Deep South ‘Smack’ Talk: The Southern Gentlemen Edition
I doubt that anyone who knows anything about college football would have predicted that this years manifestation of The Deep South’s Oldest Rivalry would be relegated to an early start on regional television. When Georgia and Auburn square up in mid-November, as they have for virtually every year since 1898, it’s typically a clash of titans. It often has implications for the SEC Championship and even the National Championship.
This year, it is a speed bump in the college football season. But it’s still the Deep South’s Oldest Rivalry. It’s still a game full of tradition and pride. And it’s still a game that Georgia needs to win.
I’ve got a very special guest poster for you guys today. Ladies and Gentlemen, the man with the loosest hips east of the Mississippi, the pompadour that makes the ladies swoon, the King of the Alabama plains - Auburn Elvis!
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As rivalries go, I think the Deep South’s Oldest is also one of the most congenial. Both teams have a similar “feel” to their history. Georgia has Dooley, Hershel, and Uga, while we have Dye, Bo, and War Eagle. There’s a mutual respect for each that makes rival fans easier to get along with the rest of the year. So, most smack talk between the two is more akin to rowdy brothers than angry next-door neighbors.
Rest assured, my lack of in-your-face chest thumping is a reflection of the good southern manners practiced here on the plains and has nothing to do with our embarrassing performances on the field this season. But this is the time for “smack talk”, so I’ll offer what I hope will happen along with a prediction of what I expect to happen.
I HOPE Auburn’s lines will stage a reenactment of the “funeral game”, pushing the Dawgs around like a 9-year-old school girl. I EXPECT we’ll look really good between the 30’s but be attempting a lot of field goals after breaking down in the red zone.
I HOPE Auburn will pitch a tent in Georgia’s backfield, forcing Stafford to throw early and often. I EXPECT Moreno to break a few long runs off some shoddy Auburn arm-tackles.
I HOPE Auburn will manage the late-game clock with Swiss-like precision. I EXPECT our fourth quarter options to be determined more by Georgia’s ability to move the ball than our own.
I HOPE Auburn wins the game, and gains newfound energy and hunger going into the all-important Iron Bowl. I EXPECT Auburn to falter quite a bit, only staying in the game by virtue of some sloppy Georgia play.
Of late, wins in this series have come in pairs. And with Georgia winning the previous two, I have to stay with tradition and pick the Tigers… by four (which, given Auburn’s offense, is a likely score of 6 to 2).
Thankyouverymuch and War Eagle baby!
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And in response, your underwhelming narrator:
These smack talk posts get harder every week. After the dismantling in Jacksonville and a last second win in Louisville (or Lexington?), it is hard to drum up the hubris required to verbally cudgel your opponent. At the bottom of everything, I think that this games is a matchup between a good team playing badly and bad team playing badly. In theory the former should win. Woo hoo, Go Dawgs!
How’s that? Not really as “smacky” as you’ve come to expect here at A Free Man? I’m trying to veer away from the hubris, as that hasn’t worked particularly well this year. In addition, I actually like Auburn. As The King noted, we’re similar schools, similar programs and there just isn’t a lot of animosity. They have a horrible choice of team colors and one of the most mystifying cheers in the country (War Eagle? Huh?), but Auburn folks, unlike some others in the SEC (I’m talking to you Gators, Vols and Cocks) are a pretty decent lot. Hell, I even like old Tubby, the Auburn coach. He’s a classy guy, a gentleman among Spurriers and Meyers.
But mostly, I’m really nervous about this game. The Tigers have an absolutely wretched offense, 105th in scoring offense among the 119 teams. Unfortunately, the sure cure for a bad offense is a date with the Georgia Bulldogs defense. I’m worried that the team is coming apart at the seams, I’m worried that we’re going to head down to the plains and get smacked around. The Tigers are playing for their post-season - if they don’t beat us (or ‘Bama) they will be home in December and January for the first time since 1999. Georgia hasn’t won three in a row in this series since 1980-82. After the mistake laden performance in wherever the hell the University of Kentucky plays I have a horrible niggling feeling in my extremities that we are ripe to be the victim of an upset.
I do think we’ll win but as much as I’d like to see a repeat of the beat down we gave them in Athens last year, I have a bad feeling that this will be a close and fairly pitiful affair.
I have completely failed to bring the smack, so I’ll leave it up to the boys to bring it. We need to go over to Auburn and put a stomping on the Plainsmen. I’d like to see this…
…but fear that the team just isn’t in that place this year.
Nonetheless, we’ve got a game to win. Let’s just do it.
Go Dawgs! Sic ‘em!
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Georgia at Auburn kicks off at 12:30 Eastern (4:00 a.m. Adelaide) on Raycom. It’s available online and even though I don’t have the chops to talk smack, I’ll be up early watching. That’s what real fans do.
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The Broken Family Band used to be the best alt-country act in the British Isles. They’re still around but less country these days than alt. Check out A Free Man’s interview with the band’s frontman Steven Adams. If you like what you hear, support blogger friendly artists by buying Broken Family Band records here.
