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I’ve occasionally wondered what happens to that creepy baby widget to the left when its counter reaches 0. Does it start counting up? Does the baby disappear, being delivered happily into the ether? Does the ghoulish little fetus start pointing and laughing in the style of Nelson Muntz? Mocking the optimistic sucker who bought the ‘40 week gestation’ line?
It looks like we’re going to find out.
The take home message of Dr. O’C’s latest midwife appointment was, in essence, ‘don’t hold your breath’. Barring any unexpected activity in the next 24 hours, we’re going to trudge past Friday’s ‘due date’ without a hint of labour. A Free Fetus seems a bit too comfortable up in there. The good news for exhausted pregnant woman is that they won’t let you go too far over your due date down here. If we’re still baby-less next Friday afternoon, Dr. O’C will be induced. Which means that, even if hormonally dragged – kicking and screaming – he/she will make a long awaited appearance by next weekend at the latest – Saturday or Sunday.
On college football’s opening weekend. Saturday or Sunday.
Those of you with a Y chromosome (and yes, some without) in the American South or Midwest know what I’m saying here.
I mean I’m an enlightened, liberal, educated sort of 21st century guy, but college football Saturdays are sacrosanct. And clearly Dr. O’C and the midwives didn’t consider my personal sabbath in their calculations. My beloved Georgia Bulldogs kick off their season in Stillwater, Oklahoma on Saturday afternoon (2:00 a.m. Sunday Adelaide time). This means that instead of being planted cozily in front of the computer listening to the radio broadcast of the game I could be fannying about in a delivery room at the hospital. Missing the season opener.
I think it’s time for our first father/son or daughter talk, A Free Fetus.
I know it’s all cozy and warm up there in your mother’s uterus. I know that Spring hasn’t really sprung and the house is drafty and a bit damp. I know that you’re going to be pretty constantly tortured and harassed by your older brother. I feel you. I know you’ve got little incentive to make that trip down the birth canal. Hell, I’m a lazy fellow, I get it. I’d stay up there too.
I know these things. But, you see, it’s fixin’ to be football season. And for a few months that means that your Papa is going to be busy on Saturday nights/early Sunday mornings. In some ways, it’s good for you. When you can’t sleep on the weekend, we’ll leave your mother in bed. You can sit up with me and listen to men with strange accents over a crackling internet connection talk about lines of scrimmage, momentum, defensive formations and hobnail boots.
This first one – it’s a proper game, little one. It’s a big game, against a tough opponent, on the road and will likely set the tone for the rest of the season. We’re not like the despicable Florida Gators – opening the season against a school that was a women’s community college until a couple of years ago.
What I’m saying to you, A Free Fetus, is that I need you to get it in gear and come on out of there before next Saturday.*
Thanks.
UPDATE
The creepy pregnancy widget is gone because it was starting to count up. Which is depressing.
——————————
* That being said, Sunday is Father’s Day in Australia so I guess a new baby would be a pretty good Father’s Day present. However, not a one of you picked the 5th or 6th of September so you should all be pulling for an early delivery.
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Daughter #2 was delivered C-section and gave the doctors a terrible time. She would twist and squirm trying to avoid their grasp but eventually they prevailed. At least, that’s what I heard. I was in the room but had my eyes closed the whole time.
The Unbearable Baishment´s last blog ..Some get a kick from censorship
It doesn’t matter what day they are born on, you’ll find some connection to something else. For both of my kids, it was easy: my daughter was born on my FIL’s birthday (just under the wire, at 10.24pm) and my son had his C-section scheduled by the OB on my sister’s birthday.
Plus, it’s not like you’re not going to miss a season opener or another game in the future for a birthday party, right? They way I see it, you brought it upon yourself by getting her pregnant back in December. What were you thinking?
SciFi Dad´s last blog ..Teething
He has a point.
Pleased to see I’m still in the running. You WILL text me if anything happens won’t you???
arizaphale´s last blog ..Sweatshop
This is getting exciting, you will be holding your new child very soon. And boy or girl, that child will grow up learning about sports. Sounds good to me.
Technobabe´s last blog ..My, How Time Flies
So, Hellbilly has this big-ish sign on the wall beside football watching chair that says, “Chiefs Fan Parking Only.” It matches NOTHING when it comes to my fabulous decorating. Maybe they would let you have a sign in the delivery room? You should have one of your little contests to see what, exactly, the sign would say.
Mongoliangirl´s last blog ..She said, “That makes me want to stab you in the fuckin’ face.”
Thai food did it for me. Another suggestion: almond oil when the baby in crowning. Hope it goes well.
As for your search bar that prompts: what are you looking for? I typed in “a single man” and it came up with nada. Work on that, willya?
prefers her fantasy life´s last blog ..How I Spent My Midlife Crisis…I Mean, Summer Vacation
The 1st wedding date that BFF picked was ruled out by the priest because that was the Mississippi State/Ole Miss game day. That would be like getting married the last weekend in October when Georgia and the despicable Florida Gators play.
