courtney
ellie
Jacob
Jill/Twipply Skwood
SciFi Dad
Seattledad (Luke,...
The Unbearable Ba...
Allie
Blogging Mama Andrea
Cat
I grew up with distant Grandparents. Not emotionally – they were wonderful when we had a chance to see them – but physically. Our family was nomadic for much of the 70’s, and our wanderings took us far from my parents’ parents. What this meant is that my sister and I saw our grandparents a couple of times a year at best.
I loved seeing them. My sister and I flew up to northern Ontario for a couple of weeks every summer. Those were the best of times – long northern summer days in the woods with my cousins and my grandparents. There was a freedom and a light heartedness up there that we couldn’t conjure up at home. There was a chance to spend time with my grandparents, to get to know them, to have them shower us with grandpaternal affection. It was awesome.
But I was always a little jealous of my cousins. They lived in the same town as my grandparents and saw them a couple of times a week. My grandparents were a part of their lives in a way that they could never be a part of ours. It is the minutiae of day to day live that drags a family closer together. In the back of my mind during those halcyon summer days of childhood was a niggling insecurity that my cousins were closer to my grandparents than I was. Because no matter how close we got during the weeks we spent together, we never built the relationship that goes along with a daily interaction.
I know there was a difference because when I was a teenager, my father’s parents moved to our small town in Florida. Now as a teenager, I didn’t take as much advantage as I should have of this proximity. But I know that in the few years before he died, I was able to build a special kind of relationship with my paternal grandfather, one that I wish I had a chance to build with my maternal grandfather.
I wish I was in a position to offer my sons that kind of relationship with all of their grandparents. But one of the adverse effects of an international relationship is that there is no conceivable way that Dr. O’C and I can live in the same country as both sides of our family, never mind the same city.
My boys will grow up with one local grandparent. Dr. O’C’s mum lives in the southern suburbs and comes up to dote on her grandsons at least a couple of times a week. They adore her and I’m grateful that they are going to have her in their lives on a daily basis.
Dr. O’C’s Dad is in Queensland, which is about as far from us as New York is from New Orleans. Thus, he’s been an infrequent presence in my sons’ lives so far.
And my parents? Well, my parents are in Florida – 16,000 km away. Not conducive to that daily interaction with their Grandkids. And this is a fact that pains me. I’ve gone through all the permutations, but there just isn’t any way that there can be more unless we move back to the States (not going to happen) or they move down here (ditto). So, we’ll have to look forward to the too infrequent visits and make the most of them when they come around.
Like now, for example. Right now they’re probably about 8,000 km or so away – on a flight somewhere over the Pacific. They are on their way here – my Mom and Dad and my maternal Grandmother. They arrive in Sydney tomorrow and Adelaide on Sunday. We’re headed off on a barnstorm trip to Sydney to meet up with them and get Not Max his U.S. citizenship.
At just shy of three weeks, they will be here for too short a time. And who knows when the next trip will be. But I’m glad that my parents are going to have a chance to get to know their grandsons and that my sons will have a chance to begin to get to know their grandparents. I’m grateful that we have a chance to be together and am going to make the best of the time we have.
——————————-
Eels’ “Blinking Lights and Other Revelations” is available from 
Popularity: 11% [?]
Stumble Upon
Del.icio.us
Buzz
Touching post with Thanksgiving coming up.
It’s not easy, I know. Each time we moved to the US, it would break my heart taking our kids away from their grandparents, but my dad told me one day, “You can’t live your life for us.” They became important words, because it was comforting, in that he approved of us trying to make better life for ourselves and our children. Although it sounds corny, “It’s quality time, not quantity.” Enjoy! Cheers! 
~ Jan ~ ´s last blog ..The Mexican Kitchen…a favourite Bendigo restaurant …our old stomping ground!
I had almost no interaction with my grandparents. Both grandfathers died before I reached an age where I could know them. (Both grandpas died of cirrhosis of the liver, too, an ominous precedent.)
Both grandmothers started their families long before they left their teens. It could be said that this strained the relationship with their children, and it made my mother and father the sad souls (and poor parents) that they became.
My mother, particularly, rationed our contact with her own mother, lest the toxins leach into our family life. Given the circumstances, if I’d had children, I might have done the same with my own parents.
I cannot begin imagine what growing up with grandparents would be like.
Still, they say that it takes a village to raise a child, and grandparents are the first villagers to hand for a new family. Extended family, I guess, are a halfway house between the safety of home and the challenges of the broader community. They help a child learn whom to value, and whom to trust. And who not to.
I feel my own blogpost coming on about this…
headbang8´s last blog ..Make money, change planes, or get out.
aww. even without kids in the equation, international relationships invariably mean that someone loses out, someone is always going to be disappointed. and while adults make the expat choice for themselves, kids are just along for the ride.
as small as the world is these days, sometimes those miles are still so very, very long.
enjoy your time together.
jen´s last blog ..the view from under the bus
Dude, do you have any of those films (I see the camera… is it an 8mm? in the first photo), because those would be awesome. (I got some 8mm stuff from a Christmas when I was like five and it was wild.)
