I decided not to quit.
Yet.
I’m writing this at work (screw ‘em), and there are still a couple of hours before I leave for the day, so things could change yet. Basically if the upper management leave me alone today – let me listen to Coltrane and get on with my work - I’ll make it through another day.
If a single one of them comes down stairs and says a word to me, I’ll probably walk out.
I figured out how much money I make a minute (50 cents) and I’m tallying it as I go through the day. Ninety minutes and I can buy Season 1 of ‘Gossip Girl’ on DVD – Dr.O’C’s addicted, certainly not a butch guy like me.
I want to thank you all for your well reasoned comments on yesterday’s post. I find it amazing that people who (for the most part) have never met me are willing to take the time to read and give me thoughtful advice. All of it was helpful and gave me food for thought. I suck at making decisions – and still haven’t made one – but thank you all for your help with my continued indecision.
In short, you guys are awesome.
Among all the outstanding advice, two statements really hit home for me yesterday. The first, from Damon, nearly tipped me over the edge in favor of walking in today and telling them exactly where to put their job:
My point? Don’t compromise your integrity for a job or for a few extra dollars especially when you know that NO one has your back and will put the blame on you in a heartbeat. It only takes a fraction of a second to cross the line.
But the second, from Andrea (showing remarkable insight for a Canadian), slowed me down:
I think if you up and quit now you’ll experience immediate satisfaction and happiness, which will shortly be followed by guilt, stress, angst, what-have-you. Not worth it for you and definitely not worth it for the family.
I had been building myself up for the excitement and relief of giving my notice, of the feeling of liberation that I knew would follow. But I think Andrea’s right, I think that would pass – everything does – and I don’t know what would have replaced the elation.
And it’s best not to push a pregnant woman.
I am setting some boundaries. If I’m asked to lie again, I’ll refuse. I’m reducing my hours – we really do not need the money – so I can invest some more time in the university. I’m going to try to find out if there’s a way to extend my contract there. As a lot of you pointed out, in a pinch research would be better than my current soul-sucking job. I’m going to put every cent that I earn here into savings, so when it does all come to a head – which it will – we’ll have that much more of a nest egg.
I don’t know how much longer I’ll last, but I made it through the day. And that’s all I’ve got to do today.
Look at that, it’s the end of the day. And the beginning of the weekend. A bus ride home and this…
Thanks again, y’all rock! Have a great weekend.
————————-
I’m in a jazzy mood this week. John Coltrane’s “Giant Steps” is just a masterpiece. Buy it now from 
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by Dr O'C
01 May 2009 at 22:01
I personally think it was my threat to write a counterpost called “waaaa waaaa waaaa!” that made the decision for AFM.
No offense to all the commenter’s who told AFM to quit his job but seriously step out of your dream land and realise that we are in the middle of a global recession where unemployment is rising daily. Australia has been relatively sheltered from this so far (compared to the US and UK) but that is only because we are still living on borrowed time with commodity orders that were placed before the recession hit. In December we will have two kids and it is entirely likely that we will have no income. I will be pretty unimpressed if I am forced to go back to work because AFM doesn’t have a job. Is that selfish of me, to ask him to stay at a job he doesn’t like just so I can stay home longer with a newborn, maybe, but it is a selfishness that I can deal with.
I should probably sign off before I say something even stronger that AFM will ultimately censor just so I don’t offend his readers.
by Jacob
01 May 2009 at 23:02
You’re lucky. From what I can tell of your photos, Boy Z looks more like you. You can’t even tell that my kid has any of my genes. It’s like he just rose out of the gene pool of my wife’s family.
And I would make a joke here about you making the wrong decision or about stay-at-home moms, but I’m now afraid at Dr. O’C will buy a plane ticket to the US and then drive four hours from the airport to the town where I live, pick up a phone book, find my address, break into my house, steal my shotgun, and shoot me in the face.
