For about six months after my ill-advised and short-lived marriage, I locked myself away in a cave and proceeded to go temporarily insane.
My hermitage was a converted warehouse space in the shadow of the Kingdome – vast, sterile and windowless. I rented it as a base of operations for my fledgling freelance photography business. After a manic burst in which I fitted it with a darkroom and kitchenette, I began to slip irretrievably into a deep depression. I quit my steady job. As my money began to dry up, I gave up my Capitol Hill apartment and began to sleep in a rough loft on top of the darkroom.
That’s when things began to get really bad. Except for football and baseball fans, not many people made their way to my part of Pioneer Square. I stopped separating work and life and began to do both of them badly. And I massively underestimated the importance of a window. After a long day in my cell, the walls began to creep in on me. On rainy winter days, sometimes I didn’t even leave the place. I’d pass out in my fetid makeshift bed and snap awake some time later in the pitch black without a clue whether it was night or day.
Just to get some fresh air and daylight, I used to wander under the viaduct to the waterfront and have breakfast at the OK Hotel. I didn’t have the money for this, but I was lonely and had a mild fetish for waitresses. In my escalating madness, I found their attentive kindness comforting. It didn’t occur to me at the time, that the amount of attention I got from the waitresses was directly proportional to the generosity of my previous tip.
There was one in particular – a pixie-esque Midwestern transplant (everyone in Seattle in the early 90’s was a transplant from somewhere), with short cropped dark hair and tiny features. With the genetic predisposition to compassion of a Midwesterner, she seemed to recognize my loneliness -as well as the extravagance of my tips – and would often sit down with me for a coffee when things were slow. I must have asked her out a dozen times, but it never went beyond coffee in my booth at the OK. I guess desperation just isn’t sexy.
She was enchanted with the California psychedelic dream pop duo Mazzy Star. I hadn’t heard the band, being more into the harder rocking music that was making Seattle famous at the time. But after many a long, lonely morning spent trying to remain relatively sane I began to associate Mazzy Star with my waitress crush. So, whenever I heard Hope Sandoval’s plaintive, languid vocals and Dave Roback’s fuzzy guitar lilting out of the OK Hotel, I knew she was working. And I came to love Mazzy Star, particularly their debut album “She Hangs Brightly”.
She wouldn’t go on a date with me, but she did me one better by introducing me to that album. I found some solace, some serenity, some sanity in Hope Sandoval’s lyrics. Like countless other albums before and since, “She Hangs Brightly” is all about love, particularly lost love, and the sadness. Sandoval’s lyrics, like her voice, are soft, ethereal and dreamy. There is darkness in her songs, but along with that darkness – redemption and hope. For the half a year that had passed since my break-up, I had been listening to angry music. Nine Inch Nails, Alice in Chains, Soundgarden – and thus had been angry, bitter and full of hate. That hate was the root of my madness. The more I listened to “She Hangs Brightly”, the anger started to slip away and for the first time in months, I started to see the world with a modicum of clarity.
That bit of clarity didn’t make things better straightaway. I got out of that cave in Pioneer Square, but I still struggled – emotionally and financially – for a couple of years before fleeing Seattle with my tail between my legs. The waitress is long gone, but Mazzy Star has been with me in the 15 years since. “She Hangs Brightly” is one of those albums that I go to when the going gets rough, one that can bring me down to earth from the opening chords.
All this is prelude to the announcement that Mazzy Star’s Hope Sandoval has a new album coming out. Since the break-up of Mazzy Star in the late 90’s, she has collaborated with bands like The Jesus & Mary Chain, Air, Death in Vegas, The Chemical Brothers, Massive Attack and Bert Jansch.
In 2001, she joined Colm O’Ciosoig of My Bloody Valentine to form Hope Sandoval & the Warm Inventions. The duo’s second LP, “Through the Devil Softly” is due from Nettwerk on September 29.
I haven’t heard the whole album, but the singles I’ve heard are excellent. They mark a progression from Mazzy Star and the 90’s, a maturity that you might expect a decade or so on. Sandoval’s lush voice is still the centerpiece, but O’Ciosoig’s instrumentation takes the music to a different place. Have a listen to “Blanchard”, with its tones of the Irish mountains in which it was recorded. If you like what you hear, preorder “Through the Devil Softly” from Amazon.
If you’re after the older stuff, Mazzy Star’s “She Hangs Brightly” is available from
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Mazzy Star "Halah" [3:16m]: Play Now | Play in Popup | Download
Hope Sandoval and the Warm Inventions "Blanchard" [4:56m]: Play Now | Play in Popup | DownloadPopularity: 11% [?]
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by Jacob
25 Aug 2009 at 00:20
I love these stories about your broken past. I know you probably only have so many stories from this period to go around, but you should start making up stuff that could have happened the stretch out the juicy bits. Heck, even label those stories as fiction. I just like the bitter-sweet nostalgia in your writing when you talk about that. You could turn it into a “based on a true story” book, even.
