This year, it is a speed bump in the college football season. But it’s still the Deep South’s Oldest Rivalry. It’s still a game full of tradition and pride. And it’s still a game that Georgia needs to win. 

I’ve got a very special guest poster for you guys today. Ladies and Gentlemen, the man with the loosest hips east of the Mississippi, the pompadour that makes the ladies swoon, the King of the Alabama plains -  Auburn Elvis!

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As rivalries go, I think the Deep South’s Oldest is also one of the most congenial. Both teams have a similar “feel” to their history. Georgia has Dooley, Hershel, and Uga, while we have Dye, Bo, and War Eagle. There’s a mutual respect for each that makes rival fans easier to get along with the rest of the year. So, most smack talk between the two is more akin to rowdy brothers than angry next-door neighbors.

Rest assured, my lack of in-your-face chest thumping is a reflection of the good southern manners practiced here on the plains and has nothing to do with our embarrassing performances on the field this season.  But this is the time for “smack talk”, so I’ll offer what I hope will happen along with a prediction of what I expect to happen.

I HOPE Auburn’s lines will stage a reenactment of the “funeral game”, pushing the Dawgs around like a 9-year-old school girl. I EXPECT we’ll look really good between the 30’s but be attempting a lot of field goals after breaking down in the red zone.

I HOPE Auburn will pitch a tent in Georgia’s backfield, forcing Stafford to throw early and often. I EXPECT Moreno to break a few long runs off some shoddy Auburn arm-tackles.

I HOPE Auburn will manage the late-game clock with Swiss-like precision. I EXPECT our fourth quarter options to be determined more by Georgia’s ability to move the ball than our own.

I HOPE Auburn wins the game, and gains newfound energy and hunger going into the all-important Iron Bowl. I EXPECT Auburn to falter quite a bit, only staying in the game by virtue of some sloppy Georgia play.
Of late, wins in this series have come in pairs. And with Georgia winning the previous two, I have to stay with tradition and pick the Tigers… by four (which, given Auburn’s offense, is a likely score of 6 to 2).

Thankyouverymuch and War Eagle baby!

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And in response, your underwhelming narrator:

These smack talk posts get harder every week. After the dismantling in Jacksonville and a last second win in Louisville (or Lexington?), it is hard to drum up the hubris required to verbally cudgel your opponent. At the bottom of everything, I think that this games is a matchup between a good team playing badly and bad team playing badly.  In theory the former should win. Woo hoo, Go Dawgs!

How’s that? Not really as “smacky” as you’ve come to expect here at A Free Man? I’m trying to veer away from the hubris, as that hasn’t worked particularly well this year. In addition, I actually like Auburn. As The King noted, we’re similar schools, similar programs and there just isn’t a lot of animosity. They have a horrible choice of team colors and one of the most mystifying cheers in the country (War Eagle? Huh?), but Auburn folks, unlike some others in the SEC (I’m talking to you Gators, Vols and Cocks) are a pretty decent lot. Hell, I even like old Tubby, the Auburn coach. He’s a classy guy, a gentleman among Spurriers and Meyers.

But mostly, I’m really nervous about this game. The Tigers have an absolutely wretched offense, 105th in scoring offense among the 119 teams. Unfortunately, the sure cure for a bad offense is a date with the Georgia Bulldogs defense. I’m worried that the team is coming apart at the seams, I’m worried that we’re going to head down to the plains and get smacked around. The Tigers are playing for their post-season – if they don’t beat us (or ‘Bama) they will be home in December and January for the first time since 1999. Georgia hasn’t won three in a row in this series since 1980-82. After the mistake laden performance in wherever the hell the University of Kentucky plays I have a horrible niggling feeling in my extremities that we are ripe to be the victim of an upset.

I do think we’ll win but as much as I’d like to see a repeat of the beat down we gave them in Athens last year, I have a bad feeling that this will be a close and fairly pitiful affair.

