A Free Man

Well, gentle readers, you’ve been incredibly tolerant of my college football obsession this season and for that I’m grateful. Many of you will be happy to hear that this weekend marks the end of the regular season and thus, the end of Deep South Smack Talk. But we’re going out with a bang - it’s Clean, Old-Fashioned Hate week, the annual stomping of Atlanta’s North Avenue Trade School by their betters to the east in Athens.

Speaking for the Nerd Herd this week, I have one of my favorite bloggers. Courtney can flat out write, but she has questionable allegiances when it comes to college football.

Greetings and happy post-Thanksgiving, readers of A Free Man. Courtney here, proprietor of Malfeasance and die-hard Georgia Tech fan, born and bred. As such, it’s in my blood to believe the University (sic) of Georgia is nothing less than the gaping maw of hell, and all those who enter it are illiterate hillbillies who don’t know how to properly spell the word “dog.” No doubt you all think A Free Man is quite the thoughtful and intelligent blogger, and I agree with you a vast majority of the time. But on those 11 to 12 Saturdays a year when he cheers on his pathetic alma mater? Illiterate hillbilly.

As rivalries go, the GT/U(sic)GA one is rather lopsided. Ask your average Georgia fan who he or she considers to be the school’s biggest rival, and no doubt that person will answer Florida or Tennessee (not this year) or possibly Alabama. Georgia Tech may be its in-state rivalry, but let’s be honest — Tech hasn’t been much of a threat for the past few years. If memory serves me correctly, Tech has lost this game for the past six years straight.* It has effectively ruined the past six Thanksgivings for me. And when U(sic)GA was seeded #1 at the beginning of this season, it looked like the Yellow Jackets’ hopes would all but certainly be dashed again this year.

But they won’t. Not this year. Georgia Tech is going to beat the wrinkles right out of that smush-faced dog’s jaws on Saturday, and if you’re doubtful, I’ll now outline a five-point plan to convince you of the Jackets’ superiority.

1. The losses of the past six years all came under the leadership of Chan Gailey. Gailey was fired last year, and new coach Paul Johnson has whipped the Jackets into shape this year. The Curse of Gailey is gone, and in its place is the Age of Bulldog-Stomping.

2. Tech beat No. 23 Miami last week. And looked damn good doing it, if I do say so myself. If we can beat Miami, we can beat Georgia.

3.  Three words: Triple option offense. Call it old-school if you must, but it’s been working for Tech this year. Seventh in the nation in rushing yards per game, people. If U(sic)GA’s defense wants to stand a chance against it, they’d better wake up and quit daydreaming about the turkey their sister-cousin made in the double-wide yesterday.

4. Georgia is crazy overrated. And unholy. Just sayin’.

5.  Barack Obama. That guy successfully based his campaign on change, and damn if this isn’t a change I can believe in. Make it happen, Mr. President-Elect.

I think this should effectively seal the deal: Jackets rule, Bulldogs drool. In a big way. Seriously, it’s disgusting.

My prediction: Georgia Tech 42, University (sic) of Georgia 21.

“Oh, if I had a daughter, sir, I’d dress her in white and gold And put her on the campus to cheer the brave and bold. But if I had a son, sir, I’d tell you what he’d do: He would yell, ‘TO HELL WITH GEORGIA’ like his daddy used to do!”

GO JACKETS!

And in response, you underwhelming correspondent…

For most of my time at the University of Georgia, I didn’t really get the Georgia-Georgia Tech rivalry. Not being a Georgia native, I didn’t have the historical perspective, the years of intra-state feuding that . The Florida Gators were, and still are, my natural enemy. But that all changed on Thanksgiving weekend 1998. I had to be back for classes on Monday and started the long drive to Athens from north Florida about midway through the game. I figured it was pretty safe, I mean we had beaten the Gnats seven years in a row, how likely was it that they would pull something out this year? I listened to the game on the radio as I drove back towards school on I-75.

Well, that game didn’t go as planned, the Techies won on a last second Brad Chambers field goal that was set up under extremely dodgy circumstances. Circumstances that made me so apoplectic that I had to pull off at one of the free orange juice stands that litter south Georgia lest I crash into the median. Of course, we’ve since learned that Tech coach George O’Leary was using ineligible players that year. That about sums up Tech, the only way they beat us is by cheating.