Jacob´s last blog ..The Progression of the Palate
by SciFi Dad
25 Aug 2009 at 00:21
Dude, I swear that any guy who was of age in the mid-90s had a crush on a tiny girl with dark pixie hair. Seriously. We all did at some point.
SciFi Dad´s last blog ..Sharing
by Jan
25 Aug 2009 at 00:23
Ah, I take it the extra-spicy dinner the other night was not a success?
Jan´s last blog ..Sugar Cookies
by mongoliangirl
25 Aug 2009 at 00:38
“I started to see the world with a modicum of clarity.” And that is all it takes…even if it takes years. It’s a start.
Niiiiiice post. Makes me think of the stuff “we” hear about, “Our feelings follow our focus.”
mongoliangirl´s last blog ..Sister Mamas
by Southern (in)Sanity
25 Aug 2009 at 00:52
Isn’t it amazing how people can come into your life and introduce you to new music? It’s even better when that music serves as a reminder of that person and time.
Hope Sandoval has a great voice. I appreciate the tip on the new album coming out.
by heather
25 Aug 2009 at 01:13
I love Mazzy Star and the Jesus and Mary Chain. ‘Sometimes Always’ is one of those songs that makes everything better. Funny thing, I was a Midwesterner in the early ’90’s; but I was in Minneapolis hanging out at First Avenue seeing a lot of those bands. ‘Alice in Chains’ & ‘Nine Inch Nails’ were more of party music than listen to at home music for me, but, I was a girl.
heather´s last blog ..And it was late in the evening, and the music’s seeping through
by Jud
25 Aug 2009 at 01:16
The UGA background is, well, disturbing. I have kept my counsel but believed that I would have bet on the new addition arriving today, 4 days ahead of schedule.
Dimly lit apartments and small diners? That is very reminiscent of some years of my life. I can recall that the song Fade into You took college radio by storm in the Deep South.
I will seek out this recording. Cheers
Jud´s last blog ..I’m not Fattenin’ no more Frogs for Snakes
by Technobabe
25 Aug 2009 at 01:19
I bought Blanchard at the iTunes store and listened to some of her other work, and I like her voice very much.
Technobabe´s last blog ..I’ll Huff And I’ll Puff And I’ll Blow Your Mailbox Down
by Ginny
25 Aug 2009 at 02:23
It leaves me gutted to think of someone’s son going through life in a warehouse box. I’m just glad I know how the story ends.
A couple of weeks ago, I was sitting at a campfire. My friend had put together an iPod mix for us, and it was a lot of 80s, tending towards hard rock. Then out of nowhere comes a Mazzy Star song. That quiet, soft, gorgeous piece hit me like a ton of bricks, right in the solar plexus. I had forgotten. God her voice is amazing.
Ginny´s last blog ..A Letter to My Child’s Teacher, Whom I Suspect Is a Sadist
by tysdaddy
25 Aug 2009 at 02:37
I have never given Mazzy Star a chance. Heard the name, but I was clinging to the 80’s hair bands back then, and they just weren’t cool enough. But I like the way you write about this album. Perhaps a stop at Best Buy is in order . . .
tysdaddy´s last blog ..Dear Tweakers
by tysdaddy
25 Aug 2009 at 02:37
And I love the new look around your place. Very nice . . .
tysdaddy´s last blog ..Dear Tweakers
by Carolyn Online
25 Aug 2009 at 03:33
Everyone in Seattle is a tad manic and depressed. It’s the rain. Well, and divorces don’t do much for you mood either.
Carolyn Online´s last blog ..If you give Carolyn a Fo-tee.
by chris
25 Aug 2009 at 03:59
I love Mazzy Star and thank you for the heads up on the new stuff. I know you have mixed feelings about these type of pieces but this one really came together and was, I think, one of your most well-edited. I liked the bit of you drifting to the waitress for a bit of human connection during a lonely time. We’ve all had that I think and it’s amazing the people who stick in our memories. This was a good read my friend.
chris´s last blog ..Someone’s Officially a Little Woman Now, Ugh
by chris
25 Aug 2009 at 04:00
Oh, and your bebe’s going to be born on my birthday, the 28th, like she’s supposed to. Cause then she’ll be a virgo, and virgos are nothing if not precise. Good luck to mama, I remember those final days all too well.
chris´s last blog ..Someone’s Officially a Little Woman Now, Ugh
by courtney
25 Aug 2009 at 05:08
You have the most interesting and bittersweet stories, AFM.