The 6th is a good day to be born. It’s Yankee’s birthday.
Cat´s last blog ..Cat and Yankee: A Love Story: 7 Seconds
It’s about time UGA started the season with a real team. Georgia Southern and Central Michigan last year. Western Kentucky in 2006. I’ll give them a pass on Boise State in 2005 because that was a real team despite being a mid-major. Georgia Southern again in 2004. In 2003 they started with Clemson but followed up with Middle Tennessee.
I’ll give them credit this year, though. The only joke game is Tennessee Tech toward the end of the season. It’s not a USC-level schedule, but you can now talk smack against anyone else in the SEC. Tech does start off with Jacksonville State, but the rest of the schedule is all ACC and SEC.
Jacob´s last blog ..Reasons Why I Hate the Future
I can’t believe that it is time already! I also can’t wait to see what that widget does. I know gushing is chicky, but hurray.
As for the football, you are pretty much guaranteed that that is the delivery date. My niece was born when CC Saabthia pitched a perfect game. My sister was kind enough to have the game on and Sofie almost had the middle name CeeCee.
We are UW Madison Badger fans over here.
heather´s last blog ..Small Treasures
I was amused by this post until that low blow! Speaking of missing out on football for life-altering events, I’ll be arriving in Sydney during the FL/GA game. I considered moving my departure date so I could attend the game, first one I haven’t been at in 5 years!
Hahaha! You said “up in there.” You better watch out. With slang like that and the obsession for football, people will think you’re regressing.
Jeff is SO ready for the season to start. He freaked out when I booked Grant’s party venue without checking game times. After all these years, you would think I would remember things like that! Luckily, it’s on the day of the Arkansas game, so it will be over long before game time. He keeps harassing me about getting Dooley’s jersey ordered in time for the first game!
Anyway, I feel for Dr. O’C. For her sake I hope the little one comes sooner rather than later! Best wishes for delivery day!
Jessica K´s last blog ..Here a Jedi, There a Jedi, Everywhere a Jedi!
If the baby is born next Saturday, just consider it your first Father’s day gift – sparing you from listening to Georgia get beat by a bunch of illiterate Okies. And how dare you cast aspersion on UF’s non-conference schedule: Charleston Southern, Troy, Florida International!!! What a fine collection of football powerhouses. Who do you expect us to play, Utah State?
Totally with you here! I get a pass on bath time duty when the Tide is on ESPN Saturday night! Can’t wait to see us smack down some Hokie ass just 3 miles from my house in the GA Dome in a few days.
muskrat´s last blog ..social media is for losing friends and offending people
Not to mention the Arch Rivalry game between Mizzou and Illinois! I always love how you mix in your English/Australian vernacular (laboUr, for example), but then follow that up with a good ol’ boy phrase like “it’s fixin’ to be football season”. Here’s to hoping that A Free Fetus makes his/her arrival by midweek…in time for you to be home and enjoy the season opener with Z and the new one!
On the day girl child came into this world, there was the merest whisper of a rumor that Owen’s fave team might be acquiring a player he liked. Other couples, waiting for actual delivery, talked to each other, the husbands rubbed the wives’ backs. My husband read the sports section, all the while working out possible scenarios whereby they could actually land this guy. Out loud. Like I cared.
Men.
Ginny´s last blog ..A Letter to My Child’s Teacher, Whom I Suspect Is a Sadist
I love how everyone talks about being pregnant 9 months when it can easily amount to 42 weeks which is about 10 1/2 months.
And seriously, watch the nipple stimulation. I was so out of my mind bored and big that about a day after my “due” date, I tweaked my nips all day long hoping to force the bebe out. All it did was land me in the hospital with giant painful contractions that did nothing to dilate or push anything forward.
Yes I just talked about nipple self stimulation on your blog, what, do you think I’m going to talk about it on mine?
chris´s last blog ..Someone’s Officially a Little Woman Now, Ugh
Well, I kinda have to side with SFD on this one. Plan ahead next time, Boy Scout.
Seriously, I hope A Free Fetus makes his or her appearance sooner rather than later. I think I mentioned that threatening both of mine with forced extraction seems to have been what set off the labor both times. So, maybe try ’splaining to The Littlest Free that things are more fun for everyone when you to choose relocate rather than being evicted.
Best!
ZenMom´s last blog ..Music has charms to soothe a savage breast
Good luck and Go DAWGS! If it goes as long as next Saturday (in the States), I’ll toast you in Stillwater.
Bulldog in Exile´s last blog ..Nah, We’re Just After Some Good Football
No fair, you never said induction was an option, my 8th September stands.
