It starts out as an exploratory, “Bubba?”, soft and hesitant.
And then a more demanding, “Bubba?!?”
Finally, bellowed, with all his little lungs behind it, “BUBBA!!!”
And that shout snaps me out of my daydream. I turn my eyes to Boy Z who is pointing at a magpie recently taken to flight, no doubt due to an unexpected clamor echoing about the gum trees.
With an endearing snaggletoothed smile he pipes up, “Beer”.
We’d been down on the muddy bank of a seasonal creek that some pioneering Aussie optimistically dubbed the Sturt River for over an hour throwing rocks into the water. It probably isn’t the best parenting approach in the world to drift off into a private reverie while one’s 20 month old son is a slip away from a flowing body of water, but in my defense I’m still not used to being called ‘Bubba’. Despite growing up in the South, I’ve never really been a ‘Bubba’*. But I opted for Papa rather than Daddy as my parental title and Papa comes out as ‘bubba’ from the clumsy developing jaw of a toddler. Bird as ‘beer’.
Wednesdays are my one day a week as a stay-at-home Dad. As much as I enjoy them, I’ve got to admit that one day a week is enough for me. Wednesdays are draining – emotionally, mentally and physically. By the time Dr. O’C gets home from work I’m usually withered up in a corner somewhere. That’s not to say that I don’t enjoy it, just that spending an eight hour day solely in charge of a toddler is harder than any job I’ve ever done.
I used to make sure that we had a full day planned – a trip to the beach or the zoo, an outing in the city, an afternoon at one of these indoor baby playgrounds – something that would occupy both father and son. I’ve realized however, that the boy doesn’t care what we do. Nothing occupies his attention very long anyway and he seems as happy mucking around in the back yard as he does anywhere. He seems happy just to be in my company.
So now, we build castles with Legos. Or we listen to music and dance. Or we push trucks down our ski slope of a driveway.We cook, we clean, we draw, we read stories. We feed the ducks at the ‘lake’. We run errands.
And we stand on the bank of a muddy stream and throw rocks in the water. And in that time, I can slip away in my mind. And watching concentric ripples
of water from stone after stone after stone, I can find a sense of peace and calm. And this little boy child, who can’t focus on anything for longer than two minutes, just keeps casting stone after stone into a muddy creek. I don’t know for sure, but I imagine that at times like these, Boy Z is feeling the exact same sense of peace and calm.
But time marches on and as the afternoon shadows started to lengthen, I made an executive parental decision to begin the walk home.
“Come on Boy Z, shall we go home and see Timmins?”
He pauses, thinking it over, and then with a smile and a nod holds out his hand for me to take and we clamber up the bank.
————————-
* However, I was a ‘Bocephus’ for a year in my aborted first attempt at university. The fraternity I joined was full of Deadheads and because I listened largely to country music at that time – the era of Hank Jr. – my official fraternity nickname was a testament to the hirsute son of a legend.
————————
Speaking of Deadheads, The Grateful Dead’s “American Beauty” – the only Dead album worth owning if you’re not a stinky hippy – is available from
.
Actually, “Workingman’s Dead” is pretty good as well.
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by chris
28 May 2009 at 15:52
Isn’t it funny how you can plan some spectacular excursion and they like it, or you can do something dull, and they like it. When I clean the house all I have to do is give her a handful of baby wipes and she just wipes stuff off watching how I do things. If I’m cooking I give her a few rubber spatulas and she’ll burn 15 minutes just chasing the dog round the kitchen squealing. It is exhausting and sometimes long to be by myself in a quiet room with a book and no baby. And yet, we were eating oranges together today and I must have put one too many in my mouth instead of hers and she grabbed my hand and pulled it to her mouth and said, mumma my turn, and ahhhh, the morning spent spinning my wheels forgotten. I don’t want four kids but I’m a little sad this is my last.
chriss last blog post..Hornicopia – Random Bits
by Joe
28 May 2009 at 20:39
I love the fact that he’s double fisting it in the first picture.
Sarah’s dad wants to be Papa to the grandkids. I guess I’m okay with it, but I still refer to him as Grandpa when I talk to Tyler. I’m not experienced with this “kid” thing, but I always just assumed that Dada and Papa were both reserved for the Dad. hmmph.
Joes last blog post..Got to keep on movin’
by Florida Girl In Sydney
28 May 2009 at 20:52
Love the new look here!