Just to make sure that paragraph isn’t construed incorrectly, I actually recommended that you stay with the crappy job in the previous thread and I have nothing against stay-at-home mothers. My mom stayed home for three years when I was little and my wife and I planned our son to arrive right before the start of summer break so we’d have two and a half months at home with him, but we couldn’t afford for her to stay home in the fall. How we nailed that time goal is beyond me. He was born literally the last week of school.
Jacobs last blog post..I Also Hate the Flu
by A Free Man
01 May 2009 at 23:31
Dr. O’C – Be nice to my readers! And half of them agreed with you, and the other half were right. I still think I should have quit. And the more I think about it, the more likely that I will.
Don’t worry, guys, I’ll give her a stern talking to later on.
Jacob – If you’re implying that she’s a stay-at-home Mom, I may not be able to restrain her. Actually, if I quit job #2, she would be making more money than me. Again.
Re-reading her comment, however, I see how you could make the mistake. She’s talking about going back to work early after maternity leave. She wants six months.
by SSG
01 May 2009 at 23:54
What about if you look for a new job whilst still working? Then you can move roles when you find a better one, without the worrying that goes with handing in the notice and not having a job at Christmas? A bit of a compromise?
AFM is persuasive but Dr O’C is scary. I wouldn’t mess with a pregnant lady.
Oh, and Ariza has a photo of weeZ to hook in her readers. Can I use one too?
by tysdaddy
01 May 2009 at 23:58
I think you made the right decision, for now. You’re obviously educated, articulate, embarrasingly intelligent, but I share with you a bit of an impulsive streak. Hang in there, but don’t let the bastards grind you down . . .
tysdaddys last blog post..Rudder
by Southern (in)Sanity
02 May 2009 at 00:20
While I certainly understand the concerns that Dr O’C has regarding your family, I still stand by my original comment.
I was in a somewhat similar situation about eight years ago. After several months, I decided it wasn’t worth it anymore. I knew I worked hard, I did honest work, and they were asking me to cut corners and produce dishonest results.
I couldn’t do it anymore. On a December morning, I walked in to the office, sat down with my boss and said, “That’s it. I can’t do it anymore.” I gave my two weeks’ notice.
Funny thing was, he KNEW that I had been asked to do, and I think he understood. While I told me how hard I worked and how much he appreciated me, not once did he ask me to re-consider. He and I still talk regularly even though both of us have moved on to different jobs.
The difference is that I was single. The only person I was affecting by not having a job was myself. I imagine if I had a family, the result likely would not have been the same.
I’ll stop now.
Since you’re not quitting, cut back your hours and listen to Coltrane. Hang in there.
by mongoliangirl
02 May 2009 at 00:56
I will feel it if you are too stern with Dr. OC and I will.not.like.it.
mongoliangirls last blog post..Blogging Improves Craigslist! (Actually, some kind of comparative essay about different kinds of shit. Like, figurative and literal shit. Kind of. OK, not really.)
by Here In Franklin
02 May 2009 at 01:12
Even the worst jobs look better on Friday. I can hear my boss down the hall and sense a prickly mood. But, because it’s Friday, I say so what.
Here In Franklins last blog post..Europe, Home Depot…Europe, Home Depot
by courtney
02 May 2009 at 01:42
Maybe venting all your pent-up aggression toward your job made you feel better. I’ve been in that situation before — I walk in one day, fully intending to quit if even one person pissed me off, then I vent about it to someone and my rage simmers a bit. Reminding yourself that your work does not own you goes a long way.
Maybe Dr. O’C should march into your office and tell your bosses what’s what. I bet she can scare them into treating you nicer.
courtneys last blog post..Pay It Forward
by rassles
02 May 2009 at 01:43
I’ve quit jobs on snap decisions. I’ve yelled at my boss, walked out of a serving job during Sunday morning rush…
So I understand quitting on the fly, although those jobs were basically customer service, waiting tables, grooming dogs. Jobs, but not “real” jobs.