Xbox4NappyRash´s last blog ..Secrets – Part One
Seriously, A Free Fetus. Considering half your DNA is that of a football-lover, you could at least be a little courteous and show yourself either before or after Saturday. How rude.
courtney´s last blog ..You Can’t Take A Picture of This. It’s Already Gone.
freakily enough, i can totally understand this sentiment. i don’t follow college football, but if it coincided with the Patriots v. Colts…
jen´s last blog ..in our dreams, we can live on misbehaviour
Well, if I had any doubts you were a Southern Boy, they were just removed by the phrase “it’s fixin’ to be football season.”
I’m rather surprised they’ll induce her so soon, what with y’all’s enlightened nationalized health care and all. Babies tend to work on their own schedules, and stayin’ in the jacuzzi for a couple of “extra” days won’t hurt him/her a bit.
Jan´s last blog ..Blackened Ahi with Mango Salsa
Y chromosome my ass…you’ve been gone too long if you’ve forgotten how much we Southern girls love our football. Whooo hoooo! Rocky Top!!!!!!!!!
Here In Franklin´s last blog ..I’m A Prize Winning Dork
Dear AFM,
I sincerely apologise for the potential inconvenience of missing the opening georgia game for the birth of your second child. I did however have you print out your calendar before I booked the induction date and saw no reference to the Georgia game in there. Perhaps if you kept a more accurate calendar this mistake could be avoided in the future.
Kind regards,
Dr O’C.
PS Even if this baby is a boy there is never going to be a next time. Pregnancy is WAY overrated. We are stopping at two!
Too bad you couldn’t watch it in the delivery room. But, the hospital probably doesn’t get that channel. And Dr. O’C’s uterus would probably choke you if you did. You should hit the record button and I promise/pinky-swear to not tell you the outcome.
Coal Miner’s Granddaughter´s last blog ..Accidental Projectiles
TUB – Keeping eyes closed is a good idea for a normal delivery as well.
SciFiDad – I did plan. I said to myself, “Self, if we get pregnant now, the baby will be born well before football season.” I just didn’t account for lazy progeny.
Ariza – Sure will. We expect a visit in hospital!
Technobabe – Soon is a relative term. Soon would be this afternoon. Next Saturday is not soon when you’ve been waiting for 9 months.
Mongola – I think that is an excellent idea.
Prefers – There’s no reference to ’single men’ on my blog? Inconceivable.
Cat – It was ruled out by the PRIEST? The Egg Bowl? That’s typically the Battle of Who Could Care Less.
Jacob – Central Michigan was supposed to be a good team. They were meant to mimic the spread offense that we were going to see with Florida and some other teams. Not so much, but not Georgia’s fault. Richt has been pushing for a stronger schedule and it looks like he got what he wanted this year.
Heather – My guess is that it just sits there spinning stupidly and saying 0 until I take it down.
Kerry – How is it a low blow? You do schedule cupcakes. I mean, you won’t even play Miami anymore. I’m just saying. It’s probably best that you’ll be in the air for The Cocktail Party, because I think the rest of the college football world will rejoice with Georgia takes the Gators out of the running for another championship. No sense shedding tears in real time.
JK – What about my sake?
Jamie – What is Florida International anyway? I mean, I grew up in Florida and never heard of Florida International University (College? Community College? High School?)Did Nova University change their name? That’s a serious question, not just casting aspersions on Florida’s ’schedule’.
Muskrat – I’m curious to see what Satan and the Tide have this year. Was last season a blip or the real thing.
Jason – I’ve had to start spelling in the Commonwealth way for work and things are starting to get mixed up. Mizzou is most likely going to suck (more) this year, I suspect.
I totally understand. Football players are gods and football is our religion. I’ll be watching the game and hoping you are as well.
Beth´s last blog ..Dear Special Education Director
Ginny – He was probably just trying to distract you from the pain. Very thoughtful.
Chris – Dude, what is all this talk about nipple stimulation. Seriously. Pineapple was a euphemism for sex, but come on!
ZenMom – Maybe I should explain what the doctor did to his/her brother when he had to be induced.
Bulldog – Please do. I’m jealous that you’re getting to go to the game.
Xbox – You may very well be the closest person.
Courtney – No shit. Little bastard.
Jen – That’s because you’re from up north where NFL is king. Until the late 80’s there was only one NFL team between Dallas and Washington. And they sucked.
Jan – We could have waited longer, but I think Dr. O’C is ready. Overready.
HIF – Well said. I threw in a disclaimer.
Dr. O’C – ‘Georgia’ is capitalized. Like ‘God’.
CMGD – We don’t get ANY college football on TV. Internet radio. I’ve actually become fond of listening to the games.
I felt kind of bad for you until I saw Dr. O’C’s comment. Dude, if it wasn’t on the calendar, it is TOTALLY your fault. That is a hard lesson I have had to learn.