It’s so hard to put into words the joy of being home with your kid/s and the utter mental exhaustion caused by being home with them. When your “kid” turns into your “kids” watch out– because two of them is about ten times the effort– not sure why, well you’re the smart one around here, you tell me.
Love that album, always a hippy, but never stinky.
Florida Girl In Sydneys last blog post..Yeah, Mom– it’s soup alright.
by The Unbearable Banishment
28 May 2009 at 21:18
Kids don’t want quality time. They want quantity time. I love having an entire day to kill with The Daughters, but don’t think I could do it on a full-time basis. I don’t have very good mommy skills, but I’ve got mad mortgage-paying skills.
The Unbearable Banishments last blog post..M.A.M./P./S. R.I.P.
by HereInFranklin
28 May 2009 at 22:20
Sometimes when I see a bird I yell “beer” too. Sometmes it happens when I see a dog too…or a pony…hmmmmmmm….
HereInFranklins last blog post..Tradition, or Silver the Wonder Pony
by Cat
28 May 2009 at 22:30
I always thought it was crazy to spend loads of money to “entertain” very young children, when they are so easily entertained for free.
Sounds like a Wednesdays are nice days for the two of you.
Cats last blog post..The Consequences of Sex
by Bulldog in Exile
28 May 2009 at 23:42
Wait until he starts calling you by your first name around age four. Has Dr. O’C started calling you ‘Bubba’ also? I was thinking that your music choice might be DBT’s “The Living Bubba” when I read your first line.
Bulldog in Exiles last blog post..Dawgs vs. Tech – reality TV verson
by we_be_toys
29 May 2009 at 00:14
“Withered up in a corner somewhere” – I’m sorry, I laughed outloud when I read that, because it’s an all too apt description. Now imagine two of them. and that was my essence-sucking scenario! I guess that’s coming down the pike pretty soon for you guys, isn’t it? Rest assured, in another 5 years, you’ll get your sanity and energy back!(Sorry, that was probably not helpful, huh?)
i think it’s kind of cute that Boy Z calls you Bubba, and birds are Beer. I love the secret language of toddlers, what we used to call The Language of Ba – I was always loathe to correct them, enjoying the spontaneity and serendipity of their efforst to communicate.
Beautiful pictures of an idyllic moment – what boy, large or small, doesn’t love to throw stuff in the water?
we_be_toyss last blog post..Invasion of the Bodysnatchers (and a few recipes)
by alice
29 May 2009 at 01:30
“Reckoning” is a good listen as well — plus, it also contains the great song you reference.
alices last blog post..Wordless Wednesday
by Gypsy
29 May 2009 at 02:15
I find nicknames and their origins fascinating, Bubba. I’m not even kidding.
Lovely post. Peaceful, easy feelings all around.
Gypsys last blog post..Independent Study
by rassles
29 May 2009 at 02:30
You know, this was friggin’ adorable. I kind of hope he always calls you Bubba, I’m not gonna lie.
My dad was Ross. I mean, our last name is Rossi, and my mom always calls him Ross, so I called him Ross. Then my friends started calling me Ross, and my sister’s friends did the same to her, and it’s this whole big familial clusterfuck because no one knows who’s talking to who anymore.
So now he’s Dad.
Oh, and Franklin: I totally do that too.
rassless last blog post..Fun With Foreigners, But Not the Band
by courtney
29 May 2009 at 03:16
Wait, wait, wait. You were a frat boy? My image of you is crumbling.
courtneys last blog post..And The Capital of Nebraska Is Lincoln!
by blues
29 May 2009 at 04:20
Box of Rain, isn’t it?
I love the dead. I only feel like listening to it when I’m driving though.
I really enjoy these kinds of posts of yours. These are ones you are gonna really enjoy reading later on and I think Boy Z someday will really enjoy reading them. I wish I had something like this of my parents to read. Wonderful.
bluess last blog post..I went on a hike this weekend, that’s what I’m trying to say
by NATUI
29 May 2009 at 05:03
See? You’ve got it figured out. All these parents who burn themselves (and their children) out on all these crazy and expensive activities. Why sit swearing in traffic yapping on the cell phone with your kids glazed-eyed in the back seat when they can be screaming and running in the backyard? It is so easy to fall into the trap that “doing” something involves travel and cash. Glad the two of you had such a productive and fun day.
