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Dr. O’C and I are trying to clean up our language. We’re not sailors or anything, but both are fond of the odd invective to hammer home a point during a heated ‘debate’. But Boy Z has reached the stage at which he repeats, to the best of his ability, everything that comes out of our mouths. I don’t have any moral objection to cussin’ – as they call it where I came from – but I do think it is a bit intellectually lazy. I also think if you’ve got a toddler ‘fucking’ and ’shitting’ himself around day care it reflects kind of badly on the parents.
Thus Operation Potty Mouth has begun. No more cussing in front of the kid. We’re doing pretty good, but in the heat of the moment, we can still slip up.
I would like to point out that Dr. O’C slips up more than I do. It’s an Irish thing.When she gets mad, her face turns as red as her hair and she starts firing obscenities.
(Love you, babe.)
I’m much more even tempered*. When I slip up, it usually involves music. For example, the boy and I were dancing around the living room the other day to Prince. I was singing along happily…
…It’s all about love being in charge of this life
And the next…
Why all the cosmic talk?
I just want u smarter than I’ll ever be
When we take that walkCome here baby, yeah
U sexy motherfucker
Come here baby, yeah
U sexy motherf…
Oops.
I never really think about song lyrics when I’m belting them out in the car or in the shower or while cooking the dinner. I’ve always thought that Parental Advisory warnings were a bit silly. In fact, I had a problem with Al Gore for the longest time because of his wife’s puritanical crusade against musicians in the late 1980’s – a crusade that was inspired, ironically, by a Prince song.
Now, I don’t think – as Tipper Gore’s PMRC did – that rock music is responsible for “the decay of the nuclear family in America”. Far from it. It’s a big part of my nuclear family. But I’m wondering if I have to start to censor music with explicit lyrics. Runs counter to my beliefs, but my experience thus far as a parent has been all about putting some beliefs on the shelf in deference to the kid’s best interests.
If I do censor, I may miss out on moments like the other night. Putting Boy Z to bed, my iPod shuffled it’s way to The Bloodhound Gang’s “Fire Water Burn”**. Now, I do like this song – but it’s a reasonably foul one. So I just tried to talk loudly and nonsensically through the beginning of the song, sprinkled with lyrical gems like…
The roof, the roof, the roof is on fire
The roof, the roof, the roof is on fire
We don’t need no water let the motherfucker burn
Burn motherfucker burn
But at the end of this particular track, there’s a change in the tempo and tone and I couldn’t resist a little sing-a-long…
Ooh ooh
C’mon party people
Ooh ooh
Throw your hands in the air
Ooh ooh…
Wave ‘em like you don’t care
And with those high pitched ‘oohs’ the boy’s attention was captured. So, I did what any good father would do – I taught him a dance move. I showed him how, if one were a party person, one would throw one’s hands in the air. I demonstrated how one may do so as if not caring.
In short, I taught the boy how to raise the roof. And he loved it. And now all you have to do is say – in a Jimmy Pop falsetto – ‘ooh, ooh’ and he’ll show you how it is done.
But at what cost these fresh moves?
—————
*It is possible that this statement may elicit some cussin’ from the good doctor – most likely a phrase beginning with ‘bull’ and ending with ’shit’.
**I hold Courtney partially responsible for this. She suggested, I’m assuming with tongue firmly in cheek, The Bloodhound Gang as antenatal music. I haven’t used it, but she did get me thinking about the damn band.
***I know that the soccer photos don’t really apply to the topic at hand, but they’re too awesome not to use.
If you must, The Bloodhound Gang’s “One Fierce Beer Coaster” is available from 
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I certainly respect your efforts to clean up the language. It’s unfortunate that it becomes an issue with so much music these days.
I bet watching Boy Z “raise the roof” is hilarious.
While I agree that it’s probably not a good idea to swear in front of little kids, I doubt the music is going to be too bad.
True, I know almost nothing about kids, but I do know something about parrots, and they’re somewhat related. (Work with me here…) Parrots learn thing not as much through repetition (which is why playing recorded sayings really doesn’t work) but through a word or phrase attached to emotion. So clean up your language, but I wouldn’t worry too much about the music.