NATUI´s last blog ..Leaving the Terrible Twos Behind
SEX! Bow chicca wow wow!
Also? Shopping. I remember the day I had Brenna I did grocery shopping, went to the DIY store. Chased my son around.
I was in hospital by 13h. Baby delivered by 17h.
JChevais´s last blog ..The Audacity
But Central Michigan is a MAC team. Scheduling any mid-major team other than Boise State, Utah, Brigham Young (during a good year) is pretty much signing up for a free win. Even good MAC teams get rolled over by the top-tier schools.
Jacob´s last blog ..The South’s Finest Coffee My Ass
Florida International is the state school down in Miami. Their largest major used to be hotel management. I assume followed by money laundering 101. And hey, we played Miami last year and we play Miami again next year (OK – it is Miami of Ohio, but close enough, right?). Florida’s non-conference schedule really is a joke this year (outside of FSU), they will (or at least should) not be able to lose a game this year and still play for a national championship. I mean did you see the crap team they are playing on October 31?
Can’t you use a DVR or something to record it and make sure that no one let’s you know how it turned out? I mean, how many people down under are going to be watching Georgia/Oklahoma anyway?
Well that creepy widget is a 0 now, so I guess your answer will soon come, as will the new little one.
I hope all goes very smooth for you all.
SeattleDad´s last blog ..A Timeless Debate
Why has the widget gone from 0 days back to 1 day?
Agnes´s last blog ..I know what it’s like to be floating along
Mate. MATE!!!
I’m thinking of you guys, wishing you a wonderful, magical time. You go down into the Underworld, when a baby is born. See you on the other side.
XOXOXOX
edenland´s last blog ..A Guest Post from Rocco, entitled "Motherducker."
OK, apparently what the widget does it start counting up. I think I may get rid of it because that will annoy me. Dr. O’C claims that yesterday the ghoul baby disappeared, but I didn’t see that happen.
NATUI – I only started using a calendar like a month ago when I realized my memory isn’t what it used to be, so it’s hardly 100% accurate.
JChev – We’ll have to get past Dr. O’C'c sinus infection first.
Jacob – True, but at least they’re Div 1-A (or whatever it’s called these days).
Jamie – Is that where the 9-11 bombers learned to fly? I predict that someone is going to upset the Gators this year and ruin their season. And I think Halloween is a good day for an upset.
Seattle – We don’t get much college football on the TV down here.
Agnes – Because it sucks.
Eden – Thanks.
I’ve got to laugh, Saturday is my daughter’s birthday. I didn’t realise it was a big deal!
I hope the little one makes an appearance between now and then. Tonight even.
Veronica´s last blog ..Daffodil Day
You jinxed it dude. I told Tyler to hurry up…. the only thing he hurried up and did was wait.
Good luck. I’m sure I’ll be watching the game, even if you aren’t.
Joe´s last blog ..Wordless Wednesday v. Spaghetti Night
Dear, dear, dear…
I’d encourage you to get over it all and it’s just a game and blah, blah, blah, EXCEPT my boy’s birth interrupted a great New Year’s Eve family tradition the year he was born, so I do know how it is.
Here’s to a happy, healthy new baby in the near future (or already for all I know).
Jill/Twipply Skwood´s last blog ..Jesus Hates Your Kitten
The widget is gone before the little guy even showed up? That’s too bad. Hoping you have a bigger family very very soon!
Allie´s last blog ..I think I might be done with gardening. Sort of. Maybe.
Our kid was induced early. It’s nice to set an appointment for those sorts of things. It’s much more civilized. But we did it on Tuesday. Scheduling a delivery for a Saturday is just wrong.
Oh, and To Hell With Georgia.
Had to get that out of my system early.
yellojkt´s last blog ..Lost In Columbia
It’s a good thing you’re joking here, you are joking right?
April´s last blog ..How does your garden grow?
My husband was on his cell phone making his fantasy football draft picks during my entire labor. I was too drugged up to be mad about it. On another note, I can’t believe they are going to let your wife wait a whole week after her due date before they induce. My OB was going to induce me the day BEFORE my due date but I ended up going into labor that day on my own. Your poor wife…at least its not summer where you are. My daughter’s birthday is today, so I was in my last trimester during a very hot summer. It sucked! Anyway, I really hope your wife goes into labor soon – for your sake and hers!
Gwen Jackson´s last blog ..Aliens
One more thing – I was so desperate to have my baby that I was willing to try anything to induce my labor. I’d heard that having sex can trigger labor, so I had sex and went into labor a few hours later. I really think the sex triggered my labor. So if you’re both anxious…maybe give it a try
Gwen Jackson´s last blog ..Aliens
I’m not a college football fan, but this made me giggle. A lot.
velocibadgergirl´s last blog ..