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Allie
I am tired. I know, I know. Cue violins for poor Chris. We’re all tired. Life is tiring. But seriously, I am tired. This Not Max does not sleep. At least not during the prime sleeping hours of 11 p.m. – 5 a.m. And it doesn’t seem to be getting better. Last night was the worst, I was up twice half dozing through two full episodes of season 1 of the West Wing between 1:30 and 5. I know that I said I like these wee hours bonding sessions, and I do, but I could really use some sleep right now.
I realized this afternoon, after I lay down on the floor of my office to attempt a 15 minute power nap, that a week of disrupted sleep is beginning to induce the physical symptoms of sleep deprivation. My brain is just not firing on all cylinders. I find myself losing my train of thought. Find, in fact, that the train is hurtling right off the tracks. On Tuesday, I spent a good quarter hour of my lecture on a rambling corollary about robot slaves. Much to my students’ consternation. Then, while introducing a practical yesterday, I was happily lecturing away:
“So, restriction endonucleases don’t have a preference for the source of the DNA. In other words, we can cut DNA from any organism. Prokaryotes, eukaryotes. Yeast, mice, humans, pigs. Thus, could allow us to make pig/human hybrids. If we were so inclined. And robots…”
Long pause.
“Sorry guys, what am I talking about?”
And irritability. When none of my thoroughly confused students were able to explain what it was that I was talking about, I went on an extended rant in which I explained that there was really no point in me standing up here talking to them if none of them were going to pay attention. In fact, that I could think of about 19 things I would rather be doing then talking to them about something that I couldn’t remember. Damn it.
I may also be starting to hallucinate. It is like I’m seeing through a crystalline filter. Everything is hyperreal and increasingly I’m beginning to catch glimpses of motion in my peripheral vision. Which means, that I spend a lot of my day walking around campus, muttering to myself about obtuse students, yawning and occasionally whipping my head in one direction or another and assuming a defensive stance to prepare for the samurai attacking me from my flank. Or the robots.
Sorry guys, what am I talking about?
I had a friend back in Oxford who used to say, whenever I complained to him about something, “it will pass, Chris, it will pass.” It’s a good thing he’s not here right now because I’m pretty sure I would bite his ear off. He also used to say “nobody ever died from lack of sleep.” I’m pretty sure that isn’t true. I can personally imagine about 27 different ways I could die from lack of sleep:
- Falling downstairs while getting up for the 37th time with screaming Not Max.
- Walking out in front of a bus after failing to notice colour of stop light.
- Falling asleep whilst driving to the shop for more coffee.
- Lighting self on fire while lighting fire to keep warm after getting up for the 37th time with screaming Not Max.
- Mistaking red back spider for toothbrush.
- Being stabbed in the throat by your partner after refusing to wake up to deal with crying baby.*
- Samurai robots.
OK, that’s only seven, but I think I’ve made my point.
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It’s a Frank Turner week here at A Free Man. The track that inspired the title of this post is from Turner’s debut “Sleep is for the Week” (
). I’ve had more of a chance to listen to his latest, “Poetry of the Deed” and it really is quite good. Turner comes back with his socially conscious lyrics, a la Billy Bragg, but with a biting sense of humor. He’s really starting to come into his own as a musician and the new one has a more mature and confident sound. Have a listen to ‘The Road’ from his new one and if you like it buy ‘Poetry of the Deed’ from . No, seriously, buy it from iTunes or I’m going to keep talking about robots.
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* This is more conceivable than you may think. I don’t think Boy Z slept through the night until we got to Australia when he was about seven months old. His Mum and I were at the frayed ends of our tethers. On the trip over we stayed for a while at her sister’s house in Sweden – with Boy Z in the same room. We nearly came to blows about who was going to deal with him in the middle of the night.
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Image credit:
Dawg gear courtesy of Heather, but more on that later…
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I hope you make it through without succumbing to the sharp end of a knife or some attack robots. We would miss you around here.
Cat´s last blog ..Pay Back is Hell
Do you mean to say that I could have saved a pile of cash on marijuana and hallucinogens when I was younger merely by staying awake? Now you tell me!