Since that Thanksgiving I’ve developed a healthy loathing of the ‘Dawgs in state rival. It’s true that Tech is probably the best trade school south of the Carolinas, but that only goes so far. Have you ever been unfortunate enough to be seated next to a computer engineer at a dinner party? You probably don’t remember because you drank yourself into oblivion to try to assuage the boredom. The University of Georgia offers her students a well rounded educational opportunity, preparing alumni for not only their careers but for a full and joyful life. A UGA graduate is the complete package - intelligent, interesting, and damn fine looking examples of humanity. These, my friends, are the advantage of a liberal arts education.

But back to the task at hand - the game. We’re in a similar place this year as we were back in ‘98. Georgia has again won seven in a row against the Gnats. The Nerd Herd has put together a cute little season and is ranked in the Top 25. But the difference this year is that the ACC is battling with the Sun Belt for the honor of worst conference in Division I college football. So, a 4-4 record in ACC play is kind of a dubious honor. Yes, the Techies put a hurting on Miami, which may have been impressive if it was 2001. The Dawgs on the other hand have put together a 9-2 season in the toughest conference in college football, with losses coming to two potential National Championship contenders. And, the game is on our turf and we don’t let the Techies win between the hedges.

Let me just break this game down plain and simple. I know that Techies deal with numbers better than words, so here’s a seven point response to Courtney’s five point plan:

1. 2001 - Georgia 31, Georgia Tech 17
2. 2002 - Georgia 51, Georgia Tech 7
3. 2003 - Georgia 34, Georgia Tech 17
4. 2004 - Georgia 19, Georgia Tech 13
5. 2005 - Georgia 14, Georgia Tech 7
6. 2006 - Georgia 15, Georgia Tech 12
7. 2007 - Georgia 31, Georgia Tech 17

Shall we go for #8? I’m fairly certain that is what is going to happen between the hedges on Saturday. Bring on the yellow bellied whipping boys.

Oh, and Courtney, Barack Obama is a ‘Dawg fan.

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Georgia Tech at Georgia kicks off at 12:00 Eastern (3:30 a.m. Sunday in Adelaide) on CBS. Expat fans can watch the game online by using a loophole to get around CBS’ U.S. only regulations. Send me an e-mail (chris[at]afreeman[dot]org) if you want to know how. A Free Family is going away for the weekend, so chances are I won’t have a chance to watch this one, but I’m pretty sure that everyone except a few delusional math majors on North Avenue know what is going to happen.

Green Day’s 1997 record “Nimrod” is available from .

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* It’s actually seven years in a row, Courtney.

 

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A Free Man is taking the day off from the internets to do some of that tedious work stuff, but I didn’t want to leave my gentle readers high and dry. Some of you may remember that Chris of Formerly Fun was kind enough to give me the day off last week with her guest post. Well, she somehow coerced me into a discussion of a topic that I typically avoid like Somali pirates - female body image. Check out my self-immolation over at Formerly Fun’s place.

I’ll be back here later for the last Deep South Smack Talk of the season - the Clean, Old Fashioned Hate edition.

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I have no idea what Canadian artist Richard Marchand’s illustration “Gone Fishin’” has to do with fishing, but it seemed dead appropriate for my guest post today.

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There’s no football this week, well no Georgia football this week. But I’ve gotten pretty comfortable with having a guest do my job for me on Friday - I am, like the Dude, a lazy man. In fact, in an effort to improve the quality of writing here at A Free Man, I’m thinking of inviting a weekly guest poster after the football season ends, probably on Tuesdays when I spend the day with Boy Z.

This week, I’m happy to have one of my favorite lady bloggers holding down the fort. She’s got every teenage boy’s dream job and is the mother of my future daughter-in-law but beyond that, she’s one of the sharpest writers around. If you’re not reading her blog then you should be. I hope y’all will give a warm welcome to Chris from Formerly Fun who has managed to nicely fit into 90’s week:

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When Chris asked me to guest post of course I said yes and went about thinking about what I would write. He gathers a pretty intelligent crowd, many of whom are parents, so I thought I might expound on a recent fixation of mine, the consumerization of children. Of course, maybe you dear readers need a break from the serious and would rather hear about my days as a Brazilian bikini waxer. Still, this site, while not highbrow, maintains a certain standard that no doubt precludes talking about the ins and outs of chacha waxing.