I got into Mazzy Star in the ’90s and still go to it when I’m feeling pensive. Thanks for the heads-up on the new album.
courtney´s last blog ..Bye Bye Blogger
by jen
25 Aug 2009 at 05:27
ah, mazzy star. i think they had that effect on everyone. i can’t listen to “fade into you” without thinking about a certain short-lived affair of that time…
jen´s last blog ..the dog days are over
by rassles
25 Aug 2009 at 07:07
I’m so sorry.
Don’t hate.
I can’t stand Mazzy Star. Her voice annoys the crap out of me.
rassles´s last blog ..Thoughtsicles.
by Joe @ IrrationalDad
25 Aug 2009 at 07:47
I love hearing the stories of your past life.
I know for a fact that I have a Mazzy Star song in my collection, but I can’t remember what it is. It has to be on a “Various Artists” album for a soundtrack or something. I’ll have to search for it when I get home this weekend.
Joe @ IrrationalDad´s last blog ..Bubbles
by The Unbearable Baishment
25 Aug 2009 at 10:55
Your crib sounds like a sensory deprivation chamber. Have you ever tried one of those?
Man, I use to love Alice in Chains. Fantastic harmonies. Did you have the Jar of Flies CD with the little plastic flies in the jewel case?
The Unbearable Baishment´s last blog ..Sleeping Beauty
by admin
25 Aug 2009 at 11:00
Jacob – I was thinking of you when I was writing this. Thinking, ‘Jacob will probably like this post.’ Glad you did.
SciFiDad – I know, or more than one.
Jan – Nope. Big fat nope.
Mongola – When I was writing that sentence I was thinking, ‘Mongola will get that one.’ Glad you did. It frightens me slightly that I know these things.
SIS – I’ve just gotten an advance copy of the full length and it is very good.
Heather – I think you Midwesterners either went to Minneapolis or Seattle. And back and forth between the two cities. There were loads of people from the Twin Cities out in Seattle when I was there.
by A Free Man
25 Aug 2009 at 12:11
Jud – You’re an Auburn man, right? I’m lining up guest posters for the season.
Technobabe – Glad. She’s got a wonderul set of pipes. Easy on the eyes too…
Ginny – It was all self-induced. Questionable decision making. It’s not like I’m some poor Kenyan kid who didn’t have options.
Tys – Definitely. I never got into the 80’s hair bands, but this kind of dream pop really turned my crank.
Caroline – It’s true. Gorgeous part of the world, but the weather! Much like England, actually.
Chris – Thanks, glad that you liked it. You may be right about the birth date. Latest news is that Dr. O’C is scheduled for an induction a week Friday, so probably Saturday latest.
Courtney – Thanks. I’ll see if I can wrangle a copy or two from Nettwerk for a giveaway.
Jen – “Fade Into You” is a different kind of song, isn’t it?
A stranger’s light comes on slowly
A stranger’s heart without a home
You put your hands into your head
And then it’s smiles cover your heart
Rassles – You’re allowed to disagree with me. I mean, it’s not encouraged but it’s allowed.
Joe – It’s probably “Fade Into You” and it’s definitely worth finding.
TUB – No on both questions. But I did get to shoot Alice in Chains for a local ‘zine. That was pretty interesting.
A Free Man´s last blog ..Well I think I see another side, maybe just another light that shines
by ZenMom
25 Aug 2009 at 13:04
You tell the best stories. And now I have “Fade into You” on repeat in my skull, though. No a bad thing, I guess. She has a lovely, haunting voice.
ZenMom´s last blog ..Too Darn Hot
by flutter
25 Aug 2009 at 17:29
GOD this was lush.
flutter´s last blog ..Vampires are hot
by ssg
25 Aug 2009 at 19:50
mrC introduced me to mazzy star “fade into you”. i love that song. but will have to check out the first album you mention and the new one. thanks for this
ssg´s last blog ..hello again
by ssg
25 Aug 2009 at 19:54
though, in reference to jen’s comment, sometimes I dont like the song. I guess I wonder about what MrC thinks about when he hears it. But I am a mentalist.
ssg´s last blog ..hello again
by Florida Girl in Sydney
25 Aug 2009 at 20:59
I love Mazzy Star, and I love hearing your old stories.
Florida Girl in Sydney´s last blog ..Sad Days, Bad Days
by Kerry
25 Aug 2009 at 21:59
I think this is the first old story of yours I’ve read since following your blog. You’re a fantastic writer.
P.S. Have you seen the preseaon rankings? Had to take a little stab in exchange for staring at your ugly ass UGA background.
Kerry´s last blog ..Clean Sweep
by Kerry
25 Aug 2009 at 21:59
I think this is the first old story of yours I’ve read since following your blog. You’re a fantastic writer.
P.S. Have you seen the preseason rankings? Had to take a little stab in exchange for staring at your ugly ass UGA background.
