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A Free Family’s vacation continues and so do the guest posts. Today, I’ve got the pleasure of welcoming Mickey from The Prettiest Denny’s Waitress aboard. Mickey’s got the uncanny knack of making my laugh my ass off on a regular basis, so I couldn’t think of anyone I’d rather have captain the ship for a day. Without further ado, here’s Mickey…
I hope A Free Man is out there earning his moniker right now, gallivanting barefoot on those white sands he was telling us all about, frolicking in the surf and enjoying the waning days of the southern summer. Watch out for the sharks, dude. They bite.
I was thinking about some of my childhood family vacations, random scenes bouncing around in my head. My memories of them are just that, individual scenes I recall out of context, flashes of fun that I have to concentrate on to recall which particular trip they were a part of. In doing so, I’ve quickly come to the conclusion that my kids (should I ever have any) are never going to Disney World. I went to Orlando and its surrounding attractions when I was five or six years old, and, for the same reasons kids frequently enjoy the cardboard boxes more than the toys that came in them, I think that kind of thing is lost on a kid. Or at least it was lost on me.
Here’s why: River Country. Yeah, I thought Space Mountain and Big Thunder Mountain Railroad were a blast and I recall the thrill of the water slides at nearby Wet ‘n’ Wild water park, but far and away the most fun I ever had in Florida (and that counts several trips to that armpit of a state as an adult), was at Disney’s River Country, a collection of rope ladders and tire swings in a natural-water lagoon. In other words, amidst all the high-tech put-on splendor of the Magic Kingdom, the most fun I had was in their approximation of a redneck backwoods swimmin’ hole. (It has since closed, in part due to laws against water parks in natural bodies of water, but also because of the high-tech put-on splendor of Disney’s other, newer water attractions.)
That theme of enjoying the low-brow and inexpensive continued in my life. A family reunion in upstate New York saw us kids spending the whole day trying to avoid getting impaled on the six-inch valve stems of old inner tubes while we splashed euphorically in a muddy little pond. Absolute heaven. I barely remember the nearby kitsch of Niagara Falls.
But why go all the way to Florida or New York? Outside of those two trips, we really didn’t travel far when I was a kid, and it’s a good thing. One of the best times I ever had as a kid was in my own backyard. For reasons now forgotten there was a pile of railroad ties in our yard. There never was, before or after, any landscaping in the yard utilizing railroad ties. Regardless of their intended purpose, my brother and I did what all kids eventually do with anything not tied down: we built a fort. Putting it up like giant Lincoln logs, we had a sturdy fort you could get inside of or on top of, held together by nothing but gravity and faith, and a child’s faith is no small thing. A stack of rough, splintery wood kept us perfectly happy for several days of summer vacation without even having to leave the yard.
Shoot, the most memorable part of a week-long summer camp was flinging lumps of wet clay at each other at a clay pit on the banks of the Chester River in Maryland. That still sounds like fun to me. I guess I’m just a dirtbag at my core.
To this day I cast a wary eye toward any diversion that costs a lot of money. It’s not that I haven’t had good times spending far too much money in a bar or enjoyed the hell out of an overpriced concert, but even as an adult most of my fond memories have more to do with the company than the extravagance of the event. That’s why I’ll trade a noisy bar for a bunch of friends around a campfire with a cooler full of beer any day.
And that’s why my kids are never going to Disney World. Besides, they won’t know the difference if I instead take them to that spot far back in the woods in Tennessee with the big ol’ tree with a rope swing hanging out over deep, still water. If they ask, I’ll just tell them the water moccasins are animatronic.
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I love this post, love it!
flutters last blog post..I am kind of a dick.
I would tend to agree with you about the rope swing, but the 13-year old daughter is more interested in having me take her to Chicago and shop for MAC makeup.
I honestly don’t know where I went wrong.
Prefers Her Fantasy Lifes last blog post..My Goodness, My Guinness (Toast)
I hope it works. We have been to many REAL castles, but, the girl still wants the mouse.
heathers last blog post..Murder in Sweden
I agree for the most part – although I think there are ages where kids can truly appreciate Disney World.
That fort is pretty cool, though. You and your brother moved those heavy railroad ties all by yourselves?
I hate Disney World. You’d have to pay me and get me very drunk to convince me to take my kids there. Patronising park employees dressed as animals, long lines, people hopped up on fake joy, sugar and cancerous rays? No thanks. I’m all about a hike in the woods and then a trip to a library or museum. That’ll do me.
Noble Savages last blog post..The rags I read
Fantastic! Totally agree. I remember fondly the great times my sisters and I had playing with a whole heap of baby clothes that were dropped off by friends when my mum was pregnant with my brother. We dressed our dolls and teddies and laid extra outfits out on the floor. Barmy! But so fun.
