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It is not Father’s Day in Australia. So don’t bother telling me what a good Dad I am or scrambling frantically to come up with an excuse as to why you haven’t sent me a gift. But it is Father’s Day in 52 countries, including the United States, so Happy Dad’s day to all you Pops out there – including my own.
I was a weird little kid. I was obsessive – a cataloguer and a collector. My room was filled to overflowing with boxes of baseball cards, rocks, stamps. I was fascinated with statistics and probability. Time and distance and especially the way that things worked. I spent many an after school afternoon disassembling things, breaking them down to their component parts. I was a builder as well, but largely in my head. I assembled elaborate scenarios in my head and made them as real as I could – elaborate alternate worlds in which I was not a squirrely little kid with thick glasses, fantasy baseball leagues in which I was the Cy Young award winning pitcher.
I see a lot of myself in my son. More and more every day. As I watched him stack rocks – in a very particular manner – the other day, I had a flashback to my own childhood. When I stumbled over a perfectly aligned row of Matchbox cars this morning, I realized that – like it or not – Boy Z is going to be a product of his father. And his father’s father. There’s a bond between father and son that is irrevocable – genes, blood, shared experience. No matter whether you languish in it or fight it with all your soul, you are going to become – to some extent – your father.
My Dad didn’t have it easy. He grew up in a mining town in the northern wilderness of Ontario. His Mom took off when he was young, leaving him with his Dad and older siblings. His Dad, while a decent guy, probably wasn’t equipped for the raising of three kids on his own, so my Dad learned self-reliance from a young age. When he graduated high school he headed south for university. He got a degree in metallurgical engineering, a job with Union Carbide and has never looked back. He settled in Florida, about as far away from Northern Ontario as you can get, in 1980 and has lived there ever since.
I am the son of an engineer. I’ve inherited the mind of an engineer, a scientist. I didn’t realize that when I was younger. I spent a good part of my late teens and twenties trying to leave this inherent curiosity of the machinations of the world around behind as the trappings of childhood, but I’ve never been able to. At heart, I’ll always be that shy little boy taking radios apart in my bedroom. Rather than continuing to fight my nature, in my thirties I decided to use what I thought of us childish for my benefit. I became a scientist. As a geneticist, I’ve exploited that childhood fascination with categorization, statistics and an obsession with the way things work and turned it into a decent living.
I’m also the son of an expatriate. Like my father as soon as I graduated high school I left my childhood home firmly in the rear view mirror. I don’t know what my Dad’s experience in voluntary exile has been like for him, but for me the further away that I get, the more that I realize that the ties that bind are pretty elastic. Wherever you go, there you are. Whatever you are trying to escape generally comes right along with you. Especially since becoming a father myself, I feel that bond with my own father much more strongly. And his father. And presumably his father’s father. Maybe it is because of that hapless little Y chromosome that I hear my Dad’s voice come out of my mouth when I’m talking to Boy Z. Maybe it is something else – common experience, a blood bond – that means when I look in a mirror I increasingly see my Dad looking back.
Whatever it is, I’m luckier than a lot of men.**
—————————
* Come September 6, however, you better have a damn good excuse.
** OK. To be 100% honest I didn’t get my shit together on time to get a card in the mail to my Dad. So, I’m taking the Steve Earle a la ‘Valentine’s Day‘ way out.
The images, for the curious:
- Me in my bedroom with what I recall being a working aircraft carrier.
- My Dad, probably in his early 20’s.
- My sister and I with our paternal (left) and maternal (right) grandfathers. Both great men, both regrettably gone.
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Here’s me, not telling you Happy Father’s Day.
And I too was a collector as a kid. Remember those mail club things where you’d subscribe and they’d send you stuff every month or so with a bill? I did the books and the little gold flags from other countries.
And I did baseball cards. Had a Jose Canseco rookie card at one time. Now my son has them all . . . on display.
Peace!
tysdaddy´s last blog ..For the Mother of My Child
Happy Father’s Day to me, then.
When adults saw you as a kid, did they say, “He’ll grow up to be a scientist”? I thought about it recently, when Liam sang and someone said he’ll become a singer. People get scientist and singer and dancer, but you never hear, “He’s so polite, I bet he’ll grow up to be a Customer Service Representative!”
So I started reading the Communist-Secret-Muslim’s book about hope, and on page 3 he writes: “Someone once said that every man is trying to either live up to his father’s expectations or make up for his father’s mistakes,” and I think how refreshing it is to have a normal person as President, and I get a little optimistic.