But I only have me. I don’t think I would have been able to quit a job that made me unhappy when there were other people that relied on my work.
So staying is the right choice. It really is.
rassless last blog post..P4C7
by Theresa B
02 May 2009 at 01:52
Well, there’s the right decision and then there’s the other right decision. Yes, the job may make you miserable while you’re awake, but Dr. O’C could get you while you’re sleeping, so you’ve obviously made the best choice.
(Warning: this comment was meant to be funny. Ever since I made a facetious comment on Jacob’s blog and someone took the time to carefully explain that what I was responding to was not serious, I’m a little paranoid.)
Theresa Bs last blog post..Saved!
by chris
02 May 2009 at 02:51
Sound choice and you are so right on about saving every cent you can. Even though hubs has a good job now, we are doing our best to spend as conservatively as we had when he was out of work. For us it’s all about options, if you have a little more savings you have more and easier choices. At the end of the day, I think you are both very intelligent and resourceful and even if you left, you could figure it out and you’d be fine. Still, especially in times like these(baby and economy) it is best to play it safe and be as strategic as possible. Good luck to you both and Dr. OC hand out those Ata Boys(and maybe some nookie) liberally to show that you appreciate his sacrifice, sure works in my house.
chriss last blog post..Girl, You’ll Be a Woman Soon(Enough)
by Jamie
02 May 2009 at 02:57
I didn’t respond to the last post, as I hate making decisions (hence grad school – the decision postponer extraordinaire) and don’t really want to influence anyone else’s life choices either – but I think Dr. O’C is right on this one. Find another job (or shore up the Uni job) and then quit. Until then just steal lots of office supplies (I heard a Socialist Worker’s Party guy claim this would help bring down the capitalist system in America). Or you could pull a Kevin Spacey in American Beauty and claim the CEO sexually harassed you. Or beat the crap out of you as in Fight Club. Lots of options.
by Nathan B.
02 May 2009 at 03:56
You have chosen wisely. Quitting without a real plan is not going to make you feel any better IMO. Have you tried freelance writing as an alternative?
by April
02 May 2009 at 07:40
I was going to suggest the find a new job and then quit scenario on your last post, but the baby started crying or some such nonsense and I didn’t get around to it. I’ve been in Baby Z’s position. My step-father had a habit of spontaneously quitting jobs (for what he felt were valid reasons). This inevitably lead to a lot of stress and frequently to the uprooting of our family to seek our fortune in far-off locales, leaving behind friends and family. I went to school in seven different towns (one on two separate occasions) before going off to college.
I do have a real problem with them asking you to fudge data. Is there some regulatory agency you can go to about this? Whistle-blower policies?
Aprils last blog post..Worldess Wednesday: Tooth
by blues
02 May 2009 at 08:47
Just put one foot in front of the other and know that it´s temporary and you´ll be in a better place very soon. I´m glad you decided not to lie in your work if asked. That was the most worrisome of your list and probably one that would stick with you for too long after you leave, without any need.
by arizaphale
02 May 2009 at 11:55
You’ll give Dr O’C a stern talking to? heh heh heh heh heh
She’s absolutely right of course but you have got time to make alternate arrangements. Just get onto it.
BTW: I thought Andrea’s comment was spot on too.
arizaphales last blog post..Theme Thursday: Perseverance
by Andrea
02 May 2009 at 12:26
Hmmm I don’t know how I feel about your reaction to my comments. I guess I’m glad that you’ve at least given them some thought….
But where did the shot at Canadians come from? Do you miss your home and native land? Or is it that Canadians have a habit of handing out insight that is generally disagreeable?
