OK, three important Christmas contest things:

1. Dr. O’C spent the weekend wading through limericks and has come up with a winner. Now I want to point out that the limericks were given to her without names attached, so there was no favoritism involved. I say this because the results are slightly dodgy. The winning Anti-Christmas Movement Limerick is:

You’ll find him hiding away
From all events of Christmas Day
A Free Man will go
“There is just no snow
And sand doesn’t work with a sleigh.”

Well, there’s no accounting for taste. That little diddy was penned by the Strange Scottish Girl who, suspiciously, has already won a contest this Christmas season. I looked hard for indications of bribery, coercion or other fraudulent behavior but it looks above board to me. So, congrats to the Strange Scottish Girl.

2. Good news for those of you who aren’t strange, Scottish or female – there are still lots of chances for you to win some musical prizes this month. Just a reminder about the Tagline Contest, the winner of which will receive a Santa’s bag sized delivery of hot new CDs. Leave your choice for a new tagline for this site as a comment on this post.

3. To help clear my site from accusations of favoritism, I need your help to find another limerick writing winner. I’ve picked my five favorite limericks from those remaining:

First we have The Noble Savage’s ode to pervy relatives…

Uncle Bob hung the mistletoe with care
Over my bed when he knew I’d be there
The lecherous man
I chopped off his hands
And now he’s only able to stare.

Heather from The Ghost of a Smile weaves a tangled web of booze and deception…

So you bought the kids some more junk
And now you’re gonna get drunk
Try not to fall down
While Gramma’s around
Or your Christmas secret is sunk.

Oxford Old Boy Runs Deep shows us what one can do with an Oxbridge education…

The once was a free expat Yank
Who reckoned that Chrimbo was wank
Consumerist heathen!
Nowt under your tree then!
Just be glad there’s more in yer bank.

Formerly Fun’s Chris tells my own story better than I could…

There once was a lass named Sinead
Who moved with her man to Adelaide
They bought them a car
But their Z barfed up hard
Now they silently pine for a sleigh.

And finally, Arizaphale paints a pretty picture of Xmas Down Under…

Christmas in Adelaide sucks
The retailers inhale your bucks
And you might as well know
That it’s too hot for snow
And the ‘chests’ that are roasting ain’t ‘nuts’!

Now let’s clean up contests here at A Free Man. I’m calling for the democratic process to be reinstated. Vote for your favorite below and the author of the limerick with the most votes as of Monday next (the 22nd) wins the other half of the Fanatic schwag.

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