NATUIs last blog post..Burnt the Fire Of Mine Eyes
by ms picket to you
29 May 2009 at 10:21
ooooh papa: this made me a tad weepy. in a good way. i love the way you write.
ms picket to yous last blog post..A Rite Of Embarrassing Passage
by Jacob
29 May 2009 at 12:01
Mine will throw rocks into any body of water for hours as well. I wonder what the draw of throwing rocks into water is.
Jacobs last blog post..The Things You Do for Kids
by mongoliangirl
29 May 2009 at 12:23
One of the meanest members of my family wanted all of the grandchildren to call her ‘Oma’…a German name for grandmother apparently. I cannot tell you how pleased I was when the oldest grandson kept calling her ‘Ape’. Yeah, life is good. Especially when you get ‘Bubba’ instead of ‘Ape’.
mongoliangirls last blog post..Friday at 11am
by Southern (in)Sanity
29 May 2009 at 13:47
What a great story. I have no doubt that he indeed feels the same “sense of peace and calm.” I also have no doubt that taking care of a toddler all day is a very challenging and tiring task.
by admin
29 May 2009 at 16:33
Chris – Boy Z is just starting to learn about turns and sharing and minor things like that. I guess siblings are good for that sort of thing, eh?
Joe – My niece calls my Dad Papa so there could be some confusion when we all get together, but I’m with you. Fathers get first dibs.
FGIS – I’m looking forward, with some dread, to having two around.
TUB – That’s why I restrict it to one day a week. Couldn’t do it more than that.
HIF – He calls dogs Jackdaniels.
Cat – True as true.
Bulldog – I totally should have used my song, don’t know what I was thinking. The title could have been “I wake up tired, I wake up pissed…”
We Be Toys – I don’t like to correct him either. Like ‘bapple’, there’s nothing cuter than him asking for a ‘bapple’. I know it’s bad, but I call them bapples now too.
Alice – I don’t know if I know ‘Reckoning’. Just makes me think of the R.E.M. album.
Gypsy – Ah, the Eagles.
Courtney – Did you not know that. Will have to tell that story. I wasn’t THAT kind of frat boy, to my credit.
Blues – I go through phases with the Dead, but it is good driving music.
NATUI – Yeah, I still like to get out of the house though. Otherwise, I’m just cleaning up a wake of destruction.
Ms Picket – Thanks.
Jacob – It’s pretty satisfying when you think of it, I can throw rocks in water for a fair time on my own.
Mongola – How do you go from Oma to Ape?
SIS – ‘Tis
by admin
29 May 2009 at 16:35
Rassles – Missed you there. I kind of hope he calls me Bubba as well. I don’t think it has the same kind of meaning, if any, in Oz so I’m OK with it.
by nursemyra
29 May 2009 at 18:37
My eldest son’s first word was bird – though he pronounced it as “bir” without the final “d”
I can’t remember my other son’s first word, and he’s never forgiven me for that lapse of concentration
nursemyras last blog post..very heavy rescue
by Beth
29 May 2009 at 20:43
I love that you spend your day off with your son. That speaks volumes about the kind of father you are.
Beths last blog post..Country Boy
by Jan
29 May 2009 at 20:56
What – you’re not a big fan of Blues for Allah? What’s wrong with you? :p
Jans last blog post..Crispy Cornbread Waffles
by Jill/Twipply Skwood
29 May 2009 at 22:31
Very sweet pictures and sounds like a great day. I’m sure this is horrible, but it made my boy happy when he was a little older than Boy Z. He’d ask, “Will you play with me?” and I’d say, “What do you want to play?” He’d say, “Kitty.” And I’d say, “Ok. I’ll be the mommy kitty, and mommy kitty has to do the dishes and make dinner.” And he was happy. And I got dinner made. But I still tricked him. Anyway, I don’t know what that has to do with the price of eggs, but Boy Z is lucky to have your time, even if you do drift off now and again. And throwing stones does sound like a wonderfully peaceful way to spend an afternoon,
Jill/Twipply Skwoods last blog post..None for Me Thanks
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by Jan’s Sushi Bar » This Is Going To Be One of “Those” Posts
29 May 2009 at 22:37
[...] Man, an American gentleman living in Australia. I followed the link over to his blog and read a really wonderful post about the day every week he spends solely in the company of his 20-month-old son (and from the [...]
by Carolyn Online
29 May 2009 at 22:42
It’s good when a parent realizes that all the kids really want is to hang with you. You and your beer.