Later, I got a second email from Chris narrowing my choices, the theme would be 1995. 1995? Color me stumped, I didn’t know what to write. In 1995, I was twenty-one, finishing my last year of college. I had taken the LSAT and scored in the top 7%* in the country, I had limitless options as far as law schools went but I could not get my head around whether or not I actually wanted to be a lawyer. Did I want to travel? Tired of being poor, should I get a job? I know one part of me wanted to write, even then, however, in my family “artistic” pursuits got shelved for “real jobs”. I never really thought it was an option. I had so many people telling me what I should and shouldn’t do that I couldn’t hear myself think.

I look back to those days, really not that long ago and hardly recognize myself. Those were probably some of the most difficult days for me, that tumultuous transition between childhood and adulthood. Not legal adulthood mind you, but adult in the sense that you truly take care of yourself and make your own decisions. I was terribly unsure of myself back then. I was still living under the roof of my very opinionated mother, running almost every decision past her because I didn’t trust myself. I was, and continue to be, the extroverted introvert. Shy and slightly uncomfortable in social situations, being funny and gregarious is my defense mechanism to overcome that anxiety. I only appear socially adept.

I thought about how much of what I know now I wish I had known then. I imagine sitting down with my twenty-one year old self. What would I tell her if I had the chance? How could I better prepare her? I’m sure the things I’d say will continue to evolve, but at thirty-five, this is what I’d pass along.

1. You are not the only one who is insecure and unsure of yourself, in this regard, you are just like everyone else which should be comforting.
2. Don’t be ashamed or embarrassed about being smart, later on you’ll find the best men like the smart girls.
3. You need some breathing room away from your family to figure out who you are and what you want.
4. With regard to said family, just so you know, they’re not always right.
5. Tennis? Volleyball? Ballet? So what if you’re hopelessly uncoordinated? Especially since really, you’re not, your just so self conscious that you get yourself all torqued up and forget how to move your body. These are things you want to try, so what if you look silly, what do you care? Guess what? Most people are too self-absorbed to care what you’re doing anyway.
6. Stop being so afraid of failing. You think half the people out there are misguided and misinformed anyway so why do you care what they think?
7. You think you’re not pretty and you need to figure out why you think that because it’s not true.
8. Go easy on the carbs and you’ll lose that babyfat. Stop eating salads with ranch dressing and cheese, in spite of what you think, this is not going to help you lose weight and frankly, it tastes awful.
9. Your parents can only give you the tools they have so you are not going to be armed with everything you need. Some things you’ll figure out the hard way, other tools you can get through some keen observation, the latter is far easier.
10. You got the short straw in the dad department. His behavior has absolutely nothing to do with you. You don’t deserve it, you didn’t do anything to cause it. You are not difficult to love and in time, you will figure out how to trust men again.
11. With regard to men, you seriously have to expect more.
12. That thing you do, you know the thing I’m talking about, you need to stop doing it on the first date.
13. Get yourself a good therapist(see #9 & #10, and really, probably #11 & #12 too)
14. Clean up those eyebrows already, bushy brows are so 1995.
15. One word, sunscreen.
16. Quit smoking today.
17. Trust your gut. Whether it’s school, men, friends, you know more than you think you do.

*I never actually attended law school so that 7% is the sum of my bragging rights.

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This Green Day track was Chris’ choice and I think I see why. “Dookie” came out in ‘95 and I love it now as much as I did then - it’s just masterful pop-punk. Buy the album from or, even better, your local independent record store.

 

 Green Day - "She" [2:14m]: Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

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A Free Man and Boy Party Day has been changed to Tuesdays so we can go to music classes. Fortunately, my favorite Gator fan has stepped into the breach with his second (of hopefully many) guest posts. Before I turn it over to Jamie, I just want to say that his post was unsolicited - lest you think that everything is all about me:

Chris had asked me if I wanted to guest blog a bit for A Free Man, and while excited by the possibility, I initially demurred, because 1) I am lazy, 2) writing has become an exercise in terror and self-loathing since I am an academic (and more writing did not seem like a fun way to spend my time), 3) my best non-academic writing is rants which I recognize are tiresome to most people, and most importantly, 4) the pleasure of reading A Free Man seems to lay with Chris’ personality and persona in general.  However, his post of yesterday inspired me to churn something out, since it would be about Chris himself and perhaps, therefore, not try the patience of this blog’s loyal readership.  I read the post having just gotten back from a cocktail party, where a thirtysomething female colleague of mine regretted having spent her twenties in graduate school, instead of “partying and having lots of sex.”  I knew how she felt.