The Unbearable Banishment´s last blog ..Insult + injury
Awwww matey. Welcome to my life. And I don’t even HAVE a new baby!!!! I have been known to fall asleep mid sentence in class. No. Really.
Seriously though. Can we help you out at all? Hell, I could even sleep on your couch and take shifts. And have you thought of just putting him in bed with you? Now don’t look all affronted at me! I used to ‘plug the BA in’ in the middle of the night and go back to sleep. She fed happily and went to sleep and I…..went to sleep. Win- win. This idea that you might roll on them and suffocate them is an urban myth. Cultures which practice co-sleeping apparently have no incidence of SIDS.Unless very drunk, most of us have an in built radar when it comes to babies and we do not generally roll onto them. Anyway, It’s just an idea. Maybe stick to the robots. I dunno. Your call. mwah to you all
Best. Post. Ever! It’s a great mix of funny, and holy-shit-chris-is-cracking.
I’ve got $100 that says your students are taking bets on your losing your mind in the near future…. And I’m taking the under.
I miss one night of sleep and I am nuts. I cannot remember the new baby up all night always zoned out tired times, it has been so long ago now. Feel for you and the Mrs and some day you can laugh about it. Don’t you just hate it when someone says that?
Technobabe´s last blog ..Let Me Entertain You
This is why my first child is my last. I have trouble getting enough sleep to keep firing on all cylinders when I’m in bed by 10 p.m. and up around 6 a.m. I can’t deal with another 10 or more months of being awakened every 2-4 hours every night. I honestly have no idea how people who have to work with an infant in the house do it. We were lucky enough to have two months off when my little one was new and by the time school started he was up to 3 or 4 hours straight at night so we could time it to only have to get up once.
I know when I start getting overly tired, I start forgetting simple vocabulary (like “walk”, “food”, and “I’m choking.”) There were a few times in college when I was so tired that I’d be working in the newspaper office, someone would close a filing cabinet a little loudly, and I’d literally scream.
I do like the fact that sleep deprivation is expressed through an obsession with robots with you. That’s actually kind of charming.
But that guy who said no one ever died of lack of sleep is a damned dirty liar. Not only the type of things you mentioned, but in studies, if you wake up a cat every time it starts to got into REM, it actually dies much more quickly than when you just don’t let it sleep at all. In other words, your infant could be murdering you if it’s waking you up out of REM sleep each time.
And does Australia still have “Pull Over, Noddy” billboards? I remember seeing the sleepy driver and those words all around the highways in Sydney back in ‘98, along with ads for Massive Attack’s Mezzanine album on every bus stop.
Jacob´s last blog ..Crack is Whack, but Heroin is Something Good that Rhymes with Heroin
Miserable! I’m glad I don’t have to “perform” every day like you do. And I can often request an continuance if I have a performance coming up and don’t feel like I’m going to be adequately rested or prepared. Hope the little one starts sleeping longer soon…
muskrat´s last blog ..is it just me, or is this guy an asshole?
Neither of our kids were great sleepers. At 11 months, my son still wakes up 2-4 times a night to nurse. Fortunately, I am a heavy sleeper, and after the first call my wife stays in the nursery with him (we have a twin bed in there).
But still there are nights (like earlier this week in fact) where I hear him screaming through my fog (and the fan we use to drown him out) and I end up taking him into the big bed with me because he won’t settle for my wife.
SciFi Dad´s last blog ..Hard To Explain
I lived in that state for the last two years. If you sleep in the office and you should LOCK the door and sleep somewhere that you can’t be seen from the window.
I also co-slept and everybody made it out alive. I got far more sleep with baby 2 a.k.a. Doodle.
