…shit in the other.
See which one fills up first.

I love that expression, I’ve always claimed that I heard it a lot growing up in north Florida, but I’m pretty sure that I actually read it first in a Harry Crews novel. Dr. O’C loves it as well. Just ask her. As apparently does Green Day.

But that’s not what I’m here to talk about today. There is a trend these days to claim that you were an outcast in high school – a geek, a nerd, a loser. At some point in the last decade or so it became hip to be square – I blame the internet. And now everyone, even the prom queens and starting quarterbacks, remember themselves as awkward dweebs back in their teens.

Now, I’ve claimed in the past that I was a textbook nerd in high school, that I had no social skills, that I was more comfortable in the public library than the party pit. And I’m sure some of you have seen the thirtysomething, confident and composed A Free Man of today and thought that I was exaggerating. That I was proving my present coolness by claiming past lameness. Well, gentle readers, I have evidence to support my claims of an adolescence that, if it were a movie, would have featured Anthony Michael Hall (circa 1984) in a leading role. Behold, A Free Man’s junior prom…

I’m the one in the white tux with royal blue tie and cummerbund and the cringe-worthy ’stache. That’s my date on the far left in the second photo. For those of you saying, “Well at least you could get a date,  you couldn’t have been that much of a loser”, have a look at her expression. Does she appear to be having a good time to you?

Case closed.

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These photos were posted, unbeknownst to me, on the website of my old high school AP history teacher, one of the only ones I remember with any clarity from high school. He used to start classes by reading excerpts from Paul Harvey’s “The Rest of the Story”. Apparently he also hosted a party on prom night, but I have no recollection of that other than these photos.

Green Day’s “Insomniac” is available from Amazon.