More on topic, I know EXACTLY what you are going through. My maternal grandparents were four blocks away, so I could walk over and watch a Lions game or whatever with my grandfather whenever I wanted (or in later years, walk over and borrow his car when my father wouldn’t lend his). My paternal grandmother lived in Italy; I never even met her.
Now, my inlaws are about 30 minutes away by car, so they see them once or twice a week. My parents are over four hours away by car, so we see them every 4-6 weeks at best.
SciFi Dad´s last blog ..Rocking To Music
I know what you mean. I grew up just less than a mile from my paternal grandparents and my grandfather was one of the most important people in my life growing up. It took me years to be able to think about him without getting a little upset after he died.
My mom’s parents lived about 60-70 miles away and we saw them much less frequently, although probably a lot more often than you did with your Ontarian grandparents, and I never developed the same level of connection with them.
Right now, my son E has the same proximity to my parents as I had to my dad’s and we’re a four-hour drive from my wife’s. Right now, his favorite person in the world is my dad, but I think my wife’s mom may be a close second, but I doubt that would last if we stayed down here and so far from them.
Jacob´s last blog ..Today May or May Not Be One of Those Days
I didn’t live near any grandparents and they died while I was very young anyway so there was not that ideal that you describe in this post. My kids had my mother but not anyone else and we lived too many miles apart for them to get very close. I think you have the right attitude about being grateful for whatever visits there are and making the most of them. Enjoy your time with your parents and grandmother!!
Technobabe´s last blog ..The Shame And Blame Game
Oh, hon. That is just wonderful that they’re coming down there to visit. Hope you all have a wonderful time and make many, many wonderful memories. Don’t blog too much! Just spend time with them. See you when you get back.
Coal Miner’s Granddaughter´s last blog ..The Other Shoe Has Landed
Dude. I grew up with NO grandparents. Nada. Zip. Zilch. Unless you count the tape recorder that we were periodically co-erced into addressing. (Hello Grandma and Grandad, this is Arizaphale talking to you from Australia….)
It kind of sucks. At least your parents are taking the trouble to travel and meet their grandkids. They won’t regret it. I’m looking forward to meeting them too (parents…not grandkids).
OH! and that first picture!!!!! NotMaxNotMaxNotMax!!!!!!!!!!
arizaphale´s last blog ..Some Are Lucky, Some Are Not
My paternal grandparents lived in the same town as we did growing up and we only saw them at holidays or birthdays. They just weren’t lovey type of people (and my grandmother still isn’t. She holds a grudge better than anyone I know.) My maternal grandparents lived about 40 mins away and we saw them every weekend. I never appreciated it enough then but I have some of the best memories of playing tea party with my grandfather and earning quarters as his waitress.
My parents live 4,000 miles away but we see them a couple times a year. My husbands mother lives about an hour away and we see her every two weeks or more often. I’m glad for my kids that they will have grandparents in their lives.
Enjoy your visit!
Blogging Mama Andrea´s last blog ..Random Tuesday Thoughts
We have a similar situation. We live near my family, but, My husband’s family is in Europe. It is hard for him.
We don’t have any perfect solutions, but, as I work on a school schedule, we are planning to get the kiddos to stay in Europe for at least a month this summer. We may even send them ahead now that they are older.
heather´s last blog ..Phonomenology
Tell them I said “hi.” Is this their first visit down?
My parents divorced when I was really little, and I spent the school year far from my grandparents. I, like you, loved spending time with them, exploring the woods around my grandma’s ranch, playing cards with my dad’s parents. I was, and still am I suppose, a little jealous of my cousins who live near them and have them in their day-to-day lives. This is why I want to move back closer to my parents, I want my daughter to have those relationships I never really had. Cali just can’t give us that, no matter what else it has to offer. Even though both of our families are in the mid-west, inevitably, we will have to decide who will be closer (there’s no good mid-way point, and I’m not sure that would accomplish our goal anyway). Enjoy them while they’re visiting, I’m sure your boys will!
April´s last blog ..Some stuff about stuff
My husband’s family is close but not very involved and my mom is in Wisconsin. I grew up with grandma as a babysitter and spent my teens living just a short walk from her house. With very young parents, involved in their own dramas etc., my mothers parents were a huge stabilizing force in my life(this is the Grandpa I have oft written about). I wish my parents were closer, I wish my husband’s parents were more involved but I take some solace in the fact that my kids don’t need it the way I did. Still, Gene and I look forward to sending the kids to Wisconsin for the better part of the summers to hang with the cousins and fish and swim the lake my mom lives on. My kid’s experience growing up is so vastly different than my own but I want them to have a few of the things I remember fondly.
Enjoy the visit, certainly proximity and frequency can build connections but really good memories stand on their own.
chris´s last blog ..Picture This
This is the way it is for my kids. The cousins on my side live in Small Hometown, Mississippi across town from my parents, and they see each other a few times a week. The cousins on Yankee’s side live in the same town as his mom and see her all of the time. I’m jealous for my kids. Have fun with your parents visit .