Theresa B´s last blog ..In Which a Middle-Aged Woman Blogs About Her Cat
My kids just insert their own “beeps” when the swear words come up. The other day, my son asked if I’d rent “Beep-boy II” for him to watch . . .
Good luck!
tysdaddy´s last blog ..Boredom, Vice and Need
This is why I’m sorta glad that my kids don’t speak english.
I can swear when I need to and you cannot imagine the charm in seeing one’s daughter shake her hump and sing her face off to lyrics she doesn’t understand (though her accent is getting better and better).
And when the naughty words come up, I just radiate love and pride.
“We don’t need no water let the…..”
Ooh, ooh, ooh. I actually have gone through this problem and have come up with some house rules! With the little ones I would screen sing along songs a little, but you would be surprised how well mumbling works as subterfuge.
The other rule that we have for older boy: I don’t care if there is some swearing as long as it is a quality song. That said, at about 9 he was able to understand that swears in music do not equal swearing in daily speech.
Ultimately, I fall back on semantics. Those words are only taboo because people react to them. Cuss words don’t actually have any inherent qualities of evil and they change over time. http://www.nytimes.com/2005/09/20/science/20curs.html?pagewanted=all
Finally, we use: “We say that at home, but, it’s not a word for school.” Or a simple “No, no.”
heather´s last blog ..Roses in Old Jars
I love that Bloodhound Gang song. A well-placed swear helps most loud rock records. Fuck, I’d be a terrible father figure.
Rol´s last blog ..Bad Vibes
I’ve always been partial to that quote, the irony and all
You reminded me of the time my college roommate embarrassed me by calling the college radio station and requesting “Bad Touch” in my honor, and when they played it they mentioned my name no less than three times, nice.
We’re working on cleaning up our language too, trying to be pre-preemptive or some shit.
April´s last blog ..Wordless Wednesday: Wild-life on the beach
I’m happy to report that neither of The Daughters have dropped the F-bomb on us yet. At this point, I think I can blame it on some ill-mannered little punk at school, so I think I’m in the clear.
The Unbearable Baishment´s last blog ..a bold and daring brag
Yeah, if the kid is fucking around day care, you’ve got more problems than his vocabulary.
Oh yes, the ‘we must watch our language’ years. I am a bit out of touch with them and while the actual parents are doing pretty well at cleaning it up, I have been hearing some complaints about the youngest chanting the ‘wrong’ words while sounding exactly like Grama. So it appears I need to clean it up a bit too!
Vixen´s last blog ..A Day In The Life
When I was pregnant with Angst (17 years ago), Yankee and I had to do a major language cleanup campaign. It was amazing how easy it was to drop words that were a huge part of our lexicon. As the kids have gotten older, though, I find myself slipping a lot. Around here, s**t is known as Mom’s word.
HA! I had no idea my pithy suggestion would actually worm its way into your and Z’s music bonding time. Actually, if I’m being completely honest, I meant to suggest the Sugar Hill Gang for your prenatal music. I really, truly did. It’s much cleaner and “Rapper’s Delight” is like 20 minutes long, so I thought it would get A Free Fetus kicking and dancing in there for a good long time. But then my dirty subconscious came out and I accidentally typed Bloodhound Gang. Oops. But it seems to have worked for you, so you’re welcome. If Boy Z starts yelling, “Hooray for boobies!” during day care, though, don’t blame me.
I really had to watch my language when my friends came to visit last week and brought their 2-year-old son with them. That kid’s like a little parrot.
courtney´s last blog ..I’m Just Going To Pretend It Hasn’t Been More Than A Week Since I Last Posted. Sound Good? Good.
The most petite & demure of Irish women can cut you to shreds with a necklace of curses that would make Tarantino blush.
Xbox4NappyRash´s last blog ..Something in my eye
We, too, have cleaned up our language acts. I’ve taken to using Battlestar Galactica’s “frak” in place of fuck and as a nod to my German heritage, “scheisse” to replace shit. So, basically, my kids will just be offensive at German sci-fi conventions.