Oh and Dr O’C it’s not selfish until AFM figures out how to lactate. Then he can quit.
by suzer
02 May 2009 at 12:36
I think we’ve all been there at some point, so best wishes with your plans.
suzers last blog post..Universal Healthcare -or- Reduced Quality For All
by Gwen
02 May 2009 at 14:20
I think it’s wise that you put up some boundaries in your brain (You won’t lie for them again). It’s a compromise of sorts. But I think it’s an important psychological step and will no doubt make your employment there more tolerable. I really wish you all the best.
Your son is just so precious. Is it weird that I covet his rainbow hoodie?
Gwens last blog post..Four Years of Hard Rain
by admin
02 May 2009 at 15:19
SSG – She’s not scary, she just acts tough.
Tys – It’s been called a complete lack of common sense by people with whom I’m close.
SIS – The whole thing rests on that detail of me not just looking after myself. Were that not the case, I would be already gone.
Mongola – What if she’s too stern with me?
HIF – I don’t know that the job looked better, but 4:00 damn sure did.
Courtney – Maybe it did a bit, but I still think I need to quit.
Rassles – Damn family.
Theresa – On the internet, humor is often lost in translation. I assume humor, so sometimes people are probably trying to insult me and I just assume they are being funny.
Chris – I got some chocolate. Hurray.
Jamie – I like the office supply stealing idea. I need some new highlighters.
Nathan – WHat the hell is IMO? All you people disagreeing with me is pissing me off. Dissent is not to be tolerated.
April – There is, but I don’t have any proof in writing.
Blues – Good to see you back.
Ariza – You don’t know what happens when we’re alone! She’s very obedient then.
Andrea – Take it as a compliment. I’M NOT CANADIAN! We’ve been through this before. My PARENTS were Canadian (not anymore), I am American born and except for one year, raised.
And I’m proud to be an American,
where at least I know I’m free.
And I wont forget the men who died,
who gave that right to me.
And I gladly stand up,
next to you and defend her still today.
‘Cause there ain’t no doubt I love this land,
God bless the USA.
OK, that’s a bit much.
Suzer – Thanks for that.
by Joe @ Irrational Dad
03 May 2009 at 12:08
You seem to have a solid plan. Put all the income from sucky job into savings. You’ll adapt to living off one income, so when the time comes for you to destroy the fax machine, there won’t be a huge adjustment for you. Have you thought about asking for some “work at home” time from sucky job? I guess if the PA CFO is already accusing you of lying about your hours, that may not be an option. Also, maybe you could let it all out at the University and tell them that you’d like to give notice at sucky job, but you’re concerned about the long-term employment at the University. Maybe (small maybe, I’m sure) they’ll be absolutely honest and may make the decision a little easier.
Joe @ Irrational Dads last blog post..The Non-Dad Stuff
by mongoliangirl
03 May 2009 at 23:29
I go about ‘understanding’ Dr. OC much in the same way I go about ‘understanding’ those I sponsor. If I didn’t see it, and she doesn’t tell me about it directly, it did not happen. I don’t think she’s going to be sending me an email about how stern she is with you, so I’m just going to pretend it didn’t happen. tee hee hee For some reason, I’m worried this is pissin’ you off.
mongoliangirls last blog post..Blogging Improves Craigslist! (Actually, some kind of comparative essay about different kinds of shit. Like, figurative and literal shit. Kind of. OK, not really.)
by admin
04 May 2009 at 11:07
Joe – I’ve got a performance review at Uni next week, so maybe I can talk things over with them then
Mongola – I am so serene that it is virtually impossible to piss me off.
by NATUI
04 May 2009 at 13:01
I’ve been in the throes of baby shower hell in NASCAR central the past four days so I’ve obviously missed the drama. I’ll catch myself up, but until then to quote my husband in discussing his job situation with other men on staff: Happy wife, happy life.
NATUIs last blog post..Let’s Just Call It What It Is
by headbang8
04 May 2009 at 19:16
I’m warming to a theme I (rather inarticulately) started in my comment on your last post.
You’ve landed yourself in a dysfunctional family–whether it reflects your family of origin or not, was an assumption I really shouldn’t have made.