Good luck.
heather´s last blog ..I Do Not Wish to Forgive Your Trespasses
Oh Chris, You’d look quite at home walking around Berzerkeley muttering about robots in your current sleep-deprived state. We had that in the very beginning, and the baby was starving me to death. Every time I’d sit down to eat, she’d start wailing inconsolably until I nursed her. One day I was taking a shower, a rare treat, when I noticed that my hands were shaking so violently I couldn’t wash my hair. I’d had about 5 hours sleep in a 72 hour period. They tell you to sleep when the baby sleeps, but they’re lying bastards. I couldn’t sleep when Jocelyn slept because every little noise she made in her sleep woke me filled with dread that she was suffocating or choking to death. I eventually got over that, and she eventually got into a very well defined circadian rhythm. Now we have to struggle to keep her up until 7pm.
Best of luck, and watch out for those robots.
April´s last blog ..For Your Viewing Pleasure
Co-sleeping. It is the only way I made it through the first few months with each of my kids. We all got pretty reasonable sleep.
We co-slept with Izzy too, it helped, and much to my surprise, she transitioned to crib easily. I feel for you Chris. Just reading about how you’re feeling makes me anxious because I still remember clearly how it felt to be woken up when you are desperately trying to catch enough zzzzs just to function.
Don’t bite my ear off, but it does get better and if you have the opportunity with a friend, ask for help. I know it’s not always easy to sleep on command, especially if you have been dosing with coffee to keep awake but a few uninterrupted hours can go a long way.
BTW, I cannot believe how much notmax looks like z!!
chris´s last blog ..Revenge: A Dish Best Served With Sad Puppy Eyes
Walking around mumbling, half-dazed, complaining about students, rampant paranoia – that sounds like most of the college professors I know. And since I am a bastard, I will suggest an alternative song lyric-inspired title:
“Don’t forget folks, that’s what you get folks, for making whoppee.”
You need to teach the dog to deal with this kid at night.
Yeesh. Does your university offer paternity leave? Because it sounds like you could use it.
Let’s hope Not Max doesn’t follow in Boy Z’s footsteps and starts sleeping through the night way before 7 months.
courtney´s last blog ..Tourist + Moron = Touron
Oh man. I am so sorry. Yes, I know we all go through it, and it’s to be expected, and blah blah fricking BLAH, but the fact is, it’s happening to YOU right now, and I’m sorry.
(The Girl would not take a bottle, nor would she sleep for more than two hours at a time until I left her with my husband for a weekend. To get my tubes tied.)
Ginny´s last blog ..Je Parle Sitcom (Or, Sprechen Sie 80’s Half-Hour Comedy?)
not a very comforting thought, but people have actually died from lack of sleep. I’m sure you won’t, though! even if it feels like it right now.
jen´s last blog ..though our parts are slightly used
Oh me, oh my. The things we do for love. I never felt right about Jeff getting up with the boys in the night, since I was home and he had to function at a job all day. If worse came to worst, I could just watch boys and tv in a stupor all day. I like to pretend that didn’t happen very often…
My sleep deprivation lately has come in the form of SWINE FLU! Seriously. Our whole church had it. I guess we could be called the Porky Presbyterians… get it? get it? nevermind.
Jessica K´s last blog ..Oh, The Little Things That Make Life So Sweet
I completely understand the peripheral vision thing. I swear after Emily every time I went to take a shower I would get startled because I was convinced a giant bug had landed on the back of my shoulder and I was catching a glimpse of it in the mirror. Strangely enough, no giant bugs (or killer robots), just the same tattoo every time.
It does get better.
Muttering about students is normal professor stuff, sleep deprived or not. Looks like the kids late nights will work out perfect for this weekend when the Dawgs are chewing on the chicken bones.
There is nothing worse than sleep deprivation:/ Hope not Max gets on the right ‘clock’ soon.
suzer´s last blog ..PC or not to be…PC
He, I can relate to that. My first slept through the night at six weeks like a champ. Still sleeps like the dead through everything…even his sister’s screaming. Which brings me to number two. She slept great for about six months and then for 18 months…I don’t think I’ve recovered yet. She would wake anywhere from 4-7 time s night. No matter what we tried she just didn’t sleep. I think whenever I got more than three hours sleep at a time I got a headache because I wasn’t used to it.
