Happy death men stand in line

06 Jan 2010 at 22:14

A Free Man

3generations During my family’s trip Down Under, my Dad and I were talking about future visits back and forth between Australia and the States.

“And when the boys are teenagers, I’m just going to send them to Florida for the school holidays. Let their grandparents deal with their hormonal butts”, I ribbed.

“That’s OK”, my Dad replied with disturbing solemnity, “I’ll be dead by then.”

Stunned silence. My Dad has a sense of humour so dry that it borders on Saharan, so I coughed a hesitant chuckle.

“No, seriously. I’m 63. My father died in his early 70’s, so did his brother. We [surname redacted] men don’t live very long. I’ll be gone before they’re teens.”

My Dad, always the life of the party.

That being said, it wasn’t a month earlier at a dinner party that I announced to my guests:

“Did y’all know that as of my birthday, I’ll be statistically halfway through my life? Truly middle aged?”

Stunned silence, followed by nervous laughter.

“That’s assuming that we’re talking about the American average life expectancy of 75.6 for men rather than the Australian average of 78.9. If I get the Australian bump then I’m another year away from half way.”

Apparently, a cavalier fatalism is an inherited trait.

——————

I’m not really a fan of Echo and the Bunnymen, nor any music of the 80’s. It’s all just too…synthetic. But, this is a perfect accompanying track. Their 1980 debut, “Crocodiles” is available from .

Echo and the Bunnymen "Happy Death Men" [4:56m]: Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

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32 Comments

by Reluctant Blogger

06 Jan 2010 at 22:26

I can’t recall how I got here but your blog is on my Reader when I am sure it was not before! Serendipity perhaps?

Every year as children we would go to visit our great aunts and every year they would make a big fuss of saying goodbye and that it would be the Last Time. For the first ten years I found it a bit upsetting but twenty years later I was so blase about it forgot to say a proper goodbye and then of course they both pegged it in the next few months.

I never think about my life span. I could be gone tomorrow or around for decades.

Oh and I envy you the heat. I so miss the Australian sun. It’s cold and snowy here in the UK.

Oh and hello! Sorry I am being rather rude coming and commenting first when I have never been here before. Wish I could remember how I got here.
by SciFi Dad

06 Jan 2010 at 22:56

You know, you could always start smoking and eat more bacon if you’re that eager…
SciFi Dad´s last blog ..Progress
by Monty

06 Jan 2010 at 23:28

you could also hit the bottle with a vengeance. nothing like guaranteed liver failure to give you an edge when it comes to predictability.
Monty´s last blog ..Can you leave me speechless? Hell yes.
by Cat

07 Jan 2010 at 00:08

My great grandmother lived until 94, so if I go by that standard I don’t reach middle age until next year! I’m just ignoring all of the relatives that died way earlier than that.

My dad was like your dad, thinking he would die in his fifties like his own father, but he is 79 and going strong.
Cat´s last blog ..I’m Creeping Out of the Starting Gate
by Jacob

07 Jan 2010 at 00:10

My family is quite the opposite. If I abuse my body like one set of grandparents, I’ll make it to my mid 80s like they did. If I live clean like my other grandparents, I’ll make it to my mid-to-late 90s like everyone in that family does. Not a one of them had any mental issues at the end. It’s always the lungs or heart/vascular system that gives out first. They die alert and witty.

Personally, I’d rather die in a nuclear explosion so sudden that I never realized I was going to die.
Jacob´s last blog ..Go West Young Man!
by Coal Miner's Granddaughter

07 Jan 2010 at 00:25

Well, I’m either going to go in my 70s like my grandfathers/father, or buy it in my 60s like my paternal grandmother or 50s like my maternal grandmother. I tend to hope that I’ll be more like my great-aunt – terrorizing small children until I’m 102.

I hope you and your dad buck the system.
Coal Miner’s Granddaughter´s last blog ..Too Quiet
by My Name's Not Barbara

07 Jan 2010 at 00:49

My grandpa died when he is 67. My dad is 67. I’ve been gnawing at my nails all year.
My Name’s Not Barbara´s last blog ..This type of cold is hard to find.
by Blogging Mama Andrea

07 Jan 2010 at 01:18

Fatalism, that’s a fun parlor trick. Let’s hope you have far more than a few more years to be around.
Blogging Mama Andrea´s last blog ..Raise your hand if you want to be a diagnostician
by jams O'Donnell

07 Jan 2010 at 03:03

My dad is an arch fatalist but he has made it to 84! Not heard Happy Death Men in years but I’m not a huge Bunnymen fan either
jams O’Donnell´s last blog ..Oh holy spud
by April