Coal Miner’s Granddaughter´s last blog ..You Say You Want a Revolution
I swear more in my blogs than I do in my actual speech. I think sometimes there is nothing better than a good “fuck”, well both verbally and otherwise
Seriously, though, I do need to clean up my language. My daughter has been saying some things. But sometimes I think about it this way: There are lots of things that I’m allowed to do as an adult that she is not allowed to do as a child. That’s the way it is. So if she curses, I will punish. And if I curse, I say, “I’m a mommy. I’m allowed to do that. You’re not.” I know it’s good to set an example, but she’s not allowed to have a cocktail but does that mean I shouldn’t have one in her presence? I don’t know. Just a thought. I am going to try to clean up my language for it’s own sake. I can’t make any promises about my blog. It’s the place where I can be myself without consequence.
Gwen´s last blog ..Some Day My Non-Raping Ken Will Come
Pretty good post. I just came by your site and wanted to say
that I have really enjoyed reading your posts. Any way
I’ll be subscribing to your blog and I hope you write again soon!
Working in an elementary school means that I have to watch what I say. It is a lot harder than it sounds! Good luck with holding back.
The soccer pictures are awesome!
Beth´s last blog ..Spit on me! Spit on me!
I’ve had a “language” blog sitting in my drafts bin for about 2 or 3 weeks. I really should finish it.
Also, I prefer Cake’s version of The Roof is on Fire, although I can’t seem to find it in my collection… which is very depressing.
Joe´s last blog ..Wordless Wednesday v. Radish
Oh, and I wish I were queer so I could get chicks.
I’m pretty sure that air should be “aayyyah.”
Also, one of my favorite lyrics ever is: “and you fuck like a volcano and you’re everything to me.” Pure poetry.
Gypsy´s last blog ..Way Out West
We have never been successful in our attempts to clean up our language; the interesting thing (to me, anyway) is one of our kids repeats every morsel of a curse word she hears and the other is completely morally offended. Kids are so weird.
Happy belated not-really-father’s day.
maggie, dammit´s last blog ..Will you like me less at BlogHer if you think I’m fat?
Mate, your child will learn these words anyway…best to learn them from you!
I was very pleased, given my predilection for the cuss, that at 6 my child could not guess which ‘bad word’ I had said after hitting my thumb with a hammer. After a week in an Australian school however she wanted to know what ‘f’ you meant.
In response to Gwen I would say it’s all about context. As an adult you’re ‘allowed’ to swear but you also know when and where it’s appropriate. If you have no moral objection to ‘language’ yourself at least teach your child that not everyone has the same opinion and that there is a time and a place. The farmers I worked with in my first teaching job told the children that there was normal language and there was ‘paddock’ language! Himself used to tell his kids that it was ‘boat’ language! (he’s sailor)
For my part, I was heartened when one of the lads at school today mentioned that I hadn’t called him a ‘dick’ in over a week. “Let’s keep it that way,” was my response!
arizaphale´s last blog ..What Was Wrong With Learning The Piano?
I was teaching the Oldest how to “dive” off the diving board a few days ago and she said…wait for it….
“It’s just too goddamn hard!!”
Operation Potty Mouth goes International it seems.
As far as the PMRC….Tipper is responsible for the 2 Live Crew Album ‘Nasty As You Wann Be’ going double Platinum. Nothing says “buy me” like someone telling you that you shouldn’t.
There is a time in every parent’s life.
I started a swear jar. Jake will be able to go Ivy League if he wants…
My kids started picking up some of our less that savory language. We realized the thrill was saying what they wre not suppose to. So, we told them that we didn’t care if they said those words, just as long as they didn’t say snozberry. Now, that is the “curse” of the moment in our home.
I had to start cleaning up my language over a year ago when Chloe, after dropping her ice cream, said “Oh shit!” I was so pleased she used it correctly.
There’s something about swearing as part of a song, though, that even as a kid, was just different to me.