She’s three now and sleeps fairly well. It also helps the master bedroom is on the first floor and her room is on the second
I hope you get sleep soon. I will never ever underestimate how very vital sleep is again.
Thanks for stopping by my blog!
Blogging Mama Andrea´s last blog ..I’m getting political: The Big Healthcare Speech
there is weird thing about exhaustion: it’s starts to feel normal.
wait.for.it. a new normal will come.
your babies? oh dude… lovely.
ms picket to you´s last blog ..I Think He’s Deepak Chopra
I like to look at it as a pendulum, with the amount of time spent screaming and fussing at night promising equal relief once the pendulum swings the other direction. It helps staunch the parental tears in the middle of the night.
NATUI´s last blog ..Cement Shoes of the Worst Kind
Cat – Thanks!
TUB – Yep. Pretty much the same thing.
Arizaphale – Well I managed 7 hours last night, so I guess the rant worked. As for co-sleeping, I’m not sure about that. It’s not the crushing the baby thing, it’s the getting rid of them when they’re older.
Joe – You may be right on the bets.
Technobabe – Well, since I forgot this from last time, I suspect that even if we don’t laugh about it we will forget it.
Jacob – I forget words as well. Which makes writing pretty hard. I’m struggling to come up with something to say about the Georgia-SC game this weekend right now. I think if I hadn’t forgotten what life with a newborn is like, we probably wouldn’t have had one.
Muskrat – We’ve got a two week teaching break that starts in 7 days. Not that I’m counting…
I can barely keep my eyes open. pleh.
flutter´s last blog ..Blizzard
And I was going to say on your last lack of sleep post that mine didn’t sleep thru the night until they were 8mos. and 2 yrs.– but I didn’t want to make you feel worse- but now that I know about baby Z– well, good luck with all that.
Are you still coming to Sydney? I’m having a Thanksgiving party Nov 28…
Florida Girl in Sydney´s last blog ..Big Daddy
Scifi – My sympathies, man. 11 months and separate beds is like my worst case scenario.
Heather – I need a pillow in the office.
April – I think Dr. O’C is having the problem with the noises when he sleeps. Me? Unless it’s a full powered scream, I’ll sleep through it.
NS – Neither of us are fans.
Chris – I know, they could be twins! I don’t sleep well during the day. But if things get bad enough, I suspect that I will find a way…
Jamie – True. We’re an odd lot. What girls school are the Gators playing this weekend?
Nathan – Not a bad idea. Not a bad idea at all.
Courtney – I’ve got some leave, but I need to wait til the teaching break to take it.
Ginny – Your comment made me laugh. Which is a good thing.
Jen – Thanks. Just what I needed to hear.
JK – We do have a deal in terms of night waking, but sometimes I have to give Dr. O’C a break. It’s too much for one person. Sorry about the swine flu! Everyone OK?
Chris – Glad to hear that I’m not the only one!
Tom – Actually, it’s a night game so it won’t start until about 8:30 a.m. on Sunday. But normally yeah, I don’t mind doing the wake ups on Sunday morning.
Suzer – Fingers crossed.
Andrea – We dealt with that with our older one for a long time as well. It’s just been recently that he started sleeping regularly through the night. And now….
Ms Picket – I know. I just hate change. Especially without sleep.
NATUI – I like the analogy!
The PC term is “Women’s College” thank you very much. And the Gators are playing football powerhouse Troy (formerly the Troy Institute for Wayward Girls).
Mock the Gators all you want, but looking at Tech’s offense, off the top of my head I think we can chalk up loses for UGA to GT, UF, and, of course, Vandy right now. How many more of your rivals do you plan to lose to this year?
All this talk about snoozing is making me so sleepy. The only advice that I can give you is..? Actually I can’t think of anything. I could say “this too shall pass”, but you’d probably reach thru the WWW and bopp me…so scratch that.
Honestly in a few months you’ll block this whole bloodshot period every happened. If it makes you feel any better I can tell you about the first few months with triplets……!
Damon´s last blog ..Latest info
1. I knew there was a reason I don’t have any of those things
2. I’m glad I’m not the only person who cat-naps in their office
kitty´s last blog ..dog people may not understand
You can actually die from sleep deprivation. I think after 8-9 days with NO sleep (it could be less) your body starts to shut down.