That IS you with the aircraft carrier??? You are so CUTE!! And OMG I thought that second photo was YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!Although I did notice the decor looked a little off timewise…
I too was a collector and organiser as a child. In a really anal phase in the early 70s, I used to write down my top ten records of the week and then analyse them wrt the official charts. You know, relative positions, relative movement up and down. In another life with another set of circumstances I may have been a scientist too but I shied away from following in my father’s footsteps (read:shadow). Being a dad, and being a good dad, is one of the most important tasks you can take on in this life. Young Z is lucky to have you…and lucky to have this record of your journey.
Happy Father’s Day to your dad. (You’ll get yours in September)
arizaphale´s last blog ..SOOC Saturday: Because You Haven’t Seen Him For Awhile
I love this post. I love the old photographs! And like arizaphale, I thought that second photo was you at first glance. You know, not sending a card is forgivable when you can post a nice dedication like this on your blog. I think you nailed it on the head when you said, “…the ties that bind are pretty elastic.” Growing up I wanted to be nothing like my own mother. I spent much of my life actively disliking her, for one reason or another, that is what young girls do. But now that I’m older I realise how much a part of her I am, and in turn a part of me she is. I don’t try to escape that now, I’m respect her now & I’m happy to be like her in many ways. Thanks for yet another great post- they always tend to make me reflect.
And for what it is worth… Happy Father’s Day Chris.
Come to Sydney for 4th of July! Florida Girl puts on one hell of a party.
I actually did head over here to wish you a happy father’s day. Very sweet post and I do hope you have a good one, father’s day for Australia or not.
Jill/Twipply Skwood´s last blog ..Death by Teenager
I like this post. I actually have a lot more in common with my mom than my dad, but I have gotten closer to him and appreciated him more the older I’ve gotten, especially since I’ve been a dad myself.
i think there’s something in those “freeman” foreheads that plays a pretty dominant part in your genetic makeup. i mean,talk about generational resemblance!
my dad died when i was only nine and i always wished i knew him as a person and not just as my dad. i think i got a lot of traits from him even though physically we weren’t together all that long. blood is funny like that.
gorgeous post.
I identify with a lot of it — seeing myself literally become my parents. And I definitely identify with things catching up with you know matter how far away you go – there they are because it’s what makes you you. Like it or not sometimes.
I love posts with old photos! It is amazing how much you look like your dad. I also recognize your bedspread. I think a friend of mine had one when I was young. Great post, but no guarantees about Sept. 6th.
NATUI´s last blog ..Those Glorious Paper Robes
It’s Father’s Day in the US and in the blogosphere even if it’s not in Australia, so happy Father’s Day, AFM.
I find genetic fascinating, especially as I raise a biological child an adopted one. My son was adopted at birth, and there are so many things that he has gotten from me, his mother. But, there are things that make him who he is that have nothing to do with me. I marvel at them. It is like treasure. He is like you. He needs to know how everything works. He is three but he knows how to name, organize, use every tool in his grandfather’s garage, and he asks me questions like…where does milk come from? What makes the rain? Why do my nails grow? And, answers are just followed by more and more questions. I swear he wants to eat the world just to see how it would feel to digest it. Amazing!
Since I’m living in one of those 52 countries that celebrate Father’s Day, and you were born in this country, I will still wish you a Happy (Belated) Father’s Day.
Damon´s last blog ..Dear So and So…..Numero Uno
Tys – I did the books. I’ve got a few good rookie cards as well. I don’t know what the hell to do with them, though.
PIS – Dreams of My Father is a great book. I wish he would be a bit more ballsy on the health care thing.
Ariza – I do the album thing today.
Erin – I think becoming like our parents is inevitable. I would have found that appalling a few years ago, but now it seems OK. I don’t think we’ll make it to Syd for the 4th. It’s a bit late in Dr. O’C’s pregnancy to be flying.
Jill – Thanks.
Jacob – I think after becoming a Dad you can’t help but relate to your own Dad – good or bad.
I am sorry to report that my father was a buffoon and a fool. It actually makes being a proper dad to my daughters much easier. I know exactly what NOT to do! Happy father’s day x2.
The Unbearable Baishment´s last blog ..don’t ever let ‘em see you weep
This was sweet and lovely to read. I see my husband doing things his father does all of the time (I am not sure if he realizes it). I also see my growing up son and his dad are in the middle of the teen struggle; they are a like in so many ways and get caught up both being stubborn about the same thing.
I think you and mine are having good healthy father son connections. Ah, men!
heather´s last blog ..Let Me Sleep On It
Not a lot of words to say really, I just enjoyed this post tremendously.