07 Jan 2010 at 03:17

Wow, you and your dad are definitely the life of the party. I’m prone to a fatalistic streak as well. I’m now depressed and thinking about how many years I have left….
April´s last blog ..Traditions
by Jamie

07 Jan 2010 at 03:54

But all your clean living in your twenties surely has extended your expectancy, no?
by rassles

07 Jan 2010 at 04:21

I plan on living forever, so…take THAT. Middle-aged bullshit.
rassles´s last blog ..All Pinball Wizards Have Handicaps Eventually
by chris

07 Jan 2010 at 04:53

Well, the picture of the four of you is perfect. What a happy, good looking foursome:)

A few years ago, my Grandmother sat me down and had me plan out her funeral. She had already made the arrangements for the where(drawer in a mausoleum, up off the floor to avoid floods, though why I am not sure) but not the how or the what. The What being what everyone was going to eat. She wanted me to write down her food choices, what music she wanted played, even who was invited to the “Good” party(sit down meal and booze) and who just got invited to the meet and greet(appetizers and coffee) I had been her scribe for a number of things so I didn’t think too much about it until my aunts walked in and asked what we were doing. They were not amused. “Well it’s my last goddamn party and I want it the way I want it,”she said. Maybe we just get more pragmatic as we age or try to control what we can, or use a small measure of bravado to make the uncertainty bearable. I think my grandma’s thought process was at least a little bit of the variety of I don’t know when it’s coming but I know what you’ll be eating:)
by Technobabe

07 Jan 2010 at 05:24

Boy do you and your dad look alike in the picture. You wouldn’t have to say that is your dad.
Technobabe´s last blog ..Perspective
by Trish

07 Jan 2010 at 07:18

My father in law said something similar to me many years ago, reminding me that his dad had dropped dead at 52 and his grandfather was in his forties, and so he didn’t think he’d be around much longer. I actually laughed, it honestly took me so much by surprise and sounded so pathetic, so then I reminded him that both of those men worked the Coal Mines from the age of 12 and smoked and drank and enjoyed a typical Derbyshire diet of meat and drippings and that he was, comparatively, much healthier, and stop being so silly. He’s in his mid-60’s now and shows no signs of slowing down.
Trish´s last blog ..PS.
by suzer

07 Jan 2010 at 10:44

How can you not be a fan of 80s music – particularly the bunneymen? For shame…
suzer´s last blog ..101 in 1001
by The Unbearable Banishment

07 Jan 2010 at 13:35

It sound to me like you guys have a pretty healthy attitude towards death. I try to be more Buddhist about it. They don’t share the fatalism that most religions do.
The Unbearable Banishment´s last blog ..Aren’t men pigs?
by Not Afraid To Use It

07 Jan 2010 at 14:14

Well hell. Ya’ll are just a bunch of conversation killers, now aren’t ya? You still my kind of guy. And I would have laughed at the middle age thing.
by admin

07 Jan 2010 at 14:29

Reluctant – Glad to have you here, however you got here. I kind of miss the UK in the snow, those rare times that it actually snowed. I kind of miss snow in general.

SciFi – I just recently quit smoking and have seriously cut down on my bacon consumption, but I reckon that 20 years or so of both has given me a good head start.

Monty – See above.

Cat – The women in our family live forever. It’s just the men. There’s a joke there, but I’m going to leave it.

Jacob – I’m with you – death by blindside.

CMGD – I kind of don’t want to. I mean, live to over 100? No thanks.

Not Barbara – I think we always tend to outlive our parents, so your Dad’s probably safe.

Andrea – I would guess about 38 more. Give or take. Statistically.

Jams – Maybe that’s the trick. Come to terms with it, be ready and then you just hang on.

April – I guess the thing is that I don’t consider it depressing. I mean, 38 more years is a long damn time!

Jamie – I reckon. Hey, I have a pre-Columbian thing to send you. Must remember when I get back to the office.

Rassles – Are you a goddess? Demi-goddess? Or the undead?

Chris – Good looking being the operative words. I like your grandmother’s approach. I have a song picked out, but maybe I need to consider catering.

Technobabe – I know. I know.

Trish – Nobody in our family worked in the coal mines, though. Actually, my Dad and Grandad may have spent a bit of time in some gold mines, but I’m not 100% on that one.

Suzer – Because it was a foul decade for music. I mean, I lived through it. Sucked then and sucks now. What’s worse is that there’s an 80’s revival movement. Folks, it was crap the first time, don’t bring it back. Please.

TUB – That’s what I’m saying.