And yeah, I’m not getting any sleep either. I spent today walking around in a fog with no idea what I was meant to be doing. Isaac doesn’t finish cluster feeding until 11pm, wakes every hour for a feed, feeds for 20 minutes, plays for 20 minutes and sleeps for 20 minutes until 5am, when apparently it’s morning time.
Solidarity.
Veronica´s last blog ..Warmth
When Little One was born, her mother and I worked out a rotation (the momma wasn’t working at the time). I had Little One from the tme I got home until 10 PM, and then from 0400 until the time I left for work, and on weekend from the time I got home on Friday until I left for work again Monday morning. There was give and take in the schedule, but it did allow each of us some dedicated sleep and off times.
Jud´s last blog ..I’m Down with That
Here’s another way to die from sleep deprivation (if you’re like me and you get the occasional auditory hallucination when tired): Riding your bike in the dark at the edge of a not-very-wide road and suddenly hearing a man speaking two inches from your ear. (Couldn’t understand any words, but almost wiped out badly.)
My friends just came down pregnant with twins. It’s a really desired pregnancy, but I’m still laughing.
Oh, and I totally understand the robot thing. One late night session in the computer room I suddenly _knew_ the line printer was evil. I could actually feel waves of malevolence. I eventually had to get up and go to the other room.
But really, when I’ve had sleep I’m mostly sane.
Theresa B´s last blog ..Cooking For Real People
I think I’m now afraid of yeast robot hybrids taking over the world.
Sorry you’re not sleeping! I really don’t know how parents do it!
Allie´s last blog ..No Dogs Were Harmed in the Making of This Photo
Buy my plane ticket, and I’ll stay up with NotMax for you.
Nichole´s last blog ..Not a sushi fan
I don’t think I’ve realised how good I have it as a bachelor. Until now.
Monty´s last blog ..Dear Midnight Bike Rider,
I beg to differ on that no one ever died from lack of sleep thing. I mean, at LEAST there’s all the people that die from falling asleep at the wheel. Lack of sleep makes every little thing worse. I totally sympathize with you. Or empathize. I mix those two up, but I definitely feel for you. Hang in there and thanks for reminding me yet again to keep taking those birth control pills. Seriously, lost sleep is one of the main reasons I only have two babies. Ok, one kid, one teen, and one step-young adult. But that’s all the sleep I could afford to lose. And then some.
Jill/Twipply Skwood´s last blog ..Houston: Home of the BIG Billy Goat and the Gender Confused Rooster
Oh & I forgot to say that bathtub photo is SO sweet!
Jill/Twipply Skwood´s last blog ..Houston: Home of the BIG Billy Goat and the Gender Confused Rooster
Jamie – We’re not going to lose to Tech again. Or Vandy. Or, apparently, the Vols. After Saturday, I’m feeling better about things.
Damon – I know. You don’t want to hear it at the time, though.
Kitty – Apparently, based on my unscientific survey, there are a fair few of us.
Veronica – Solidarity indeed.
Jud – Yep, you do what you can to stay sane.
Theresa – I’ve been there. But not due to lack of sleep
Allie – I don’t know. But in hindsight I wish I had had kids when I way younger.
Nichole – Deal.
Monty – Has its benefits.
Jill – I know. All sorts of ways to die from lack of sleep!
A Free Man´s last blog ..Game Day: The Birthday Edition
I think this is when a visit from the grandparents might come in very handy. Here’s to getting some sleep soon.
Gypsy´s last blog ..The Butt Pinch Barometer
Gypsy – We’ve got one here who is very helpful. And we’re starting to get into a bit of a routine anyway.
Honestly. If I could roll up the US and part the Pacific, I would take a quick walk over to your place and give you guys a sleep break. I hate sleep deprivation.
And Not Max? Looking cute in his Dawgs gear! Boy Z as well! Woo hoo!
Coal Miner’s Granddaughter´s last blog ..Punk