I have completely failed to bring the smack, so I’ll leave it up to the boys to bring it. We need to go over to Auburn and put a stomping on the Plainsmen. I’d like to see this…

…but fear that the team just isn’t in that place this year.

Nonetheless, we’ve got a game to win. Let’s just do it.

Go Dawgs! Sic ‘em!

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Georgia at Auburn kicks off at 12:30 Eastern (4:00 a.m. Adelaide) on Raycom. It’s available online and even though I don’t have the chops to talk smack, I’ll be up early watching. That’s what real fans do.

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The Broken Family Band used to be the best alt-country act in the British Isles. They’re still around but less country these days than alt. Check out A Free Man’s interview with the band’s frontman Steven Adams. If you like what you hear, support blogger friendly artists by buying Broken Family Band records here.

Of Chris’ many wanderings and meandering through life, no turn has surprised me more than his (recent) emergence as a fan of the most miserable Georgia Bulldogs.  Allow me to explain.  Chris and I grew up in a wretched little town in North Florida and attended an even more wretched high school, about which Chris has blogged of late.  Academics were of almost no import at said institution, and of the graduating class of over 400 (more than 600 were in our sophomore class), less than 20 (perhaps less than fifteen) went on to a four-year college or university right away.  Only two or three went out of state, one being Chris, but he did not initially go to UGA.  College was simply not expected, and no guidance was given, the counselors more concerned with stemming the massive drop-out rate.  I ended up at the University of Florida because it was close by and I really had no idea that there were other options.  (Now this was a good thing, as in all seriousness, UF is by far the best public university until you hit UNC to the north and UT to the west.  I could whip out all kinds of stats to demonstrate this, but I won’t bore you).  The point is that I did not choose UF (and I will leave it to A Free Man to tell how he ended up at what he, with a wink, calls the finest educational institution in the South), and I certainly did not go there because of UF football, although I was already a fan of sorts, as were about 1/3 of the town.

What I can assure you is that Chris was not a fan of the Dogs in high school, although about 1/3 of the high school population were, the other 1/3 being Florida State U. fans (with a sprinkling of mutant Miami fans thrown in).  In a town and high school with so little connections to higher learning, how did people choose their team?  Well, I did have some relatives that went to UF (and also FSU), but I think it was probably pretty random why one choose to root for UF or FSU.  However, it was not random if you chose to wear the red and the black (in complete ignorance of those colors’ historic and political significance).  You chose UGA to proclaim you were the biggest, dumbest, most profane redneck of them all.   You picked an out-of-state school, much further away, precisely because no one you knew had ever gone to school there, in fact, it had no connection to school what so ever.  You just thought it marked you as a bad ass, and its relation to the Deep South (more so than any Florida school) bore all the unfortunate racial connotations you might expect.  So imagine my surprise years later when my friend started blathering about the glories of going “between the hedges” (which must also be slang for some bizarre sexual practice).

I would be curious to know when Chris actually became a fan of the Dogs and how many games he actually attended, because it did not really seem his style while he was living in the, I admit, most pleasant town of Athens.  I suspect, like myself, he became a true fan years later after having left Athens.  My first year at UF I went to all the games like any other stupid newbie, but a trip to Mexico and the lefty political types I hung around with soon convinced me that football was for the brain-dead, plastic-fantastic mainstream.  I started scalping my tickets after that (I was also desperately poor, so that made it easier).  And while I was more likely to find myself being asked to leave a political rally by a smartly dressed law enforcement agent (I like to imagine it was Secret Service) for yelling to Dan Quayle “Can you spell “cat”?” than attend a football game, I still went to a game or so a year for old time’s sake.  But I was no longer a fan, even the indifferent one I had been in high school.  I became a true fan again only after I had moved away, and as a Florida boy, was freezing my ass off experiencing winter for the first time in Pittsburgh and wondering why people thought I talked funny.  It took a few years, and by then I was way too lefty and, I imagined, hip to publicly admit I cared about football. But I did; it gave me a connection to home, and to my surprise I found myself depressed after a UF loss (next year!) and elated after a victory.  So I should forgive my friend for his apostasy, I suppose, as the heart of the college football fan is a strange and unmapped territory.