NATUI – Actually, in both cases, conversation continued in quite an animated manner!
by arizaphale

07 Jan 2010 at 14:52

My great aunt once bought her husband only a 6 month bus pass cos she didn’t think he would live the full year. He did.
arizaphale´s last blog ..Only A Hippopotamus Will Do
by Seattledad (Luke, I am Your Father)

07 Jan 2010 at 15:58

This 42 year old whose paternal line is right on par with yours is reading this in stunned silence. Thanks.

Not really, but Mrs. LIAYF doesn’t like it when I talk that way so it is not brought up around here anymore.

I should listen to SciFi and eat more bacon while I still can.
Seattledad (Luke, I am Your Father)´s last blog ..Random Tuesday Thoughts: 2010 Edition
by Agnes

07 Jan 2010 at 22:16

My grandpa had his first stroke in his late 40’s and still managed to live to the ripe old age of 74. All the other grands are alive and almost 80. My great grandmother on my mum’s side lived to be 96, albeit in the company of Alzeimers, and my great grandfather on my dad’s side died at 101 with all faculties intact.

I think I’ll be fine – as long as I take after my dad’s side.
Agnes´s last blog ..It All Started turns two!
by Ted

07 Jan 2010 at 23:39

Death is a topic which is incredibly difficult to discuss. We all know its there, its just the uncertainty thats scary.

We all joke about living to be a hudred and feeling immortal, these feeling seem to deflate into a morbid acceptance the older we get and the closer we feel to death.

With good food and healthy living I think that most westerners now stand a fair chance of reaching a 3 figure age. The biggest threat these days is stress, everything is high demand and no flex, heart attacks are the new plaque.

Just be happy and enjoy it. More importantly, like SeattleDad said, dont miss the oppertunity to eat Bacon, its what lifes about
Ted´s last blog ..Expatriate Site Statistics
by muskrat

08 Jan 2010 at 01:36

That’s awful!
When I was a kid, we were on vacation with my dad’s best friend and his family, and we had a party for him, as he was turning 50. I remarked that he was “halfway done with his life,” and he replied that, “the way I figure, I’m about two thirds done with my life!” That still bothers me.
muskrat´s last blog ..2009: a muskrat odyssey
by courtney

08 Jan 2010 at 03:25

Jeez, thanks for the downer, A Free Dad. If I follow family tradition, I’ll make it to my 90s. It’s only the women in my family that make it that far, though. The men historically have not been so lucky.

Provided I don’t get hit by a bus or something.
courtney´s last blog ..Better Late Than Never
by heather

09 Jan 2010 at 15:53

My dad was sure that he would never see 60 and he is still ticking. His father and grandfathers died before that.
heather´s last blog ..Tiny Dancer
by Jill/Twipply Skwood

10 Jan 2010 at 03:15

Well, my grandfather was CERTAIN he was going to die in his (50s? 60s?) just like his dad and just like his grandfather. He’s going to turn ONE HUNDRED in April!

Anyway you could still send their hormonal butts to your mom I guess. And yes, on the sense of humor it does appear to have been passed down. And plus emailed to me. :-0 :-0
Jill/Twipply Skwood´s last blog ..Those Hidden Camera Things Take All the Fun Out of Getting a Traffic Ticket
by mjrc

10 Jan 2010 at 07:47

i think anyone who had a parent die young lives with a certain shadow over their head, especially when you’re nearing the age of their death yourself.

but there is that simple matter of mathematics you can’t deny–i’m certainly at or past the halfway point, which kind of makes me mad at myself for not doing more in the first half but at the same time inspires me to live life to the fullest from now to the end.
mjrc´s last blog ..Snow Mix Sample
by ellie

10 Jan 2010 at 19:06

I was adopted. I’m going to live forever.
ellie´s last blog ..Dillard Motivates
by ellie

10 Jan 2010 at 19:06

ps – absolutely love the title of this post.
ellie´s last blog ..Dillard Motivates
by sarala

23 Jan 2010 at 02:12

I don’t think it is healthy for your dad to be so fatalistic. It has a way of turning into prophecy.
That being said, I realized recently that I am unequivocally more than half done myself. (And I’m a fair bit older than you). It was a creepy feeling. Will I see my grandkids’ adolescent years? Assuming my boys produce any. I damn sure hope to but I also chose not to follow my parents’ mistake and have kids while way too young and mess things up royally. So I had my kids in the emotionally and financially secure 30’s and won’t have as many years with them or their offspring. Sigh.
sarala´s last blog ..Back to our regularly scheduled programming . . . .
by Martin Kono

15 Feb 2010 at 18:03

We all need to accept that our life will end some day and that day is always closer. Sometimes it is hard to thing about death but (as some people say) it is the only certain thing in life.