Chris came down pretty hard on himself in his last blog post, for his life of dissolution while living in Seattle.  And since he had to live through it, I cannot really blame him, but allow me to offer another perspective.  Chris and I had been best friends since meeting in sixth grade, and our lives ran pretty parallel through high school and starting college.  Then he got kicked out of college.  Then he started a new college and quit that.  None of this seemed too abnormal, lots of people leave school after all, but then Chris announced one day he was packing up and moving to Seattle, our generations’ not quite Haight-Ashbury.  I was finishing school at the time, and had a big decision to make about my “future.”  I was planning on starting a Ph.D. in history, which is a miserable seven year (at best) slog.  Which meant I would have been going to school straight through K-12, four years of university, and seven upcoming years of graduate school – that is 24 years of schooling without a break.  As Chris was sending me rapturous letters from Seattle (the optimistic early years there), I decided to put a break on my career path and drop out for a year.  Note this was no titanic shift, just taking a year off before continuing my graduate work.  I was going to move to Seattle too, get a job in a bookstore (ha-ha- no doubt impossible as that was every geek’s plan), and just enjoy life for a while without the stress of being perfect (I can count the number of Bs I have ever gotten on one hand, and I do not think this is a good thing).  Basically I wanted the life of libertinage and irresponsibility Chris described in his post.  I felt free for the first time since I has spent a summer in Mexico (studying of course).  I was getting ready to tell Chris my plan (he would not have been thrilled, I suspect), when I got a letter stating I had won a major national fellowship for graduate study.  I called to see if I could delay it for a year; they said I could if I had a good reason.  My usual facility with bullshitting failed me, as I could not spin wanting to do nothing for a year into a good reason.  I chickened out and accepted the grant.

I did pay a visit to Chris before graduate school started that summer, and my worst fears about my decision seemed confirmed.  Chris lived in the hippest neighborhood in Seattle, he had what to me seemed like a cool “special lady friend,” and we spent a few days in various states of intoxication.  Good times to a 22 year old.  I left that to start a life of reading three to four books of 200 to 500 pages each week.  Unless you are a speed reader, which I am not, this means you basically spend all your free time reading.  Now I love to read, but as someone said about writing (Bob Dylan, perhaps?) which I think applies, “When you are writing, you are not living.”  Chris seemed to be living, and while I constantly regretted not taking that year off, knowing that my friend was doing it somehow made things better, not worse.  As years of graduate study stretched on, following Chris’ picaresque life inspired me to try to live better in what few ways a graduate student of history can (mainly regarding a certain woman I pursued in a manner uncharacteristic to my nature).

Chris has always been a great influence, whether it be introducing me to new writers, certainly to new music, but most especially to thinking about life in new ways.  I’ve always loved his willingness to search for happiness instead of just wallowing in misery, his ability to remake himself, his courage to give up his current life and make a new one—and as this blog’s readers know, this latest move to Australia was certainly not the least momentous.  In spite of my exploits over the years (swimming into Mayan ruins at night, huddled in a van while risking guerrilla roadblocks in Colombia) I have never been able to work without a net like Chris, and have excruciated over every possible choice in life, making sure every step was well-planned (at times leading to disaster nevertheless).  I have often envied Chris his daring, but I would not now want to change radically my life of  happy domesticity and tenured academia, and thus, cannot really regret missing out on Seattle.   His travels and travails influenced me the way reading about a different life in a good novel can:  you may not want to have lived that life yourself, but you feel as if you discovered something about living by having spent some time in its company.

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If you’ve not heard Warren Zevon then your life is not complete. He was a ray of light in a what was otherwise a pretty dark time in rock. He died too young, of mesothelioma, in 2003. Buy his Greatest Hits at  .

Image credits:

Seattle 1995

Studying

 

 Warren Zevon - "Mr. Bad Example" [3:22m]: Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

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