I used to wait, intently for “Bad, Bad Leroy Brown” to come on the radio. Because it was the one time I knew I got to say the word “damn” with complete immunity, and there wasn’t a mother-loving thing anyone could do about it, because it was part. Of. The. Song.
And I turned out….ok.
SIS – I’m of two minds about the music. I firmly believe that artists should be able to write whatever kind of music they want, but some of it is a bit much for kids.
Teresa – I think parrots and kids are very similar. Especially at this age.
Tys – That’s impressive!
JChev – So I either need foreign language music or to start teaching Boy Z Chinese.
Heather – Good advices, all. Right now I just mumble my way through some of the more objectionable words.
Rol – They’re totally a guilty pleasure for me.
April – Pre-emptive or some shit
TUB – Way to go!
Jacob – True. Though it sets him up to be popular with the ladies later in life.
Vixen – His Grandma is part of the problem. She’s a proper Irishwoman and, as Xbox says, can spew some profanity.
CMGD – I’m always put off by things like ‘frak’. I mean, it’s obvious what you’re saying – just use the real word!
Gwen – The differentiation between what’s OK for kids and what’s OK for adults is a good one. I mean we already don’t let him do some of the things we do, so cussing would just be another one of those things.
Cat – I love that shit is your word. Nice!
Courtney – 1. He already yells that. 2. Sugar Hill Gang is an excellent idea!
OK, time to go home. Hurrah!
I love singing along to Ani De Franco’s song “Your Untouchable Face”
“Fuck you and your untouchable face
Fuck you for existing in the first place….”
nursemyra´s last blog ..where are we mother?
I haven’t heard The Bloodhound Gang namechecked in a long time.
yellojkt´s last blog ..Michael Jackson Remembered
I do not curse. Believe it or not I actually say sugar and shoot. I don’t let me students use f-alternative words. My older daughter has an amazing vocabulary that includes 20-letter words and four-letter words. The younger daughter has the occasional s-word. I did what I could do. Regarding censoring music, I never bothered, they can hear stuff anywhere. But I do get not wanting to be the parent of a toddler who cusses. The whole jar thing seems ridiculous to me, it becomes entertainment to see you slip instead of making a mistake and wanting to fix it. Good luck with the soap.
Laughing here. That Prince song? Sexy M.F. was the exact song that Hubbie and I turned to each other when our daughter was six months old and realized that the good old days were about to be severely restricted.
As for cleaning up our language, it is a miracle that our kids have not sworn at all. I really watch my mouth around my kids. I guess that is another inspiration to keep my blog. It’s the only place I can let loose.
NATUI´s last blog ..Unpacking My Grandmother
I’m foul-mouthed.
I think this is gonna be a problem for me when I have kids. In Spanish I’m even worse cause the swear words don’t sound even remotely bad to me, they just sound like any other Spanish word I’ve learned. They are all neutral to me.
blues´s last blog ..London Bridge is Burning Down
I have what could almost be considered a mild case of Turret’s. I stick with the solid and flexible expletive ‘fuck’. I find it works in every situation and rarely do I delve into the others.
Yes, it might be intellectually lazy but I do pair them with other good words and don’t often use them in anger, more as emphasis. Like when Gene and I were in Hawaii and wanted to go to the top of Mauna Kea but our rental wouldn’t make it up the last 15 miles, but then this tour guide offered to let us have the 2 empty seats on his four wheel drive/jake braked vehicle because we were bantering and he took a liking to us. “Well isn’t that fucking serendipitous.” Or when I found out Martin’s wife was having a bebe I said, “well, it’s about fucking time they get a break.” See, much better with the f-bomb.
We don’t use it as a general rule around the kids but they have heard it from us a time or two. My nine year old heard me say it when I rescued our dumb dog from the traffic she was darting about in. He told my husband, oh you should have seen mom, she was soooooo mad at the dog she used a REALLY bad word. We’ve told him hey, if you want to practice saying all the bad words with your friends in your supersecret fort treehouse, go right ahead but if you use them around school, adults, us, etc., you’ll lose privleges for being a dumbass. As far as music, if it’s gratuitous, misogynistic or violent, even if it’s a good song, it gets shelved for later.
chris´s last blog ..Mauna Kea Kisses
Xbox – That is absolutely true, so just imagine the kind of language we have with the Irishwomen around here.