Cat´s last blog ..The Big Reveal
My mother’s father died when she was only 10–back in the 30s. My other grandparents meant well, but just weren’t that much fun. But my other grandmother was an endless source of stories, some of which have ended up on my blog. Have a great time with your family. Will you do a traditional Thanksgiving Dinner? Or, at least as traditional as you can?
Here In Franklin´s last blog ..When Good Intentions Go Bad
I had extremely little interaction with my grandparents. I couldn’t tell you the first names of any of them, and honestly can’t remember when the last time was that I’ve seen any of them. Because of that, it seems weird to me that Sarah’s dad is around as much as he is (once or twice a week). It’s slowly sinking in that this probably isn’t abnormal after all. Sadly, my side of the family just isn’t a tight knit bunch. It never really bothered me until we had Tyler. Now I long for a closer relationship with my family, although I know that it won’t happen because that’s not our dynamic. I can’ tell if I’m more sad that Tyler won’t have a tight relationship with them, or if I don’t. Moments like now, I wish I had an instant anti-depressant I could take.
*sigh*
Joe @ IrrationalDad´s last blog ..Smashing Pumpkins
Despite being just over an hour’s drive away from both sets of grandparents, I haven’t spent much time with any of them growing up. Now that I’m back in my hometown, I promised myself I would visit them more often, because they’re not going to be around much longer.
Have a great time with your family!
courtney´s last blog ..Now That’s A Tree
Enjoy! My aunt was just here for a couple weeks…there is nothing better than having family around.
suzer´s last blog ..Cheesefest
So what I got out of all this was surprise about getting Not Max US citizenship the very paragraph after saying you were never going to live here… It does make sense after I think about it though.
I grew up really far away from my grandparents for most of my life, but apparently my brother I got left there occasionally, like when my parents went on a motorcycle trip wherever it was they went. So I guess that accounts for still feeling close to them. Or maybe I just don’t know what I missed so I’m not as close to them as I could have been.
For my own kids though, I’ve been very consciously keeping them around a lot of family. It doesn’t include my own parents. But it DOES include their paternal grandparents and the thing is just yesterday my gal said something to me about “the only grandfather I actually ever SEE!!!!” meaning NOT her paternal grandfather that lives up the road, but my dad that lives 2000 miles away.
So really I’m just rambling here except that while I agree with you on principal, (my boy was really close to my uncle, his great uncle, which I don’t think ever would have happened if we hadn’t lived in the same apartment building) but I think my kids are as close to my mom & dad as they are to their geographically closer grandparents. It must be some kind of proximity plus effort thing maybe, where like effort could make up for the proximity, but maybe never totally. Or something. And now I’m late for work but still not making sense.
Jill/Twipply Skwood´s last blog ..Two more things that go together like bread and butter: rape and pancake mix
Enjoy!
ellie´s last blog ..The Boy Next Door Visits
Enjoy…Cheers!
We’re in a similar situation, as you know. I am glad your parents are on the way, and I am sure you will milk every shred of fun and hugs out of them. Enjoy, and post when you can.
We had a whole VHS tape made years ago from the old 8mm videos and it is lots of fun to watch.
And as for the grandparent thing. That would be tough. Though, my parents live only 1 1/2 hours away and it is still tough to interact with them as much as we all would like.
Hope everyone has a fun visit.
Seattledad´s last blog ..My 1st Kiss & Bowl of Hot Random to Go.
I wonder how the Internet will help these familial relationships along in a way we never could have understood in our own childhood era. I don’t know. Maybe there’s just no replacement for a grandma’s hand on a cheek. Then again, think of the amazing life you are giving your boys. It’s incredible.
Enjoy the visit, C.
Maggie, dammit´s last blog ..Help Anissa Mayhew
I saw this story and thought of you. Isn’t this your team?
http://www.cnn.com/2009/US/11/19/georgia.university.mascot.dead/index.html?eref=rss_topstories&utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+rss%2Fcnn_topstories+%28RSS%3A+Top+Stories%29&utm_content=Google+Reader
Technobabe´s last blog ..A Thankful Heart
Sweet Jesus…Kentucky?…That is just too pathetic…I don’t even feel the same joy in mocking you (not that I am letting that stop me).
It was so great meeting you and your family last week! I hope you had a great time in Sydney and are back with your parents enjoying it all. Love, love, love Dr. O’C and only wished y’all lived closer.
Hope to see you guys again soon– possibly up in your neck of the woods?? Cheers matey.
Florida Girl in Sydney´s last blog ..Sculpture by the Sea 2009
Jamie – Shut up.
I”m actually on the phone with my brother right now and he’s yammering all about exactly this.
But I’m done listening to him because he just doesn’t stop going on and on.
This was a beautiful post.
Have a wonderful holiday
Lora´s last blog ..you don’t know how lucky you are, boy