Okay, I know this is supposed to be smack talk so forgive the digression above, and let’s get to it.  Umm, let’s see….GEORGIA SUX…no, no, I can do better, just give me a second…

On the first day of the eleventh month of the two thousand and eighth year in the Faulknerian fever swamp of Jacksonville, two forces will meet, one representing good and the other the most foul and pestilential evil.  Our beloved Gators will come for vengeance.  The force of arms shall be our only ornament-our only rest, the fight.  Upon entering the arena, as Urban Meyer brings forth the machine he has constructed of the blood and sinew of mere mortals, he will turn to the assembled Bulldogs, shaking but perhaps still confident in their arrogance, and proclaim: “Look upon my works, ye mighty, and despair.”

And then we shall see the Evil Creature known as Uga gathering his forces and armies to fight against the wise Urban Meyer and his army. And the Evil Creature will be captured, and with him the False Prophet, Mark Richt, who could do mighty miracles when the Evil Creature is present—miracles that deceive all who have accepted the Evil Creature’s mark [G], and who worship his flea-infested, mange-ridden carcass.  Both of them—the Evil Creature and his False Prophet—will be thrown alive into the Lake of Fire that burns with sulfur [also known as losing by three touchdowns].  And their entire army shall be killed with the sharp sword of Tim Tebow and all the Gators of the heavens will gorge on the flesh of the dog.

And when the battle is complete and the tableau is one of the dogs’ utter ruin, the Gators will leave the field triumphant, the pride of having vanquished a scurrilous foe their only reward, with none of the pathetic parading the dogs embarrassed themselves with last year.  The dogs will lay on the field destroyed, defeated, and in despair, weeping at their own futile efforts and gross inadequacies—the only sound the groans and cries of the beaten dogs and the lamentations of their women.  And they will finally know their place and bow their heads before their betters.

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Well, Jamie’s certainly raised the bar for Deep South Smack Talk – Courtney, Angel you’re going to have to take it up a notch. Your underwhelming apostate is currently constructing his defense of the Georgia Bulldog Nation and, apparently, his place in it. 

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I can’t think of a more appropriate artist to accompany this post than Hank Williams III. The son of Bocephus and the grandson of the godfather of country music, Hank III has a new album, “Damn Right Rebel Proud”, out on Curb Records. It’s a pure, old-school country stomp with a bit of punk ethic thrown in to differentiate it from your Grandaddy’s country music. Hank III is blogger friendly, so if you like what you hear, support him by buying his new album.

Without someone to spar with, it’s not much fun, so I’ll keep things short and sweet. The Tigers are not a natural rival, in fact the last time we faced up with the Bayou Bengals was 2005 in the SEC Championship Game. The Tigers came in heavily favored with a 10-1 record and the only thing between them and a possible shot at a national championship being the Dawgs. That game didn’t turn out so well for LSU. They may be the defending champs, but until they beat us, we’re the defending champs of this matchup.

This game is at LSU’s Tiger Stadium, better known as Death Valley. It’s called that for a reason – the Tigers are tough as nails at home. Death Valley at night is a scary place. Fortunately, it’s a 3:30 kick and the Dawgs play better on the road than at home. In addition to their spanking in The Swamp, LSU has put up underwhelming wins against subpar Auburn and South Carolina teams and perennial cellar dweller Missy State. To be fair, the Dawgs haven’t exactly been setting the SEC on fire either.  It ain’t going to be pretty, my friends, but I think we can take LSU in their house. Georgia 31, LSU 27

Geaux Dawgs!