Making a shop with our cousins one summer was also fantastic, as was making up dances in the park, selling homemade stationery to passing neighbours (in the end my dad bought it all) and playing statues, freezing with gruesome facial expressions as people drove by. Fun times.
Great site!
Olivers last blog post..Preview: SXSW 09!
Those water moccasins? They’re NOT? Oh crap!
mongoliangirls last blog post..My cognitive dissonance is driving me insane
Great post. We all make our own fun, using what we’ve got, I suppose. We don’t need no stinking mouse ears.
Oh, and I hate to break this to you, but should we ever have kids, you know my mom will drag their asses down to Disney at least once. I’m okay with once, just for the experience, but not every year or anything. There’s only so much Goofy I can take.
courtneys last blog post..My Life Is Like A Game Of Roulette
Man, this could have used a bit more editing. I’m all over the place.
And just so you know, that photo is something AFM found to fit the story, although if you take that top half of the structure off, you’ve got a pretty good idea.
mickeys last blog post..And I got my tax refund today! Real money!
I’m on your side, vacation-wise. Everyday-wise, too. I feel like the more you try to do stuff, the less you’ll actually accomplish.
People don’t like vacationing with me.
rassless last blog post..No titel.
If we ever have kids, J and I have agreed to insist that Disney World does not exist. Maybe if we all form a group and put up a united front it’ll be easier. Your kind of fun is the same as mine.
Allies last blog post..Great Gaiam Giveaway Over at Allie’s Answers
AMEN. Almost every Disney attraction had a better real-life version. Jungle Cruise: the Des Moines River in April. Swiss Family Robinson Treehouse: Any actual tree. Haunted Mansion: my church belltower. Spaceship Earth: Spencer’s Gifts.
Great post!
I agree entirely with the Disney thing. The main memories I have from every amusement park I’ve ever visited is the smell of stale vomit and being uncomfortably hot. I’ll drag my feet and fight the Disney thing as long as I can with Kim, but she thinks it’s something that has to be done once. I’ll eventually cave, but it better be when my little turd is old enough to remember every minute of it.
As for the rest, I’m not so sure I would write off the value of being well-traveled. I think a lot of my curiosity about geography, current events, history and science came from the fact that my mom pushed my family to travel when I was growing up. By the time I was 18, I’d become familiar with a large city (Atlanta), seen the Mississippi River (in St. Louis), slept in every state on the East Coast except Connecticut, Rhode Island, and Delaware, and even visited a foreign country where English wasn’t the first language (Montreal).
It’s good to get kids, especially kids growing up in the homogeneous boonies like my hometown, to get out and see that there’s more to the world than the small piece they spend most of their time in. It’s really a shame how many of my students have never even been to a population center large enough to qualify as a city.
I do agree with the not having to spend a lot of money to create a good time or good memories, though. Most of my childhood memories involve a hodgepodge of toys and a wooden ferry with cars my dad made me that I turned into a fort and spent hours creating elaborate war games complete with a soap opera plot.
Jacobs last blog post..Prometheus Can Suck It
I too, think throwing mud at my friends sounds awesome. We need to make this happen.
Chriss last blog post..cook it up
Sorry but I actually own a pair of mouse ears (furry…with Minnie mouse bow) although they did come from Tokyo Disney so does that count? Anyhoo, unlike Mickey I was totally impressed by stuff as a kid. We visited Disney Land in ‘68 and I relived that one day in my fantasy life for years. I was also impressed by Niagara Falls at 12 and blown away (fortunately not literally) by ‘Old Faithful’ at Yellowstone. Oddly, I was underwhelmed by The Grand Canyon. Perhaps we stopped at one too many lookouts. BUT the general background blur of childhood happiness is definitely made up of forts, mud and campfires.
Great post.
arizaphales last blog post..Sigh
I totally agree about the cardboard box but I still want to go to Disney as an adult. This is quite possibly because my family went when I was too young to remember and so I feel left out. All my friends have these fantastic childhood memories and I don’t.
Did I mention I’m a consumer whore?
Disney blows. I was trying to enforce a Disney boycott on my kid, but the shit keeps slipping in. And Mickey, with the benefit of first-hand experience, I can guaran-damn-tee you that your kids will be going to Disney whether you like it or not. These firmly-held beliefs begin to fall away without you realizing it’s even happening.
Great post, thanks for standing in!
I completely identify with this post. As a child my brothers and I would go sleding down a dirt hill with trash can lids, for crying out loud. Oh and “vacations”? Hello camping. Good times.
bluestreaks last blog post..Half-assery/sorry Rasslery and an update on the job front