Carolyn Onlines last blog post..Fun with radial saws.
by April
30 May 2009 at 01:21
Aww, how sweet! Boy Z is growing up so fast, he’s getting so big. I find the time I spend with our little one is far more exhausting than going to work. Work is almost like a vacation!
Aprils last blog post..Wordless Wednesday: Happy Anniversary
by arizaphale
30 May 2009 at 02:44
Twipply Jill…I just pissed myself laughing at ‘mommy kitty’! You are SUCH a dag!!!!!
AFM;(oh that’s right..it’s your blog we’re reading) I would have never made it through my stay at home mum time without the stay at home dads I teamed up with. Childcare is easier in groups. Find other SAHM parents to spend Weds with. You still get to spend time focussed on your kids but at least you have some adult commentary to the fun and games
PS: Football’s at Noarlunga Sat. Interested?
arizaphales last blog post..The Benefits of Having A Teenager
by arizaphale
30 May 2009 at 02:45
PS: Did you take that ripple shot????????? If so, I officially hate you.
arizaphales last blog post..The Benefits of Having A Teenager
by maggie, dammit
30 May 2009 at 03:59
Mmmmmm.
Good one, Bubba.
by muskrat
30 May 2009 at 05:21
Bocephus! That makes me laugh. You need to write about your family traditions sometime. Or how you were born to boogie. And about your country state of mind and how you are young country.
I’m not feeling it.
muskrats last blog post..muskrat to meet bloggers, take 5
by Coal Miner's Granddaughter
30 May 2009 at 12:05
Ty-man is also a Papa. And our oldest boy is Bubba simply because that’s easier than “Brother.” Glad you’ll be a Bubba, even if only for a little while.
As our kids are getting older, I’m figuring out that all the activities I plan are really to keep myself entertained more than the kids. Because if I spend one more day watching them wind around the kitchen island on their plane, firetruck, and train? I’ll go nuts. They could do it constantly.
Glad you’ve found a muddy creek full of peace and happiness.
Coal Miner’s Granddaughters last blog post..Irritable Vowels
by anymommy
31 May 2009 at 09:25
It’s amazing how difficult and long and yep, for me at least, boring, the days with a toddler can be. And, yet, you have to treasure them because we’ll all miss them. A lovely post.
anymommys last blog post..Voices in My Head
by yellojkt
01 Jun 2009 at 07:16
Your Wednesday’s are so tiring because you pack so much in. If you were doing it more frequently, you’d be more relaxed about the pace.
yellojkts last blog post..The Comics List
by velocibadgergirl
01 Jun 2009 at 13:10
Love the photos, and the story. Hanging out by streams = good times
by Jill/Twipply Skwood
01 Jun 2009 at 13:57
Arizaphale – I’m so glad I don’t know what a dag is!
Jill/Twipply Skwoods last blog post..None for Me Thanks
by admin
01 Jun 2009 at 14:58
Nurse – Really, Boy Z says bir as well, but that middle i sometimes sounds like ‘ee’, so creative license you know.
Beth – I’m not sure about that, but thanks!
Jan – It all starts to sound the same after a while – stoned hippies noodling on guitars. Yawn.
Jill – I’ll be trying that approach soon. I firmly believe that parenting involves a fair bit of deceit.
Carolyn – I’m going to enjoy it, I know that there’s a limited amount of time before he doesn’t want to hang out with me at all.
April – I know. Peace and quiet, right?
Ariza – Blog comment as invite doesn’t really work that well! I forgot about football, but truth be told, I’d rather avoid Noarlunga whenever possible.
Maggie – Thanks!
Muskrat – I’ll write that story one of these days, but it’s got a crap ending. I hate crap endings.
CMGD – I don’t mind him going around in circles, it’s the neediness that I can’t cope with some days. If he’s distracting himself, even in an annoying way, that’s preferable to me having to carry him around.
ANymommy – Thanks.
Yello – I don’t really pack that much in these days and if I did it more often, we wouldn’t be able to pay rent.
Veloci – Thanks.
by heather
01 Jun 2009 at 15:22
We had “adventures” on little trails at parks and it is adorable how much serious adventuring ever got done, but, it was good.
heathers last blog post..O, Valencia!