I was going to comment on how much you look like your dad, but that wouldn’t exactly be a new topic after reading all of the other comments. So, um, yeah. Hope you had a great father’s day!
I find that I’m getting all of the annoying traits of my parents and none of the productive ones. Like I repeat myself over and over until I get the reaction I want. And I’m a total anti-snob snob, and it makes me bitter. And I can’t accept help from people. Ever. But I get angry at people who won’t let me help them.
Because I’m a control freak who doesn’t want to inconvenience anyone.
Anyway, if you’re turning into your Dad The Engineer, then you should know it’s entirely possible your Dad The Engineer was the shiznet.
rassles´s last blog ..The Declaration of Creative License
I can’t put my finger on why exactly but I really like this post.
The picture of your Dad in his 20s…the spitting image of you.
Xbox4NappyRash´s last blog ..Something in my eye
Happy Father’s Day (and happy son’s day).
I also left the home country, I did it as soon as I finished college. I think that the distance enables you to create a mature relationship with your parents quickly, you don’t have to push them away to establish who you are because the distance does that for you.
Any cataloging curious tendencies in your son?
You were quite a cute little boy. Thanks for sharing those photos from your childhood. It’s always nice to see those personal mementos from fellow bloggers. I can’t say I know about father/son bonds. I wasn’t nor am I currently particularly close to my dad. I wish I were. I envy you for your bond with your father. I think to an extent no matter how close we are to our parents, we end up saying the things they said to us. I mean we learn about how to be a parent from our parents, right? I just try to keep the good stuff from them and lose the bad stuff. This was a beautifully written post by the way. Thanks for sharing these memories and thoughts.
Gwen´s last blog ..Onions are Assholes
Happy belated Fathers’ Day to you. I’m not sure I have any old pics of my old man, which is sad (he’s still around…I just don’t have old pics of him).
muskrat´s last blog ..on father’s day
Like Yoko One:
YES.
Duh. Ono.
I hope you get my reference.
Very nice post, and I suppose we all end up a big like our parents, even if we don’t want to. I’m a lot more like my dad than my mom, and I think that’s a good thing. (And I’m an engineer’s kid too! Too bad I didn’t inherit my dad’s scientific brain.)
courtney´s last blog ..I’m Just Going To Pretend It Hasn’t Been More Than A Week Since I Last Posted. Sound Good? Good.
Where did you get these pictures? I cannot figure out where we are in the one with Dad.
We have lots more of you as a child, remember the goofy smile one? That is one of Dad’s many retirement projects is to put all the old slides on the computer. We will send you some really good ones you can show to Zach. Love You! And Happy Father’s Day belated, because I probably will not remember in September!
You can either view this as a Happy late Not-Father’s Day, or an extremely early Happy Father’s day.
Tyler has already picked up some of my mannerisms, which is awesome and scary at the same time. I just hope he never feels “the need” to set his alarm clock six times each night, just to be sure.
As far as my father goes… I strive to be everything that he’s not/wasn’t
Joe´s last blog ..Wordless Wednesday v. Radish
In the vast and glorious and well-loved history of your blog posts, this might be one of my very favorites. Top five, I’m thinking.
Gypsy´s last blog ..Way Out West
MJRC – Yeah, I think you could be right. I didn’t notice it until you pointed it out. I think it’s because we all have such big brains.
Blues – Like it or not is right.
NATUI – Isn’t that bedspread awesome? NFL circa 1975.
Cat – I’ll take it.
Kelly – Lovely sentiment and I think your example illustrates that genes only go so far. It has a lot to do with environment as well.
Damon – I’ll take it!
TUB – Fair enough, but a negative influence is still an influence.
Heather – My Dad and I struggled for a long time about a lot of things.
Hellbilly – Thanks for that!
Jason – I know. It’s scary.
Rassles – I know what you’re saying. Same is happening to me. But as my parents read this, I only say nice things…
Xbox – Cause it’s awesome?
Laura – Distance makes the heart grow fonder?
Gwen – That’s the truth. I never thought it would be that way, but we read some of the same books, listen to some of the same music, and so on.
Muskrat – Thanks, you too.
Ms Picket – I’m sad to say that I don’t…
Courtney – I knew we had something in common.
Mom – I don’t know. I have a handful in a photo album.
Joe – I don’t set the alarm anymore because I have a 21 month old alarm clock in the next room.
Gypsy – Thanks, I thought it was one of my favorites as well.
Very nicely put.
chris´s last blog ..Mauna Kea Kisses