Beth – Well, it sounds pretty hard, so if it is harder than that…
Joe – Never heard that, so if you find it send it my way!
Jacob – Who doesn’t, my friend?
Gypsy – You’re right about that pronounciation. And that Liz Phair album is outstanding, one of my favorites from the 90’s.
Maggie – They are, aren’t they? I don’t know if we’re going to have much success either.
Suzer – Yeah, but not necessarily at this age.
Ariza – I don’t think ‘dickhead’ is considered swearing in Australia. You hear it everywhere.
cIII – You’re absolutely right about the PMRC and Public Enemy. In fact, I reckon that Explicit labelling has boosted the sales of a lot of mediocre albums.
Lora – I tried to start a swear jar, but Dr. O’C told me to fuck off.
Kelly – That kind of deception impresses the hell out of me.
Jamie – True. Proper grammar is a plus.
Ginny – Great song!
Nurse – I’ve never been a huge Ani Di Franco fan. I think you have to be a woman.
Yello – Shame, isn’t it?
Laura – It isn’t the kid that needs soap or jar, it’s us!
NATUI – What sucks is that it’s a great song! I wonder what a radio edit would sound like?
Blues – I know a fair bit of Spanish curse words. I don’t know why…
Chris – I’m with you except if you can set these boundaries, why does music have to go on the shelf?
A Free Man´s last blog ..Now you’re coming back, stronger than you ever were before
I love to curse and I’m seriously wondering what the fuck happened to the comment I left here a few days ago– is it just me or is that shit gone? Fucking fantastic.
Florida Girl in Sydney´s last blog ..Two Year Expativersary
I’m going to have to come back to this one when I have time for a real response, but in the meantime – for years my gal thought Jimmy Buffet’s “Why don’t we get drunk and screw” was “Why don’t we pet skunks and wear shoes.” All the rest of my response is actually my defense about why I think it’s ok to teach kids swear words. Sort of.
Jill/Twipply Skwood´s last blog ..Sorry Folks, but Debbie Makes the Rules at our House…apparently…
Ok let me try and remember what more it was I wanted to say? For one thing, I do think it’s good to try and keep them from swearing before a certain age. I think at age three, it’s hard to keep them from using “bad words” at school. And the teachers will get all upset and other parents will get ALL KINDS of upset if they think your kid is teaching their kids bad words. But at least by age five I think most kids are capable of learning where it is and isn’t okay to swear. And I think it’s more a matter of teaching them when and where they can use the words rather than try and prevent them from learning them altogether, which is totally futile anyway.
As far as songs go, aside from disguising that one Jimmy Buffet song for awhile, I decided that since I was adamant about monitoring TV and movies and preservatives and sugar pesticides and etc. etc. etc., that I flat out wasn’t going to worry about song lyrics. It’s part of the song, and that certainly fits with my whole “appropriate uses” theory. And it’s only coming in ONE sense, as opposed to TV or movies, where if they’re hearing something inappropriate, they’re probably seeing something inappropriate too. So that’s my rationalization on why I let my boy listen to MIA whenever that first CD came out and he was like seven years old or something.
Jill/Twipply Skwood´s last blog ..In Which Older Gal Gives Us the Goods on the Vibrating Boobs…
[...] Chris wrote an interesting post today onHere’s a quick excerptI never really think about song lyrics when I’m belting them out in the car or in the shower or while cooking the dinner. I’ve always thought that Parental Advisory warnings were a bit silly. In fact, I had a problem with Al Gore for …. It’s much cleaner and “Rapper’s Delight” is like 20 minutes long, so I thought it would get A Free Fetus kicking and dancing in there for a good long time. But then my dirty subconscious came out and I accidentally typed Bloodhound Gang. … [...]