Kerry´s last blog ..Clean Sweep
by Allie
25 Aug 2009 at 22:23
It’s amazing how, as you get older, those crazy younger days start to feel like another life, or a movie you watched or something, isn’t it?
Have you listened to Bavarian Fruit Bread – it’s Hope Sandoval and the Warm Inventions – one of my all time favorite albums.
Allie´s last blog ..Ode to Wegmans and Pat Conroy
by arizaphale
25 Aug 2009 at 23:39
I have never heard of Mazzy Star.
Til now.
She reminds me of someone but I can’t put my finger on it…..
As for windowless cells…I didn’t believe in any of that until I lived in the UK. Lack of sunlight really DOES do your head in.
arizaphale´s last blog ..Sweatshop
by ohthatgirl
26 Aug 2009 at 00:40
Really nice post. I enjoy your stories from the past the most…
ohthatgirl´s last blog ..my life is lacking relationship fruits and veggies
by Jud
26 Aug 2009 at 10:36
Say it with me (you know you want to) “It’s great to be an Auburn Tiger!”
Or we got do some cheers, like Track’em Tigers, or Bodagetta. Or sing War Eagle Fly Down the Field, or perhaps even the Tiger Rag.
Yep, not long until college football.
P.S. I hope your Bulldogs beat the Gators. Severely. So badly that Tebow and many Gator fans need therapy.
Jud´s last blog ..What Kind of Bird is That?
by admin
26 Aug 2009 at 11:49
ZenMom – You could have worse songs stuck in your head!
Flutter – Thanks!
SSG – Don’t be paranoid. Even if it reminds him of someone else, it probably makes him think of you now.
FGIS – Thanks
Kerry – Do you remember who was #1 in last year’s preseason poll? Do you recall how that worked out? I’m sure you at least remember a Saturday in October in the Gator Bowl. Point is, preseason #1 isn’t anything like end of season #1.
God, I hate Gator fans.
Allie – I haven’t heard their first album, may have to run it down. Thanks for the tip.
Arizaphale – The UK and the Pacific Northwest have pretty much the same weather.
Oh That Girl – Thanks!
Jud – Me too, but it seems unlikely. It will be good to take our fourth straight from the Tiggers, though.
by muskrat
26 Aug 2009 at 12:47
In the early ’90s, I was in highschool and listened to music from the city where you were living after you’d probably moved on to other bands. Of course, you’re old as balls, and I’m not.
No new baby yet? Hope y’all are doing okay (namely, the Mrs).
When did you add the G’s on the wallpaper? I just noticed them last week. Probably b/c it’s usually 11pm when I read blogs.
muskrat´s last blog ..“summer clearance” is supposed to mean a bargain, not my daughter’s stage name
by sarala
27 Aug 2009 at 02:05
Never heard of the group. I’ll have to check it out on i-tunes.
So is your baby due any day now? What anticipation. I guess we won’t hear from you much in the aftermath. Good luck to you and all that jazz.
S
sarala´s last blog ..Not blogging much and more
by Jud
27 Aug 2009 at 11:51
Please tell your spouse to have the dang baby already and end the suspense. I think I speak for most of your readers that we are ready to gush and coo over pictures of the baby. So, as they say in the hood, bring it.
Jud´s last blog ..The Perfect Slice
by Southern (in)Sanity
27 Aug 2009 at 15:06
An advance copy of the full length, huh? Well, based on that, I shall be buying it as soon as it is available.
by admin
27 Aug 2009 at 15:53
Muskrat – I am old as balls. Added the G’s last week. I’m glad we don’t have to play Bama this year. It’s tough enough as it is.
Sarala – The baby is dragging its feet.
Jud – I think we’d both be happy to comply.
SIS – It’s very good.
by Agnes
27 Aug 2009 at 18:10
That baby better get moving – you’ve only got 6 hours to make me a winner!
Agnes´s last blog ..Incoming: The Loops + Greenland Is Melting
by admin
28 Aug 2009 at 10:40
Agnes – No chance.
by Coal Miner's Granddaughter
28 Aug 2009 at 10:52
I never had a crush on a girl with short, pixie hair. But I did have a crush on Jon Bon Jovi. Gad, I needed a life.
Coal Miner’s Granddaughter´s last blog ..Accidental Projectiles
by Danielle
03 Sep 2009 at 23:15
ok I don’t know if you get updates when someone comments, so this might be lost in the abyss but in any case, I looked up Mazzy Star after reading this post and listened to “fade into you” which was pretty good. Then I heard it on the radio the other night and was like OMG, so I had to go back through your last like 10 posts to find the name of this chick haha. and now I might download (and pay for, ugh) her CD. thanks
by blues
04 Sep 2009 at 05:54
Your storytelling is so visual, I feel like I was sitting in that dark room with no windows and at the OK across the room watching you two having coffee. Great post.
blues´s last blog ..I almost got you a keychain