Once again, apologies for not coming through with an LSU fan but, with all due respect, the  fault lies squarely…

Wait, what’s that? I’m being told that, creeping in out of the swamps of Louisiana comes this missive, soggy and reeking of jasmine and decay. Lousiana Brown of Louisiana Love has staggered in off the shrimp boat to come through for the Tigers:

The countdown begins: Mere days before Georgia knows what a skewered catfish feels like in the bayou. To be honest, Georgia is good enough and strong enough, but can Mark Richt outcoach Les Miles? That’s the question. Richt’s bread and butter this season has been to throw it early and often to insane freshman A.J. Green. He’s lived up to the billing so far, and had his longest reception of the season (49 yards) last week vs. Vandy. LSU has no answer, so we’ll cede 10 points because of that. But don’t think for a moment that Matt Stafford will actually have time to plant his feet and throw to him. LSU has gotten used to calling all-out blitzes the last 2 weeks, look for more on Saturday.

Knowshon Moreno is a great back, but he won’t be able to run on LSU straight up, and LSU will not put 8 in the box either. On the other side of the coin, LSU’s resurgent Kieland Williams will supplement the durable Charles Scott and give the UGA defensive line just enough trouble to off-set the passing game. Jarrett Lee will throw an interception, so we’ll cede another 7 points to the Dawgs. LSU has played from behind in all its major conference games this season, this game won’t be any different. In the 4th quarter, when the UGA defense tires a bit, look for the deep ball to LSU’s speedy receivers Demetrius Byrd and Brandon Lefell. LSU 28- UGA 24.

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Georgia at LSU kicks off at 3:30 p.m. Eastern (6:00 a.m. Sunday Adelaide) on CBS. Expats, you can watch the game on CBS.com with a tricky little fix that The Vol Abroad sorted out (see, some Vol fans are OK). Send me a mail if you need to know how.

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Beck’s “Sea Change is available from .

I’m probably not the best person to sing the praises of the Mizzou football. Regular readers of this blog will know that my loyalties lie a bit further south and east of Columbia. But, the University of Missouri was kind enough to give me a Ph.D. and thus the key to my current life, so I guess I owe them at least a bit of support.

During my tenure in Columbia, the Missouri Tigers athletic teams made choking into an art. I remember the 2003 – 2004 basketball season, when a lot of pundits had the Tigers going all the way. So, Dr. O’C and I figured, what the hell, let’s buy season tickets and go along for the ride. They were actually ranked No. 1 in the nation for a very short period of time. Then they lost to Illinois. Then Memphis. Then Belmont, a college of 4,000 students. And they just kept losing. I still want my money back. After I left, it came out that actually the Tigers had been cheating a fair bit, the team went from bad to worse and pretty boy coach Quin Snyder got the sack.

The football team. That’s a different story.  They were clean as a whistle. No dodgy dealings there. Their combined record during my time at Mizzou was 24 – 32. We never bought season tickets to watch the football team, largely because my one experience at Faurot Field was one of the worst college football games I’ve ever been seen – a hapless Baylor team and drunken frat boys are a bad combination.

BUT, things have changed at Mizzou. A new A.D., a new football coach and a new attitude. After a stunning 12 – 2 season last year, the Tigers have roared to a 4 – 0 start this year. I wish I could be in Columbia this autumn to see what it’s like when there’s a real national championship contender in town. Conference play starts this week for he Tigers, though, and this is where things have a tendency to go pear shaped. The Huskers pose the first real threat, however, and it’s a mental block that Mizzou has got to get past. The Tigers haven’t won in Lincoln since 1978.

Fortunately for the Tigers, one of the changes that’s happened since I left in 2004 is that Nebraska has just collapsed as a football program. There’s no doubt the the Huskers were once a powerhouse. Nebraska has five national titles and in the mid 90s were just a behemoth of a program. But a decade has passed and Nebraska’s day in the sun has passed as well. Their old-school Big 8 option style has gone the way of Betamax and 8-tracks. I mean Princeton won five titles as well, but we don’t here much about those Tigers anymore.

Nope, Gary Pinkel and Chase Daniel and Jeremy Maclin are the new faces of Big 12 football and I’m fairly confident that will become painfully clear to the Huskers on Saturday night. Thirty years is a long time, but every streak comes to an end. This one’s time is done.

