Headbang – ‘Let go. And when you think you’ve let it all go, let go some more.’ That’s some pretty solid advice as well.

Carolyn – That transfer of blame happens around here as well. Our receptionist tends to be the recipient of that lovely bonus of employment here.

Jchev – Me too.

CMGD – It was more to keep sanity. I don’t have much integrity.

Gypsy – Yeah. It does. Trust me.

That and most certainly keeping the pregnant wife happy.

Coal Miner’s Granddaughters last blog post..Open Letter 9

Also? Your wife scares me a little. But that’s good.

Then the day came, the CFO (wife) tried to nail a mistake on me that the CEO (the husband) had made – all in front of clients – and I stood up. Said I’m sorry that I can’t work for you anymore to the clients. Looked at the boss but said nothing. Turned around and walked out.

Greatest day ever. I never looked back and never regretted it.

Carolyn Onlines last blog post..Fifteen years ago.

You’ve landed yourself in a dysfunctional family–whether it reflects your family of origin or not, was an assumption I really shouldn’t have made.

But your company has all the hallmarks of such families. Playing favourites. Scapegoating of those who call out the lies. Self-proclaimed martyrdom. Treating adults as though they were still children.

You are both an employee and a colleague of these managers. Not their child. It can be hard for a husband and wife working together in business to see that.

So, how do you deal? You remind yourself that their behaviour is about them, not about you. You resolve that what they think and believe of you is really, fundamentally, out of your control. You let it go.

What’s the slogan? Let go. And when you think you’ve let it all go, let go some more.

Now…if they really are seeking scapegoats, then let them fire you. Especially if it’s about a refusal to lie. That would be, legally, an unfair dismissal.

The South Australian law protects you. http://www.lawhandbook.sa.gov.au/ch16s08s02.php

Just in case it gets that far, you should impose a strict no-blogging-at-work policy. They could look at your computer records.

And document everything. Keep a paper diary that you take home with you. If you record every petty humiliation, then it will reveal that their behaviour is, if not systematic, at least institutionalised. Pay particular attention if they make any remarks about your ethnic or national origins.

On the other hand, a worse problem could be that they keep you, and use every chance to humiliate you further. Lots of families do that–it’s a power trip and fulfils a sick need. They call it tough love or building character or just a family with so-called high standards.

Lots of companies do that, too. Except they call it toughness or professionalism or encouraging personal development or stretch goals or some such palaver.

But either way, it’s humiliation. And the best way to deal is not to run away, because the humiliator wins.

I am not a fan of airport self-help books (no sniggering, Arizaphale!) but good old Transactional Analysis can be useful here. They talk down to you like a parent to a child, doling out punishments. If you reply like a child to a parent, then you will just perpetuate the cycle.

In many ways, whether their behavious is fair or unfair fair or unfair is moot. More to the point, be reasonable, and explain why a reasonable person would do what you did.

That’s adult to adult–and it disarms them completely.

Sorry if my advice sounds a bit preachy. That’s what you get for hanging around with a whole lot of law school droputs! (Sorry, not Miss Betty, of course!)

Love, HB8

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Mongola – I am so serene that it is virtually impossible to piss me off.

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