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I’m torn on this one. I want to root for the Dawgs for you. But my best friend/separated-at-birth brother Ian is a War Eagle alum. Hmmmmm. There isn’t a WVU game until Nov 22. Dang. So, GO NAVY! BEAT NOTRE DAME!! Woo hoo!
I always go with the safe choice.
Coal Miner’s Granddaughters last blog post..Anxiety
14 Nov 2008 at 11:55 am
Lexington.
You’re right. This was way too civil.
mickeys last blog post..Canis lupus needs your help
14 Nov 2008 at 12:54 pm
I’m going to tell you this one more time, and then I’m going to make plans to kick your butt the next time you’re stateside… it’s LEXINGTON.
I might be little, but I’m not too worried about not being able to accomplish the task, either, considering the local fowl have you running scared.
14 Nov 2008 at 8:13 pm
[…] are given the opportunity to pontificate about their team’s superiority. So, I put together my 4 hopes for tomorrows game and sent them halfway ’round the […]
15 Nov 2008 at 2:36 am
I’ve never understood the War Eagle thing. Isn’t Auburn’s mascot the Tigers? What do eagles have to do with that?
This is far too congenial. I’ll have to bring back the pain in a couple weeks with my Tech/UGA guest post.
15 Nov 2008 at 2:55 am
To smack or not to smack - that is NOT the question. When to smack - now there is the rub. It seems to me that the more you trash talk, the worse the Dawgs get stomped (Gators!!!). Now you have a team that has scored as many points this entire year as the Dawgs average and you are laying down - what’s the deal? Ypu need to smack while the iron is hot.
Maybe you need to take this new found free time and study up on Smack Talk 101 and forget about that MBA.
15 Nov 2008 at 3:27 am
I feel responsible for the lack of smack. But I stand by it. There just isn’t that much distaste between Auburn & Georgia. Although, if pressed, I’ll admit how glad I am that y’all won’t be wearing those black jerseys for a while (if ever again).
Auburn Elviss last blog post..Auburn Ready for Move Down to Div1AA
15 Nov 2008 at 4:30 am
CMGD - WVU already beat Auburn didn’t they? So you mas as well and cheer for the better team, i.e. Georgia.
Mickey - I’m saving up the smack for your special lady friend in a couple of weeks.
Angel - Bring it.
Courtney - Not a frickin’ clue. I don’t think the Aubies are particularly, um, bright. Maybe they struggle with their taxonomy. Tiger - eagle, whatever.
Dad - Lot of criticism from the peanut gallery today. Just trying to be a bit genteel, you know. Deep South’s Oldest Rivalry and all. Also, I have a bad feeling that we’re in for an upset and I don’t want to have to eat too much crow - see two weeks ago.
Elvis - Yeah, I don’t think we’ll see those for a while. I quite liked them.
For those of you disappointed by a lack of vitriol, try this:
http://www.bamadog.com/jokes_au.htm
or these:
What’s the difference between an 2 awbs in a pickup and a Hoover vacuum cleaner?
The Hoover has only 1 dirt bag inside!
What do you call an awbie with half a brain?
Gifted.
What do you call 10 awbs standing ear to ear?
A Wind Tunnel.
What do you do if an awb throws you a grenade?
Pull the pin and throw it back.
What’s the difference between an awb and a bag of manure?
The bag.
Or, sticking with the Elvis theme:
A guy bought a new Mercedes, drove off the lot, turned on the radio and nothing happened. Mad, he turned the car around, went back to the dealer and said, “When I buy a $50,000 dollar car I expect the radio to work.” The dealer explained to him that the radio had been programmed to his voice and all he had to do was tell the radio what he wanted to hear. Pretty neat stuff.
He got back into the car and said “Country music,” and old Willie started singing. “Rock and roll,” he exclaimed, and immediately Elvis started crooning. “Easy listening,” he remarked, and all at once it sounded like he was in an elevator. He was relaxed, driving down the road listening to smooth sounds when a pickup truck with two good ole boys almost ran him off the road. “Stupid rednecks!” he screamed, and the radio immediately blurted out, “Touchdooooooooown auuuuubuuuuuurnnnnn!!!!”
15 Nov 2008 at 10:42 am
Auburn blows goats. Go DAWGS!
muskrats last blog post..long distance dedication (aka “interview with the muskrat”)
15 Nov 2008 at 1:14 pm
tee, hee. I am a Wisconsin Badger.
heathers last blog post..PUBLISHED
15 Nov 2008 at 3:20 pm
congrats (barely)! y’all were supposed to cover the spread, dammit.
muskrats last blog post..long distance dedication (aka “interview with the muskrat”)
16 Nov 2008 at 6:16 am
[…] you see, peanut gallery, why I was hesitant to get all braggity about the Auburn game? Yes, a win’s a win, but for the second week in a row we’ve […]
16 Nov 2008 at 8:24 am
Muskrat - Thanks for your support. It’s all up to Bama to keep the Awbs home in December.
Heather - Now that is funny.
Muskrat - I’m pretty sure I told you last week not to pick the Dawgs to beat the spread for the rest of the season.
17 Nov 2008 at 6:54 am
You have won an award. Come on over to receive.
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18 Nov 2008 at 6:36 am