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And speaking for the Cornholers, Huskers, dammit. Speaking for the Cornhuskers, April from The Bauer Confidential:

Is there any other team?!?!?  Go Cornhuskers!  Whoot!

So here’s the deal, I was born in Nebraska, my parents are Nebraskans, but I have to admit that of my more than a quarter century (and no, I’m not saying how much more), I’ve only lived in that state a handful of years.  I spent every summer until I was 16 there, with my Dad and family; I try to visit regularly, so I still feel like a Nebraskan.  It’s one of those things that’s in your blood!  We bleed Husker red!

Husker football has a rather storied past, one that Mizzou (my grad school alma mater) can’t come close to matching.  With five national championships (to MU’s big-fat zero), over 800 wins, and a ranking as the winningest college football program in the last 50 years, the Huskers are widely considered one of the best football teams in history.  Traditionally, defense has been Nebraska’s strong suit, and you know what they say about defense winning championships.  With Tom Osborne back on board as the school’s athletic director, things are looking up.
Now the upstart Tigers think they’re something special.  With a national ranking they have something to prove.  They were on a 25-year loosing streak to the Huskers that only ended a few years ago (and yes I remember those damn goal posts being drug through the streets of Columbia, what a proud moment).  This time they’re headed into Husker territory.  Memorial Stadium will be a sea of red on Saturday, and holds 23,000 more fans than the Tigers are used to at Faurot Field.  Husker football is like a religion to Nebraskans; their fans are not so fickle as those at Mizzou.  Only since they’ve started winning have people really started calling themselves Tiger fans, whereas the Nebraska stadium has been sold out for more than 25 years, in winning and loosing seasons.

Nebraska has a new coach, and if he wants to keep his job, he’ll have his team all geared up and looking for blood come Saturday.  Bo Pelini has even more to prove than the Tigers.  With a loss last week to VT, the Huskers are fired up to bring the winning streak back, especially at home.  The Tigers are getting cocky; they’re expecting a romp.  They aren’t used to crowds like this, and winning on the road has never been Pinkel’s strong suit.  So bring it on Tigers, the Huskers are ready for you and they smell your weakness.  Last week your defense looked less than impressive, allowing far more points than it should have.  Chase Daniels may be your saving grace, but he’s in serious trouble with the Husker Blackshirts gunning for him!  Go Big Red!

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Missouri at Nebraska kicks off at 9:00 p.m. Eastern (10:30 a.m. Sunday in Adelaide) on ESPN.

Bruce Springsteen’s “Nebraska” is available from .

With the SEC Football season moving in to full swing this week, I thought I would give the enemies, er opponents, of my beloved Georgia Bulldogs an opportunity to sing their team’s praises before the Dawgs take them apart. It’s just good sportsmanship, really. It was a bit of a challenge to find an Alabama fan who could form sentences well enough to put together a post, but I’ve found a fan of the Tide who was lucky enough to be educated at a proper university. Inexplicably, he retains his love for the University of Alabama. 

We’ll give the visitors the first shot. Writing, surprisingly eloquently, for the Alabama Crimson Tide is Alex from esmon dot net:

I was born where the red tide rolls and the sun droops low over the rose-colored skies at twilight.

I was born on the balmy shores of Alabama at the height of the era of terry cloth shorts and big plastic-framed amber vision sunglasses. Mobile is my hometown, perched right on the Gulf of Mexico. When I was one, Hurricane Edward roared through our city — as the story goes, I slept right through it. We lived there until I was three. The Gulf is a pretty neat place full of great seafood dives and a very, very slow pace of life.

But there are a few things that make people in the great state of Alabama get off their collective asses and shout for something that’s not just half-price night at an all-you-can-eat shrimp buffet. Football in Alabama means one thing (and I don’t care what the Auburn fans think, because who cares about them anyway): The Crimson Tide.

There are few teams that can match the storied history of ‘Bama football. I mean, come on — Paul “Bear” Bryant. Need I say more?

