headed? Blighty? Enjoy the time anyway!
Ms Picket - I think in a lot of ways expat is a state of mind, you’ve had the experience and you’ll pass that on in little ways to your kids and they’ll appreciate the big wide world that’s out there for them to explore.
SSG - Ditto.
Noble - I have the same periods of longing. They usually come around Thanksgiving and Christmas time. I am NOT looking forward to Christmas Down Under. Not even a bit. I’m hoping to ignore it entirely.
MJRC - To answer your last question, I vote in Florida as my parents live there and I have a driver’s license and bank account there.
Gypsy - It’s addictive. Once you’re gone, it’s incredibly hard to come back. When I come back to the states now, I feel more of a foreigner than I do here.
Courtney - I’m spreading something anyway, evil one.
April - Y’all should try it overseas for a while - Britain’s the easiest transition because you’re still close and there’s lots of work. Or there was before the economy tanked there.
Nurse Myra - So far, I agree. Though I would like some emissions standards for cars and fewer cars and better public transit. And paid maternity leave. And…
Dad - Yeah, I think I got that attitude from you guys - the original expatriates.
04 Nov 2008 at 7:44 am
I can’t believe it’s been six months.
“The homesickness - no that’s the wrong word, my home is here. My home is where I and Dr. O’C and Boy Z are on the day.”
I think this can happen even when you live mere miles from the family you grew up with. It’s about the way your definition of family changes as you age, and that first moment as a parent where you begin to see that YOU are it now, you and the people inside your home. I don’t mean to say that the rest of it isn’t crucial, because it is - but never again as crucial as the people under your own roof. It’s a bewildering feeling.
Brilliant post, and beautifully done.
maggie, dammits last blog post..Domestic Violence blog update; final contenders announced - please vote!
04 Nov 2008 at 9:26 am
this is so beautiful, hopeful even
flutters last blog post..In love
04 Nov 2008 at 9:48 am
I’ve lived in Georgia now for 14 years (18 if you count my four years as an undergrad) and it wasn’t until the 10-year mark that I felt Georgian rather than West Virginian. I would still read the Charleston Daily Mail every morning. I would catch up on hillbilly news and politics and would visit my home state four or five times a year.
Now? I haven’t seen my birthplace in almost three years. I have no idea what’s going on there. I don’t speak with anyone from there. And? I’m OK with that. Granted, I have only a five-hundred mile distance as opposed to your ten-thousand. But, I get it. I get what you’re saying.
Coal Miner’s Granddaughters last blog post..Costume Designer Extraordinaire
04 Nov 2008 at 11:57 am
Great post! I give you a lot of credit for coming to ‘this point’ after only 6 months. I envy your approach to the homesickness issue. It has always been an issue for me, and I’ve been here over 5 years! Like you, home is where my heart is. My heart is with my Australian husband and our life is here right now. But my heart is still torn in many ways every single day.
The first six months I lived here was like an adventure. I loved learning about a new culture, experiencing new things, etc. After awhile, after I started working, etc, reality set in. There are many ways that Aus is similar to the US, but in the ways that it is different, it is SO different. I miss so many things. But like you, most importantly, I miss my family and friends. It is very isolating here in Australia. I’ve yet to have any friends or family visit me here. So I spend all of my annual leave and thousands of dollars each year traveling back and forth to the US.
I’m honest when I say I do prefer the US to Australia. There are many great things about living in Aus and I’m very thankful for the life I have and the opportunities afforded to me. But as cliche as it sounds, there is no place like ‘home’ (my real home). Although I love the life my husband and I share here, I look forward to the day our life and home are stateside.
I really enjoy other expat blogs on this topic. I love hearing expat stories from a different point of view. Keep blogging, its great!
Erins last blog post..Sick Day
04 Nov 2008 at 12:47 pm
Maggie - Thanks, and you’re right distance is irrelevant. If it’s more than 10 feet it may as well be 10000 miles.
Flutter - Thanks. I like hope.
CMGD - Some places are easier to leave behind.
Erin - Thanks, the adventure period of being an expat for me was in Britain. Now I just want to make a home.
06 Nov 2008 at 1:16 pm
Great post. I really sympathize with the talking to family leaving you wanting more. I really struggle with staying connected to my family because sometimes it´s easier on me and on my homesickness to disconnect totally, but in the long run it´s harder on me. Man, Australia´s sounding pretty good.
Bluestreaks last blog post..Warning
15 Nov 2008 at 9:54 am
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