But your company has all the hallmarks of such families. Playing favourites. Scapegoating of those who call out the lies. Self-proclaimed martyrdom. Treating adults as though they were still children.
You are both an employee and a colleague of these managers. Not their child. It can be hard for a husband and wife working together in business to see that.
So, how do you deal? You remind yourself that their behaviour is about them, not about you. You resolve that what they think and believe of you is really, fundamentally, out of your control. You let it go.
What’s the slogan? Let go. And when you think you’ve let it all go, let go some more.
Now…if they really are seeking scapegoats, then let them fire you. Especially if it’s about a refusal to lie. That would be, legally, an unfair dismissal.
The South Australian law protects you. http://www.lawhandbook.sa.gov.au/ch16s08s02.php
Just in case it gets that far, you should impose a strict no-blogging-at-work policy. They could look at your computer records.
And document everything. Keep a paper diary that you take home with you. If you record every petty humiliation, then it will reveal that their behaviour is, if not systematic, at least institutionalised. Pay particular attention if they make any remarks about your ethnic or national origins.
On the other hand, a worse problem could be that they keep you, and use every chance to humiliate you further. Lots of families do that–it’s a power trip and fulfils a sick need. They call it tough love or building character or just a family with so-called high standards.
Lots of companies do that, too. Except they call it toughness or professionalism or encouraging personal development or stretch goals or some such palaver.
But either way, it’s humiliation. And the best way to deal is not to run away, because the humiliator wins.
I am not a fan of airport self-help books (no sniggering, Arizaphale!) but good old Transactional Analysis can be useful here. They talk down to you like a parent to a child, doling out punishments. If you reply like a child to a parent, then you will just perpetuate the cycle.
In many ways, whether their behavious is fair or unfair fair or unfair is moot. More to the point, be reasonable, and explain why a reasonable person would do what you did.
That’s adult to adult–and it disarms them completely.
Sorry if my advice sounds a bit preachy. That’s what you get for hanging around with a whole lot of law school droputs! (Sorry, not Miss Betty, of course!)
Love, HB8
headbang8s last blog post..Photo Friday: Casual
by Carolyn Online
05 May 2009 at 00:49
I’m just catching up. I used to work for that company. Not THAT company but you know what I mean. Husband-wife owners, tight ass manager, blame, fear. It was awful. I held on as long as I could. The day I walked out was awesome. I did what you did and tried to last as long as possible knowing the end was near.
Then the day came, the CFO (wife) tried to nail a mistake on me that the CEO (the husband) had made – all in front of clients – and I stood up. Said I’m sorry that I can’t work for you anymore to the clients. Looked at the boss but said nothing. Turned around and walked out.
Greatest day ever. I never looked back and never regretted it.
Carolyn Onlines last blog post..Fifteen years ago.
by JChevais
06 May 2009 at 00:12
Setting your limits is good. Awesome in fact.
Also? Your wife scares me a little. But that’s good.
by Coal Miner's Granddaughter
06 May 2009 at 07:54
I’m glad you decided to set limits and keep your integrity. That’s what’s important.
That and most certainly keeping the pregnant wife happy.
Coal Miner’s Granddaughters last blog post..Open Letter 9
by Gypsy
08 May 2009 at 01:22
I’m pretty sure sternness with a pregnant woman will backfire in agony-inducing ways.
by admin
08 May 2009 at 17:05
NATUI – Happy wife, happy life is solid advice.
Headbang – ‘Let go. And when you think you’ve let it all go, let go some more.’ That’s some pretty solid advice as well.
Carolyn – That transfer of blame happens around here as well. Our receptionist tends to be the recipient of that lovely bonus of employment here.
Jchev – Me too.
CMGD – It was more to keep sanity. I don’t have much integrity.
Gypsy – Yeah. It does. Trust me.
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15 May 2009 at 22:11
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