I will anyway. Here’s a number to mull over: 12. And no, that does not stand for the collective football team IQ. That’s National Championships, my friends. And honestly, what’s more intimidating that a team named after a harmful algal bloom of phytoplankton containing photosynthetic pigments?

Now, there are those from Georgia (you know – that state that borders us to the east and blocks our view of the Atlantic) that think they have a decent football squad. They may have had a few decent seasons, and I think they have even managed a few SEC crowns. But don’t be fooled — those Pop Warner wanna-be’s are nothing compared to the thundering herd that is the Crimson Tide. They talk about the great years in the 80s when some guy named Walker won a Heisman. Then they talk about the great teams under the current regime of Coach Richt. Then when they are reminded that none of those great teams under Richt have won a championship, they turn into Cubs fans — It’s all “Oh well, next year will be the year.”

Seriously, how many next years can there be? (Actually, as a Cubs fan, I know there can be quite a few “next years”)

And how many National Championships for the Dawgs? Two. Now I may be a simple boy from Alabama, but even I know that two is less than 12. But don’t worry Chris — The Gym Dogs have won nine gymnastics National Championships. I hear they do a mean halftime show.

So Chris, after the dust settles on Saturday and the stadium has emptied and your  “Dawgs” have been thoroughly throttled and washed into the Gulf, you can call me and we will talk all about next year.

Roll Tide.

And in reply, your underwhelming narrator:

Thanks, Alex, that’s very well said for a Bama fan, but you betray yourself as being the alum of a better school.

I’ve got a number for you too: 13. That’s the number of years that have passed since the Tide last beat Georgia. I’m pretty sure that it’s going to be 14 after Saturday.

Alex, all those purty words cover up one essential fact about your boys in crimson. The truth that they are pure evil.

Bama didn’t used to be evil. In the days of the great Bryant, when they won all those National Championships, they were the pride of the South. But things have been rough in the past couple of decades in Tuscaloosa and a couple of years ago, the powers that be in Tuscaloosa quite literally made a deal with the devil. They hired away the pretty much universally loathed Nick Saban from Miami’s NFL team for some obscene amount of money. I hope it’s worth it for you guys, but I don’t think it will be. There’s only one letter separating Saban and Satan and the bad guy always loses in the end.

So as the manifestation of pure evil rolls up into the north Georgia hills on Saturday, there will be a band of brave Georgia boys waiting between the hedges of Sanford Stadium They will be waiting to represent truth, justice and Good in the face of a crimson and white onslaught led by Satan incarnate.

Fortunately, that brave band of boys is one of the finest football teams to come out of the South in quite some time. Lovers of peace and freedom can breathe a bit easily knowing that they are proudly defended by a Georgia Bulldogs team that is getting better every week. The Tide are bringing in some unholy 400 pound demon called Cody to try and crush the Dawgs offense, but if they stop our dynamic tailback Knowshon Moreno then we can go to the air with quarterbacking phenom Matthew Stafford. We’re ready in every way for the demonic invasion.

The Tide is going to find Athens an unwelcoming place, a place for these evil upstarts to be put in their place. The players have called for a Blackout, replicating conditions under which we spanked another little team from Alabama. It is times like this that I really miss the States. A September Saturday night in Athens, Sanford Stadium packed and roaring for their heroes.  I can almost hear it already as the Dawgs burst out of the tunnel in black ready to tear the Tide down, bit by bit. This time the good guys are wearing black.

Oh, and Alex, this is next year. (For the Dawgs, don’t know about the Cubs)

A Free Man’s pick: Georgia 28, Alabama 14.

Georgia-Alabama kicks off at 7:45 p.m. Eastern (9:15 a.m. Sunday in Adelaide) on ESPN. I’m pretty excited because Boy Z’s great-aunt is going to let us watch the game over at their house. This will be the first time I see a game live on TV since 2004. Just seems right for my boys to win, doesn’t it.

Go Dawgs! Sic’ em!

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Neil Young’s “Harvest” is available from .